


The Pianist

by dying_deist



Series: The Pianist [1]
Category: Muse
Genre: Car Accidents, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 19:32:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 59,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dying_deist/pseuds/dying_deist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>January 16, 2009. The worst day of my life. The worst day of Matt’s life. The worst day of our lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it, it’s an angst one, a bit sad at the beginning, but don’t worry! I promise you things will get better soon! :)

_January 16, 2009. The worst day of my life._

_The worst day of Matt’s life._

_The worst day of our lives._

_When I say ‘our lives’ I meant for the lives of all Muse family and friends._

_Night had already fallen and we were taking Matt’s mother back to her house. Matt was driving, his mother was sitting beside him and I was on the back seat. I remember every single detail of that night. Matt had turned the radio on and we all laughed when, coincidently, we noticed it was a Muse song playing. Supermassive Black Hole, to be precise. Ms Bellamy made some joke about her son’s voice, we laughed once more._

_I remember the way the night wind ruffled Matt's hair and I smiled shyly when I realized Matt looking at me in the rear-view mirror. Actually, that is my last memory._

_Everything went dark, sometimes even blurred and confused… The smell of blood on the air… Something cracking… Something really heavy over me…_

_And then light. A white ceiling. An old man's face. He was a doctor. He asked me if I felt any pain, if I was alright. I looked around me a bit horrified, looking for a familiar face, but there was only a nurse and the doctor. After a few minutes I saw Chris coming in the room, he looked nervous and ran towards me when he realized I was awake._ “Geez! Are you alright, Dom?!” _I only nodded, ignoring an increasing pain in my left wrist._ “Thank God! Thank God…” _He said smiling and crying at the same time.  
As he realized how scared I was, Chris sat on the edge of the bed I was lying on, calmed himself down and sighed._

“Chris, tell me what happened.” _I said whilst siting up and feeling that pain in my wrist again. I looked at it and noticed some bandages around it._

“Well…” _He looked a bit hesitant, but finally started to talk._ “It was a car accident. And it was a major one, you know? Do you remember anything?”

“Only that we were taking… Oh my God! Where’s Matthew?! Is he alive?!” _I asked worried, trying to get up and off the bed, but Chris held my shoulders._

“He’s alive, Dominic! Calm down, please! You need to rest.”

“And what about his mother?”

“Yes, she is alive, too. There was no death, don’t worry.”

“Fuck, Chris! You scared the hell out of me! When you said it was a major one I thought the worst thing happened…”

“No! Hell, no! It was major because it had a lorry involved…”

“A what?! How did it happen?”

“Oh… We all thought you could tell us.”

“I don’t remember anything about the crash. Matt and his mother don’t remember it either?”

“Eh… They haven’t woken up yet.”

“But you said…”

“I said they are alive, Dom.”

“God…” _It makes sense now… It was a major accident, a lorry involved, Matt and his mother still unconscious._ “How long I’ve been sleeping?”

“Four days.”

_It’s enough for now, too much information. I have headache, my wrist is bugging me like hell and I am worried about Matt. Oh, and about his mother, too. I hope nothing bad happened to them. I mean, it already happened, but nothing worse._

***


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt wakes up, but something is wrong with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it, it’s an angst one, a bit sad at the beginning, but don’t worry! I promise you things will get better soon! :)

“He woke up.” _the Doctor said._

“What?!” _I got up from the chair I was sitting on. I didn’t believe what that man just said._ “Show me!” _I ran towards Matt’s room, but the doctor stopped me before I open the door._ “Hm?”

“I have to warn you before you go there.” _He looked concerned and so did I._ “You, better than anyone, know that Matt was seriously injured. He was knocked on the head and…”

“And what?”

“I’m not sure he will recognize you… His memory may have been damaged, you need to know it.”

“Oh…” _That’s it? My best friend, the man I secretly loved, may not remember me anymore? It’s unbearable. I can’t believe it could happen; I can’t accept it. Even doctors can be wrong, right? I know he is telling me this just because. I know this kind of thing can happen, but I’m not sure it could happen to Matt._ “I want to see him, anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“I waited for almost two months to see him awake; of course I am fucking sure!” _Frowning, I told the man that. He simply widened his eyes and then nodded._

“Okay, but you need to wait. Your friends Christopher, Morgan and Thomas are already talking to Matthew. It’s not good to him have so much people around him.”

“And why am I the last one to know?! Why didn’t you tell me before?” _Now I am angry! I am the one who slept every fucking night on that fucking and uncomfortable chair beside Matthew, wishing him to wake up soon, and that fucking doctor didn’t even tell me Matt finally woke up! I mean, yes, he told me, but after everybody else knew it. Really nice._

 _I waited impatiently for a few minutes and finally they left the room with sad looks. Damn it, I can’t believe something still wrong with Matt…_ “So…?”

“He doesn’t… Remember us, Dom.” _Tom was the first one to tell me. I tried to not look worried, but I could feel that urge to scream and cry loud, run far away, and forget the world only because my world forgot me. I felt my legs go weak, my eyes get wet at the thought of Matt being scared of me because he couldn’t recognize me anymore…_

“Please, Tom, tell me it’s a fucking bad joke…” _I said gravely. Tom shook his head…_

“I wish it was, Dom.”

“I am so sorry…” _Chris hugged me and so did Tom and Morgan._

_My world had crumbled down. I accepted that kind gesture from my friends, I know they are suffering, too. Maybe not as much as I am, but they are. Actually I’m selfish in thinking so. Matt is so damn important to each one of us, and I can’t imagine how my life would be without him. I know he is not dead, but… Oh, fuck! I need to face it myself._

“I will talk to him now.” _I said after the guys moved away. They nodded and I took a deep breath before opening the door and walking in._

_I found Matt sitting on his bed, his pale hands squeezing the sheets covering him to his waist; his blue eyes locked on me, worried; his mouth half opened probably trying to say something._

“Hi.” _I forced a smile and walked towards his bed, aware of every step of mine._

“Who are you?” _He asked immediately, pulling the covers up to his chest. He’s afraid of me and I was afraid of this. My heart failed and once again I wanted to cry, but I didn’t._

“I am Dominic James Howard, an old friend of yours.”

“I don’t know you.”

“You know me, you don’t recognize me. May I?” _I gestured towards that fucking uncomfortable chair I used to sleep every fucking night, taking care of Matt, watching over him to see if he needed any assistance, if he would wake up… He nodded and I sat on the chair. A silence fell on the room; Matt was looking at me the whole time, studying my clothes, my face, the whole me._

“Those guys…” _He finally said after a while._ “They told me I was seriously injured. Is it true?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“They said they are my friends, too. Is it true?”

“Fortunately, yes.” _I smiled and Matt flushed slightly._ “Do you know who you are?”

“They only called me ‘Matt’.”

“Oh, it reminds me I need to show you something.” _I took my wallet out from my pocket and then took out Matt’s identity._ “This is who you are.” _I gave him the document._

“Matthew James Bellamy…?” _He asked looking confused at his identity and then his eyes were locked on me again._

“Yes. Born in June 9th, 1978. It means you will be 32 in three months. We met when you were 14, on high school and we also have a band, Muse.” _He only looked more confused than never._ “I’m sorry, too much information, right?”

“Why I don’t remember anything?”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing. Nothing about who I am, who you are, where I live, what I do, what I did… Nothing.”

“Well… You were unconscious for the past seven weeks and four days. The accident happened on January 16, today is March 10.” _Then I told him everything about the accident and what happened before. He listened to me carefully, trying to understand what happened to him. I didn’t tell him about his mother, I didn’t even tell him she was in that car, too. He just woke up; I don’t want him to worry about anything. I need to help him; it’s my duty as his best friend, even if he doesn’t remember me._

_I care too much about him, I love him and I won’t leave him behind just because he is an empty paper now. He needs me right now, someone who can help him to remember who he is, what he does, what he did, what he wanted to do._

_I’ll bring Matt back._

_My best friend._

_The guy I admire so damn much._

_The guy I fell in love with._

***


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt will finally leave the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.

“Oh my God! Are you alright?!” _I heard some girl asking. I looked towards the door of Matt’s room and found Gaia staring at us._

_She ran towards his bed and suddenly hugged him. Matt widened his eyes worried about the crying girl burying her face in his neck. He gazed at me almost asking what he had to do._

“Geez! I can’t believe you finally woke up! I was so worried! You don’t have idea!” _She kept talking and kissing Matt’s face. Thank God it was only on his face! Anyway, Matt looked annoyed and tried to push Gaia away from him._ “Oh, hun! I’m sorry…” _She said._ “I was not supposed to disturb you right now. You just woke up. Okay, take your time! I would love to stay here with you but I have to work. Sorry. See you later.” _Gaia just wouldn’t stop talking! She left Matt with a final kiss on his forehead and waved to us, walking towards the door and finally leaving the room._

“W-who was this girl…?” _Matt asked me._ “Do you know her?”

“Her name is Gaia Polloni and… Hm… She used to be your girlfriend.” _At first I didn’t notice that I said ‘used to be’… It sounds natural to me because since Matt woke up, well, he doesn’t remember her anymore. Maybe he wouldn’t want her as his girlfriend, too._

_I know it’s a selfish thought, but… Who knows? Maybe this time he can realize he doesn’t want her… Shit, what the fuck am I thinking? I can’t control his feelings only because I love him and want to be with him! It’s being fair to Matt! I can’t take advantage of him, it’s not the right thing to do. Especially now that he doesn’t knows anyone around him. I must show him who he used to be, what he used to do, who he can trust…_

“My girlfriend…?” _Matt asked bringing me back from my thoughts._

“Yes… Hm… I will talk to your doctor, okay? If you need anything, please, tell us.”

“Are you ‘James’, too?” _He suddenly asked._

“Yes, why?” _I don’t know why he asked something like that._

“Are you my brother?” _He stared at me with those ocean-blue eyes, they were almost shining. I couldn’t help but smile shyly to him._

“No. I am one of your best friends. I told you before. We met on high school.”

“Oh. I just remembered it.”

“Hm.” _I smiled once again._ “I will leave you now. See you later.”

“Can I trust you?”

“Sure, I will come back!”

“No, I want to know if I can trust what you just told me.”

“Believe me, you can trust me. And you will realise it soon, I’m sure.” _He only nodded and I left the room. Now I must see his doctor._

 

***

 

“Dr. Walker, may I?” _I asked knocking at the door open of his office._

“Please, come in.” _I obeyed and walked towards him._ “Is everything alright?”

“Well, saving the fact that Matthew can’t remember anyone, I think he is… Fine… Somehow.” _I sighed._

“So, what’s wrong?”

“I want to know the truth, doctor. Please, don’t lie to me. Tell me what happened to him, if it’s worse than you told me…” _If it’s possible._ “Tell me, honestly, if he will be okay…”

“Take a seat, Mr. Howard.” _Oh, fuck! When someone tells you to take a seat, it can’t be a good thing! I reached the nearest chair and sat._ “Hm, as I told you before, Mr. Bellamy was knocked on the head and it’s why he lost part of his memory.”

“You mean his whole memory. He couldn’t even remember his name!” _I stated._

“When someone talks about memory you only link it to the capacity of remember happenings, names, dates… But memory is not only about it. It’s the process in which information is encoded, stored and retrieved. And when I talk about information, you can consider any kind of it. Names, dates, happenings, behaviours, feelings… Anything.”

“Oh... I see…”

“So, when he woke up earlier, the nurses realized he had some difficult to get dressed or to take shower.” _Okay… There are some things bothering me: what the hell those nasty nurses were thinking?! Seeing Matthew naked on the shower or getting dressed? Pretending to help him?! Hm?! I don’t think so! And why didn’t anyone tell me that Matt was awake for the past hours?!_ “The point is…” _He got in silence for a while._

“The point is… What?”

“Well…” _Dr. Walker cleared his throat and started talking._ “Maybe Matthew has also lost his… Abilities to play some instruments.”

“Want the truth? I don’t give a shit if he can’t play anymore. He is alive; it’s what matters to me. I don’t mind if Muse won’t exist anymore. The only thing that still worrying me is about his memories. I want to help him to recover them, or at least make him trust me!”

“Hm.” _Doctor gave me a smile._ “It’s good to hear it. Matthew needs true friends to get over it.”

“I can assure you, Matt has the best friends in the world.” _It’s only the truth._

 

***

 

_Three long days have passed since Matt woke up. He underwent a lot of tests, tests I don’t the name or purpose of, what matters is that they didn’t find anything wrong with him. Okay, they didn’t find anything worse with him. Actually, we just needed to wait a few minutes and then Matt would be finally allowed to leave the hospital. I found Chris and Tom talking near to Matt’s room and I went to join them._

“Guys, I have good news.” _I stated._ “Matt will come back home today.”

“What? That’s amazing!” _Tom said cheerfully and exchanged hopeful looks with Chris who only smiled._ “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I just talked with his doctor.”

“Hm, guys… Who will take care of him?” _Tom asked. I hadn’t thought about that yet…_

“Tom is right. Matt can’t be alone, he doesn’t remember anything about where he lives and stuff.” _Chris said._ “I can talk to Kelly. Our house is big enough to support another human being.” _We laughed and sighed._

“To be honest, I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chris.” _I said._ “You know, you have four children to take care of. Don’t push yourself. I can be with Matt.”

“Are you sure? I can help you, too.” _Tom declared helpfully._

“I think I can do it by myself, but I’m pretty sure I will ask you guys if I need help.” _I smiled and then noticed Dr. Walker walking towards us._

“It’s done.” _He stated._ “Matthew has undergone all necessary exams and already can go home.”

“Really?!” _The three of us asked happy. Thank God! The doctor nodded, smiling, but it didn’t last for too long; and then he was serious again._ “What?” _Chris asked._

“You guys know about Matthew’s mother. She is still unconscious…” _Oh, we were so focused on Matt’s recovery that we forgot about his mother for a while. Shame on us!_

“You’re right… How is she?” _I wanted to know._

“We don’t know… She can wake up at any moment or… Simply may not…”

“Oh my God…”

“But it is only a possibility! I know you believe she will be okay. We are trying our best and I bet she’ll make it, too.”

“Yeah, we hope so.”

_Dr. Walker told us everything about Matt, how his recovery would be and stuff, then a few minutes later he left us. I told the guys I would take Matt to his own house, trying to make him comfortable or even trying to help him to remember something. I believe it can help him, you know? To stay in the place he was used to._

_I knocked on the door of Matt’s room, opening it._ “Hey, buddy.” _Matt looked at me when he noticed me. He was sitting on that fucking chair, you know, the one I talked about before. Okay, maybe it’s not a fucking chair because I spent the whole time watching over Matt… Right, it’s only an uncomfortable chair…_

 _So, he was sitting there, before noticing me, he was observing something through the window._ “Hm?” _He looked bashful at first, even flushing a bit; but when he recognized me (thank God he did), Matt smiled at me._

_I can’t say exactly what I felt at that moment. Try to picture it: you have a best friend, or a lover, and this person can’t recognize you anymore. It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? But then you meet this beloved mate again and find a shy smile on that familiar face… And what Matt said next…_

“You!” _He stood up and came closer to me._ “You came back! I thought you had left me here.”

“O-of course I came back! I wouldn’t abandon you! Never! You are my best friend and I told you to trust me!” _Oh God, Matt! I couldn’t leave you! I love you so much… If I could only tell you… But you can’t understand it – not right now. Basically, we don’t know each other. I mean, you think you don’t know me, but you are the one who knows everything about me. Well, saving my feelings for you._

“I’m sorry…?” _He asked a little confused. I shook my head and smiled to him._

“You don’t need to be sorry for anything, okay? Well, I have fresh news.”

“What?”

“You can go home now.”

“Hm. Is it a good thing, right? I mean, I don’t remember my house. Is it good?”

“You always looked really happy there. So, I am sure it’s good.”

“Are we leaving now?”

“Do you want to?”

“I think so…”

“Great! Let’s go!” _I beamed and, holding his hand, we left his room._ “Follow me.”

 

***


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt left the hospital and Dom took him to a familiar place, trying to make his beloved friend remember something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.

_After a few minutes we have finally arrived at Matt’s house. Well, it was not that easy to get to his place. It was the media’s fault. When we were about to leave the hospital we heard some noises and then we saw security guards walking towards us. Matt looked a bit scared and squeezed my sleeve._

“Don’t need to worry, they are here to protect us.” _I gave him a friendly smile and Matt nodded._

_Those security guards helped us to get out of the hospital and brought us to a safe place, avoiding any media car in our way. We switched over to my own car and I drove to Matt’s place. We must have shaken the media off by now._

_I parked my car and we walked towards the front door._ “Are you ready?” _I asked whilst taking the keys from my pocket._

“Yes.”

_And then I opened the door._

_I glanced at Matt and tried to find some look in his eyes, something that would tell me he still remembered that place, but I find an admiring look instead. Even though I already knew the answer, I couldn’t help asking._ “Do you remember something?”

“Hm… I don’t think so.” _He said after observing the living room. Matt entered his house and went to the sofa, sitting on it._ “Everything here is mine?”

“Yes.”

“Am I a rich guy?” _He grinned and I noticed those blue eyes sparkling in curiosity and hope._

“To be honest, I will let you find the answer by yourself.” _I smiled and sat beside him._

“What do you mean?”

“It’s your house. Explore it! Try to find who you are.”

“Do you think I can do it?”

“Hm, you can do whatever you want. You always do it.”

“Will you help me?”

“Too many questions! Go, go!” _I joked whilst slightly pushing Matt out of the sofa. I could hear him laugh. He just laughed. I missed his laugh so damn much! Even if it was a chuckle, Matt had laughed after a long time…_

“You already told me I am a kind of musician, right?” _I nodded._ “Hm, and I can assume I’m rich because of all this furniture and because this house is so huge!” _He stated, grinning and walking from one side to the other, staring at the floor, ceiling, chairs, tables, carpets, stairs, paintings… Everything. It looked like it was the first time he saw those things._

“C’mon, Matthew! Just open all the doors you find and bring me something you think it’s interesting.” _I beamed and tried to follow him with my eyes, but Matt just disappeared after entering the kitchen._

“Is it something interesting?” _He came back to the living room, holding a… Wait! W-what… What is he holding?! Is it a… I can’t believe it!_

“Oh my God! Yes! It’s something really interesting!” _Basically I jumped off the sofa when I noticed what was in Matt’s hands._

“It looked good. And, hm, because of your reaction I think it has something related to my past… Am I right?”

“Of course you are right! And it is related to your past!” _I said cheerfully and walking towards the kitchen. I was planning to cook something after seeing that package of pasta that Matt was holding._

 

***

 

“Oh my dear God! It is so delicious!” _Matt stated with all his happiness whilst tasting the spaghetti that I just prepared. His lips curled into a smile, showing just how happy he was, enjoying that food he used to love. Well, it looks like he still loves it._ “How is it called?”

“Spaghetti.” _I said whilst tasting my own spaghetti. I don’t like to brag, but it was really good. Yes, Dominic James Howard knows how to cook well._

“Geez! I would eat it for the rest of my life!” _He wrapped the pasta on the fork, remembering to cover it in tomato sauce, and then led it to his mouth, shutting his eyes and humming in delight._ “Really good! Hmmm, so good!” _I couldn’t help but laugh when I noticed a line of sauce on his chin._ “What?”

“Your chin.” _I pointed to it._ “It has tomato sauce on it.”

“Oh, where?” _He tried to wipe his chin, but he missed the sauce line._

“Not there, here.” _I leaned forward on my elbows and cleaned his chin with my thumb, lightly touching his bottom lip. Instead of Matt, it was me who flushed at that touch, immediately coming back to my seat._ “Done.” _I started to mess with my food, avoiding Matt’s look. I’m such a stupid! I mean, what’s wrong with what I just did? I was only cleaning his chin, nothing more! And Matt didn’t look annoyed… Stop being so nervous and paranoid, Dom!_

“Tell me” _Matt asked._ “Do I always act like this when I eat pasta?”

“To be honest, you always get happy and smiling when you eat it, but I only remember you getting this way once. It was during one of our first Italian gigs.” _I sighed and smiled at that memory. It was years ago…_ “We all went to an Italian restaurant and ordered the most expensive meals on the menu and you acted just like you did when you tasted your food. It was funny and we also ordered wine without checking the price and then…” _I laughed when I remembered our worried faces at that night._ “Well, let’s say we were not satisfied about the bill…” _I looked up to Matt and found his eyes locked on mine and I could see the confusion in them, my smile slowly fading away and I was once again staring at my dish._

“Oh, I can’t remember it.” _I nodded trying to show that I was not annoyed about that, and an uncomfortable silence fell on the kitchen, I only could hear the noise of our cutlery._ “But it sounds like a good memory. I’m sure we had fun that night even though our bill didn’t amuse us.” _I heard him chuckle and I looked up again. Matt was smiling._

“You’re right, we had so much fun.” _I beamed and we managed to finish our meal, not recalling old memories he wouldn’t remember. Something that would disappoint me and upset him._

 

***

 

_After the spaghetti time, Matt helped me to wash the dishes and he sounded really curious about his past, but I didn’t want to tell him anything at that moment. I mean, actually I didn’t know how… I’m still figuring out the best way to do it. Sitting and chatting the whole day? Looking through the photo albums? Forget it, Dom. You won’t be able to help him that fast… I am aware that it will take too long, but I don’t even mind! It can take as long as it does; I only will be satisfied when I help Matt to remember who he is._

_We left the kitchen and went to the living room again, neither knew know what to do next. I said that Matt could keep exploring his own house, but he chose to stay with me and watch some TV._

“We used to do this often? Watch TV together?” _He asked and I nodded, smiling at him._

“Yes, we used to do this a lot. Especially when we were young and we had time to spend doing nothing but watching TV, playing some games… You know, those kinds of things teenagers usually do.”

“Cool!” _He grinned, looking comfortable at the thought of doing it just the way he used to do._

_I feel like I am doing it wrong… I mean, it’s Matt! He finally woke up from his coma and it’s in his house again! I should look happier to see him fine even if he can’t remember his life and stuff. He is alive and he is right here with me… Enjoying this time together… And it’s making me feel strangely uncomfortable. Sorry, not that I am uncomfortable with Matt around me again, I just feel… Weird… I don’t know, honestly. It’s a mix of all the feelings I know, sadness, happiness, love, fear, disappointment, excitement…_

_It’s a rush of feelings and I almost can’t stand it anymore. Geez, I think I will cry! I can’t cry here! Not in front of Matt! He would think I’m some sort of a pathetic crazy human being! I took a deep, deep breath and exhaled slowly._ “Are you alright?” _Matt asked._

“Yes, sure!” _I shook my head and looked at my watch, realising it was time to take another step._ “Hey, Matthew. I think you should meet someone.”

“Who?”

“You will see.” _I winked and smiled at him, standing up of the sofa and offering my hand to help Matt. He held it and stood up as well._

_When we left Matt’s place the night had almost fallen, it was possible to see the last sunshine saying good bye. A little too poetic? I’m sorry. I’m feeling weird._

_We headed to my car and I drove to my place._

“I know this house…” _Matt said thoughtfully when we’ve arrived at my house. And I froze._

“W-what?! Do you recognize it?!”

“Hm, I think I do.” _He nodded smiling and opening the car door. I couldn’t help but stare at him the whole time. Oh Jesus! He just said he had recognized my house?! Is it a good thing, right?! I can’t believe!_ “Dominic?” _He called me and I realized it was the first time he said my name. A sensation of warmth took over my heart, I don’t know. It was a good feeling when he called my name, I felt like I was home somehow._ “C’mon!” _Matt smiled and I nodded, immediately undoing the safety belt and getting out of the car._

“Eh, do you know who lives in here?” _I asked casually, trying to see if he could remember it, but Matt only shook his head._

“But something tells me it’s your house.” _He mused when we reached the front door and I took the keys out from my pocket._

“How do you know?!” _Now I am surprised!_

“You have the keys!” _Matt laughed and made a face like it was the most obvious fact in the world._

“Oh, sure…” _And I felt like the dumbest guy in the world…_ “But, wait! I had the keys of your house, too!”

“Well, it makes sense you had my keys. You were taking me home, someone would have them.” _He pointed and I shut up my mouth._

“Hm, good point. You may have lost your memory but haven’t lost your wits.” _We laughed and I finally opened the door._

_We didn’t even have time to enter when the host came to welcome us, licking our shoes, sniffing us and barking, glad to see that someone had visited him. Jumping around us, Hendrix wanted all our attention._

“Hello, boy! Miss me?” _I joked and leaned down to pet his head._

“Hi, Hendrix! Long time no see, hun?” _Matt said and mirrored my actions, Hendrix licking his hand and making Matt laugh._

“W-what… Did you said?!”

“Hum?” _Matt looked confused._

“H-how do you… How do you know his name is Hendrix?!” _I stuttered and asked unbelieving._

“Are you kidding me? I gave you this dog as a…” _Matt widened his eyes when he realized what he just said and so did I!_ “…gift!”

_At that moment we did nothing but stare at each other, open-mouthed, confused and also in disbelief. I couldn’t feel my legs and then I realized I was sitting on the ground, Hendrix still sniffing me._

“Did you just…”

“Remember it? Yeah, I think so…” _He almost whispered, like if he was talking it to himself._ “W-what should I do?” _His blue eyes were shining and I could see a smile on his face._

“I don’t know… Just…”

_I couldn’t help but hug Matt. Then I started to laugh like a fool, hugging him tightly. Suddenly I felt his skinny hands running over my back and holding me as well. His touch… I missed it so much… I could hug him for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t even mind._

“Are you fine?” _Matt asked, his voice reaching my ears like if he was singing to me. And I do miss his singing._

“Yeah, sure! I couldn’t feel better!” _I moved away, grinning to him._

“So, it was Hendrix who you wanted me to meet?” _Matt asked, petting Hendrix’s head._

“Yes. Now we must bring him with us. Hendrix can’t be alone here and I will be with you, so…” _I stood up, brushing off my trousers and Matt did it the same, holding Hendrix in his arms._

“But now? I mean, I won’t even get to enter your house?”

“Oh, do you want to?” _He nodded._ “Okay, then.” _I smiled and gestured for Matt to enter in my house._

_We went to the living room, Matt looking for all the corners, really curious. He looked to the stairs and then to me. He wanted to keep exploring my house, something he did not want at his own. I nodded, smiling, and he repaid me with another one, still holding Hendrix. I stayed in the living room and waited a few minutes. Matt finally came back and with a sad look._

“Couldn’t remember a thing… Sorry.”

“Nah, don’t worry. I’m getting used to it.” _I tapped on his shoulders and we left my house._ “Let’s go back your home.”

 

***


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dom's still trying to figure out a way to help Matt to remember who he is, but things are not going the way Dom planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.

_We were coming back to Matt’s place when the song on the radio switched into a familiar tune, a Muse song. Matt didn’t have any idea what was playing on the radio, but he looked really interested in it. When he realized he quite liked it, he stopped looking through the window of the car and paid more attention to the music, even humming in some parts. I felt really happy but didn’t want to ‘spoil’ his fun. I didn’t tell him it was one of our songs._

“That’s a good one.” _He stated._ “And the lyrics are great!” _I glanced at Matt and found him smiling after the chorus. I chuckled. Good to know he still likes his own music!_ “Who’s the artist?”

“Hm, it’s a British band called Muse.” _Will he remember that I told him our band’s name at the hospital?_

“Muse…? I think I recognize that name…” _Sure, I had mentioned it to him before._ “I think you should play it, you know? I mean, I don’t even know what you used to do in our band but- Whoa!” _He stared agape to the radio when the solo started._ “That’s brilliant!!! How can someone be able to play something like this?” _Then I couldn’t help but laughing loud when he said that. Poor Matt, has no idea how brilliant he is._ “Why are you laughing?” _He pouted._ “Don’t be mean! I don’t remember what kind of music I like, okay?” _He smiled shyly, crossing his arms._

“Oh, Matt! You have an awesome taste in music!”

“Hmmm, you're not making fun of me, right?”

“I’m not! I’m serious!”

“So why are you laughing?” _He narrowed his eyes._

“It’s only because it’s a Muse song.”

“And…?”

_I stopped the car when the traffic light turned red and looked properly at Matt._ “Muse is our band, Matthew.” _I smiled._

“Oh… That’s why I recognized this name! But… what did I do? In the band…” _He wiggled on his seat._

“You are only the singer, guitarist, pianist and main composer. Only that.”

“W-what?!” _He widened his eyes, stuttering._ “Y-you are kidding me, right?!”

“No, I’m not.” _I winked and Matt tried to say something, but he was stuck open mouthed. The traffic light turned green again and I kept driving to Matt’s house. He kept his silence until the end of the song._ “What happened?”

“I can’t believe it… It was me? Singing? Playing?” _I nodded._ “Whoa! I just… Whoa!” _He shook his head._ “Can you tell me more about our band?”

“I think it’d be better if you, Chris, Tom and I talk about it together. You know, to make you understand all the details. But I can tell you the basics. We have released four albums.”

“Four?”

“The first one was released in 1999 and it’s called Showbiz.”

“1999? Exactly ten years ago!” _He chuckled._

“Yeah, time goes by! Our second album was Origin of Symmetry, 2001. In 2003 it was the time to Absolution and, in 2006, we finally released Black Holes and Revelations. The music you just listened to is from our last album, that song was ‘Invincible’.”

“No, that song was Incredible!” _Matt joked and we laughed. I glanced at him; to see that he was smiling made me feel really good. Somehow it was making me believe I am able to make him remember everything about us, or at least most of the things._

“And we’re almost done with our fifth album, but I guess we'll just put it on hold for a while…” _I pointed._

“What did you play, Dominic?”

“The drums. Chris plays the bass and the backing vocals. You are the multitasker, not us.” _I heard him chuckling once again. That’s good, really good!_

“Can you please put more one song? I would like to listen to some more.”

“Sure! I have some samples of our albums here.” _I pointed to the CD case over the car dashboard. Matt took the Absolution CD and put it in the CD player._ “Go to track number 10. I want you to know how amazing you play.”

“Okay…” _He obeyed and Butterflies & Hurricanes started to play._

“Listen to this masterpiece. I don’t like to brag, but to me, it’s one of our best songs.” _I chuckled and Matt said nothing. He was really paying attention to the song._ “Wait until you hear what you can do with the piano. You are great, Matt! I remember when you played the piano for the first time. Well, not the very first time, I mean, I remember the first time I heard you playing that. You almost made me cry, dude!”

“Really?” _He asked._

“Yeah! Oh man, you always loved Chopin's compositions! Do you remember Chopin?” _He shook his head._ “What about Rachmaninoff?”

“I don’t think so… Who’s that?”

“Don’t worry, we will have time to listen to that, too. Wait! Listen now, now!” _I said cheerful when the piano solo was about to start._ “It’s beautiful!”

“Is it… Me?” _Matt asked in disbelief and I don’t blame him. He’s so talented! I think if it was me who had lost my memory, I wouldn’t believe I used to play like that too._

“Yes, my friend. You are marvellous. Get used to it. Again.” _I grinned._ “What if you try to play something when we come back?”

“But I don’t remember how to play the piano, Dominic…”

“Matt, don’t say that! You were born to be a pianist! Actually, to be a musician, because you have so many skills. I was really impressed when I first met you. The way you used to play… It sounded like it was something unconscious, I don’t know how to explain that. It sounded so natural… As if you have always known how to play. You’re amazing, Matt.” _I practically whispered. Talking about Matt always makes me start to ramble. I admire him so much, not only because I am in love with him, but it’s because he really is a great musician, a great person!_

“Dominic, I don’t…”

“What? Don’t be shy! I know you still can play it! As I said before, you are amazing and I’m proud of you.” _I glanced at him and smiled, trying to make him feel more comfortable. He only nodded and looked through the window._ “Are you okay? Did you like the song?”

“Sure! I found it fantastic! But I’m not sure I can play it anymore.”

“You’re so modest, Matt.” _I shook my head, smiling._

_In a few minutes we got to his home._ “So, what do you want to do now?” _I asked as we entered his house._ “It’s only 8 p.m. We can do one or two more things before we go to sleep. We can watch a movie or we- Wait! Where’s Hendrix?!” _I stopped and looked back to the car._

“He’s here…” _Matt was holding Hendrix in his arms and lifting his eyebrows. I haven’t noticed that!_

“Oh, sorry. I think I spaced out a bit.” _I laughed and shook my head._ “So, did you decide what we will do now?” _I closed the door behind us and Matt put Hendrix on the floor._

“Hm, I’m a bit sleepy, sorry… I think I will try to get some sleep.”

“Oh, okay. We can do something tomorrow.” _I smiled and Matt nodded._

“Come with me, I will show you your room.”

_We went upstairs for the very first time since Matt had left the hospital. I don’t know why he didn’t want to explore his place yet, but it was okay. He was tired, I understood him; he needed a proper rest. It was a long day for him._

“This is your room.” _I said as I opened the door._ “I will be there.” _I pointed to the next room._ “If you need any help, just call me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good night.” _I waved and Matt nodded again, immediately closing his door. I hope he’s okay… I think it’s just because he’s tired._

_Before I went to my room, I mean, to one of the guest rooms of Matt’s house, I checked if Hendrix had enough food and water. After a few minutes I finally went to my room. I took off my shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, looking around the room in a very thoughtful state._

_Will Matt be okay on his own? What if he has trouble sleeping? I remember Doctor Walker saying that Matt could feel some discomfort, a headache or pain in some parts of his body, especially in his back. I hope he’ll get well soon._

_I laid down on the mattress and started to think if it’d be better to take a shower before sleeping, but my thoughts were disturbed by a knock on my door._

“Come in.” _I said as I sat up. Matthew opened the door and put his head inside the room, glancing around it until finally catching my eyes._ “I thought you were going to sleep.” _I smiled._

“Hm, I was, but…” _Matt cleared his throat and scratched his nape._ “I thought I could take a shower before that.” _Funny, I was thinking the same._

“You can.”

“No, I can’t…” _He glared at the floor._

“Why not?” _I stood up and walked towards him._

“I-I’m having trouble.” _I noticed his cheeks growing red and then I remembered when Doctor Walker told me how the nurses helped Matt take a shower._

“Oh, I see. I can help… You.” _I gulped when I realized what I just had offered to do. I had no idea what kind of help he needed and thinking that those nurses had seen him… Naked… Oh my God! What was I doing?! I wanted to help him, but I didn’t want to make him think that I was some kind of a pervert! He needed to trust me, not to feel disgusted by me._ “I-I mean, what kind of help do you need?”

“I have trouble… With buttons…” _Matt almost whispered and his face was redder than before. Well, I think I was blushing, too… I’m stupid!_ “N-never mind, I will-”

“Let me help you!” _Again, I didn’t think twice before saying that. Matt lifted his gaze and bit his bottom lip. Nodding, he went to his room and I followed him, confused. I knew I will help him, I knew it was about buttons, but, still, what will I do?_

_I just stood at the door of his room, waiting for some request by Matt or anything else of that kind._ “You can… Sit there.” _He pointed to his bed and then buried his hands in his pockets. I obeyed and sat on the edge. Okay… I thought things could get a little… Weird… Don’t be silly, Dom. Matt is your friend and he needs your help, nothing more will happen. Stop thinking of him in a way that friends shouldn’t. Respect him!_

_After a few moments Matt stepped forward, still flushing a bit and staring at the floor._ “Are you okay?” _I asked. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable._

“Y-yes.”

“Want me to help you with your shirt?” _He nodded and stepped forward once again, now in front of me. Even though I was sitting, I could perfectly manage to help him._ “May I?” _I indicated the buttons of his shirt with my fingers, Matt nodded and assented._

_As I opened the buttons, Matt’s pale skin slowly got exposed, looking so silky and soft… My fingers slightly brushed against his bare chest while I was helping him, making Matt to shiver a bit. At first I thought it was a real discomfort to him, but… I don’t know. When I finally unbuttoned his shirt and looked up at Matt, I found him staring at me, peaceful. He didn't look bothered anymore._

“Done.” _I said and cleared my throat, looking around the room and realizing it was time to stand up and leave Matt to take his shower. But it was not. Matt placed his hands on my shoulders, preventing me to stand up._ “Hm?” _I looked at him, confused._ “What happened?”

“I-I… I told you, I have troubles with… Buttons…” _Then, ducking his head, Matt looked down and… Oh. I got it…_

“Oh… I see… Well…” _You can do it, Dom. You can do it._ “Y-your trousers, right?” _I asked just to be sure of what he was asking me._

“Yes…”

“Okay.”

_So, I tried to be as quick as possible, but not being rude. Clumsily, I undid his belt buckle as Matt crossed his arms, apparently trying to cover his bare skin. Then I headed my fingers to the button of his trouser and, after that, unzipped it. I blushed when I noticed he was wearing navy boxers._

“I can manage from here.” _Matt moved away, already walking towards the bathroom._ “Thank you.” _He closed the door and left me there, alone in his room._

“Okay, then…” _He’s so shy…_ “I’m leaving now.” _I said loud enough to let him hear from the bathroom, but I think he didn’t. I heard the sound of running water and concluded he didn’t need my help for now._

_When I stood up and was about to go to my room, I thought it’d be better if I would sort some clean clothes for Matt. I moved to his wardrobe and picked a pair of boxers, a pair of loose trousers and shirt. After folding his clothes, I put them over his bed and was on my way to the door when I heard a noise. It was a muffled sound and I got worried. What if Matt had slipped and fell on the floor? What if he knocked his head? Oh God, I needed to help him!_

_I crossed the room and knocked on the bathroom door._ “Matt?” _He didn’t say a thing._ “Is everything okay?” _I asked worried._

“Dominic…” _I could hear him calling me._ “Help me.” _What’s going on?!_

_I didn’t think twice, I just opened the door and entered the bathroom. The first thing I saw was Matt’s outline on the almost transparent shower curtains. He was leaning forward, resting one hand on the wall._ “Matthew, are you fine?!” _I inquired as I opened the curtains. He had his back to me, the water traced thin lines on his body, from his head to his feet, until finally hitting the floor, splashing tiny water drops that joined into a puddle. I didn’t care if he was taking a shower, I didn’t care if he was naked in front of me, I didn’t care if I was not supposed to be in there. He called me, asked for help, he needed me. That’s what really mattered._ “What happened?” _I moved closer, not bothering to get wet in the shower._

_Matt looked at me over his shoulder, frowning, red cheeks, trembling parted lips._ “My back… It’s hurting. I can’t bend…” _He looked away._

“Oh, that’s okay. I will help you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I remember the Doctor said you would probably feel some back pains.” _I stepped forward and waited for Matt’s permission._

“Alright…”

_I held his shoulders and let the water soak me a bit more; my head now completely under the stream of water._ “May I?” _Matt nodded and I slipped one of my hands to his waist and the other headed to his chest, holding him tightly to help him to straighten his posture, his naked body resting against my soaked clothes._ “Is it still hurting? Your back, I mean.”

“A bit.” _He answered, still not looking at me._

_Then I slid both hands to Matt’s back and started to rub it, giving him a massage to make him feel better and to ease his pain. Matt moaned as I pressed his trapezius. Thinking I was a bit rude, I immediately reacted to his moan._ “Sorry!”

“It’s okay. Just keep… Going.” _He turned his head to face me. His blue eyes staring at me, his brunet hair stuck to his forehead, water streaming down his face, tracing to his chin, to his neck. Such a vision… I nodded and he gave me a shy smile, immediately turning his face to stare at the wall. I shook my head, trying to pull away from some particular thoughts._

_But it was hard work… I mean, it’s hard not to have these thoughts whilst I was massaging him. I was right; his skin is really silky, soft… I had to fight against the urge not to hold him tightly. Not in the way I just held him to help him, but… You know. He’s the guy I have always loved; it was hard to resist._

_After a few minutes of back rubbing, I noticed it was enough. I helped Matt get out of the shower and handed him a bathrobe, which he wore immediately. I could feel tension in the room, but I perfectly understood it. How should you act after you've helped the person you love to take a shower, rubbing his back because of some pain? I mean, I helped him, okay; but no one can deny it. It was weird… And the way Matt embraced himself now, like as if he was trying to hide from me… Okay, not actually trying to hide himself, but… It was enough; I was really embarrassed and confused. I should've let Matt on his own by now. He knew what to do._

“I’m leaving.” _I said as I walked to the door, visibly bashful, sure I was blushing. Stupid me!_

“Thank you, Dominic.” _Matt said before I went. I glanced at him and noticed his face slightly flushed. Oh, and a smile… His lips were curled into a shy smile._ “You know, for what you did and for that.” _He pointed to the clothes I had left on his bed. Nodding, I beamed and went to my room._

_I realized that I needed a proper shower, or at least a change of clothes. Well, I couldn’t soak my bed, could I? I walked towards the wardrobe in my room (yes, I will live in Matt’s house for a while) and picked some clean clothes. After changing myself I finally laid down on the bed. I checked the digital clock beside my bed, it was almost 9 p.m., even though it was still early, I definitely needed some rest…_

_But I couldn’t fall asleep._

_Hm, it would be great if I could sleep. My brain couldn't stop working! I checked the clock once again, 1:07 a.m. Damn it. I couldn’t sleep… Well, I think Matt couldn't sleep, too. He knocked on my door at that moment. I stood up and opened the door._

“Sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you.” _He said._

“Don’t worry. I couldn’t even sleep.” _I smiled and scratched my nape._ “What happened?”

“Hm, I can’t sleep, too…”

“Nice, let’s have some hot cocoa.” _I chuckled._

“Okay, but… What’s that?”

“You will taste it by yourself.” _I winked and patted his shoulder._ “Come with me.”

_We went downstairs, to the kitchen, and I prepared our hot cocoa. We sat at the table and I waited for Matt to drink his chocolate._ “Want me to go first?” _I grinned and he blushed a bit, immediately nodding._ “Okay!” _I lifted my mug and tasted the content._ “Awesome.” _I chuckled._ “Now it’s your turn.”

“I hope it’s good.” _He smiled and mirrored my actions, sipping the cocoa._ “Oh my God!!!” _Another sip; a long one this time._ “Geez! Where do you find those delicious things, Dominic?!”

“You like it, I guess.” _I laughed and Matt nodded, frantically._

“Of course I do! Tomorrow you will cook every kind of food you know!” _He smiled. Good to see that cute (wonky) smile…_ “Sorry, I think I am too-”

“There’s no problem, dude. Seriously. I will cook everything you want.” _I said, still happy because of his positive reaction. When we finished our hot cocoa, I left our mugs in the sink._ “Want to do anything else?”

“Hm, I still can’t sleep. What did I use to do when I couldn’t sleep?”

“Want the truth? Sometimes you fell asleep after playing the piano. Or whilst you were playing it.” _I chuckled. Those were good and funny memories…_

“How do you know that? I mean, did you live with me?”

“Oh, no!” _I laughed and shook my hands. It would have been great if I used to live with Matt._ “I mean, we lived in the same flat once, but we were young. I know about the piano thing because… You know, you are my best friend and you used to tell me everything what happened to you and around you. And there were times when I went to your place, knocked on the door or tried to call you and you didn’t answer me. Then I used to peek through the window. There you were, sleeping on the piano. It was funny.” _It had happened a few times._

“It sounds like a good memory.” _Matt smiled and so did I._

“You know what? Try to play a bit. It can help you, I’m sure.” _I suggested. Matt widened his eyes in disbelief._

“W-what?! N-no! I can’t!” _He stuttered and shook his head, stepping back._

“Give it a try!”

“But…”

“You won’t regret it. Please.” _I can’t say what exactly I tried to do. Puppy eyes? Whatever, Matt nodded, unwilling._ “Great! Follow me!” _I held his hand and walked towards the music room. Yes, Matthew has a music room, full of guitars (classical and electrical ones), a beautiful black grand piano in the middle and some other music related stuff. There’s also a massive window where the sunshine or moonlight could come in and fill the room. It’s a beautiful thing to see._

“You are kidding me, right? No way I can play something like this!” _Matt shook his head. Grabbing his shoulders, I forced him to sit on the piano bench._

_At that moment, it was moonlight that is filling the room. That soft light over Matt's exposed skin made him look divine, an angel… His pale skin practically glowing… It looked so silky… Well, I was pretty sure it’s silky and soft! Stop it, Dom!_ “Hm!” _I cleared my throat._ “Of course you can play it! I mean, you used to do it so naturally.” _I was holding his shoulders, preventing him from standing up._

“Okay, I used to play it. Past tense.”

“Don’t say something like that! You should at least try.”

“If I couldn’t play it, will you give up on me?” _He asked quietly, afraid of the answer I might give._

“What?! Are you crazy?! Hell, no! Of course not!” _He looked at me, frowning and analysing my face. Then he looked back at the piano, staring at its ivory keys, thoughtfully._ “C’mon, try to press a key.” _I said with a smooth voice, trying to make him feel more comfortable._

_Matthew took a deep breath and after a few seconds, tried to press a single key, that's it, nothing more. I waited a few moments and then asked._ “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know how to begin!”

“Well, at least you tried to play something. Keep trying! I’m sure you will do it.”

“But I…”

“C’mon, Matt! Do it! I know you can do it! You are a great, amazing, and extremely talented pianist! There’s no way you have forgotten how to play it!”

"Don’t push me." _He said in a steely tone, but I refused to hear the warning in his voice. Matt tried again, banging his fingers on three keys this time instead of one, then put his palms on his thighs._

"At least try." _I urged him even more, a bit annoyed._

_That, for him, was the last straw._

_Matt stood up all of a sudden, abruptly, banging both hands over the piano keys, making a disharmonious noise that usually happens when someone slams the keys._

"Stop!"

_I moved away, stepping back, widening my eyes and looking at him a bit scared. What happened? He stared at me with an angry look on his face, his hands still over the keys, breathing slowly, red faced and frowning. But in the corners of his eyes, not yet masked by his anger, I could see it. Hurt._

“Don’t push me! I can’t do this!”

_Leg after leg, Matt freed himself from the piano stool, exited the room and thundered upstairs, leaving me there, alone._

_Before slamming his door forcefully, Matt screamed at me one last sentence that echoed through the empty house. ___

__**"I am not your Matthew anymore!" ******_ _

__********* ** _ _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dom is getting a cold shoulder from Matt since what happened on the previous night, but he will try everything to make it up to his beloved friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
> 
> It's a 5,475 words chapter (the longest one so far) and I must thank my beta @Neta_lichT for her amazing work and unlimited patience! This chapter has a few flashback scenes. To distinguish them from the 'now', during the flashback conversations are italic and Dom's narration is regular.

_**‘I am not your Matthew anymore!’** _

_**‘I am not your Matthew anymore!’** _

_**‘I am not your Matthew anymore!’** _

_It was all very sudden; I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I had no idea he was feeling uncomfortable… Or I rather preferred to ignore it… I’m stupid! And the way Matt reacted… His words… They wouldn't stop echoing in my mind. I hope he didn’t mean it, I hope he only said that because he was annoyed._

_I ran my hands through my hair, wiped my forehead and then went upstairs, too. I walked towards Matt’s room and knocked on the door, waiting him to answer that._ “Matt, are you there?” _I heard nothing inside. I tried to turn the knob but the door was locked, so I knocked once more._ “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you into something you didn’t feel ready to do. Sorry…”

“But you did it!” _he sneered at me, that was the first thing I heard Matt say to me._ “Now leave me alone.” _I could hear him whispering._

_It was enough. I wouldn't force him anymore. Stupid, I am stupid! A fool, a twat! That’s what I am. Damn it! Things were so going so well between us, but now… I’ve spoiled everything. I couldn’t disturb him right now, I understood he was angry. The best I could do was leave him and let him clear his mind. Yes, that’s what I will do…._

_Once again I went downstairs and to the living room, Hendrix following me the whole time. I was bewildered…_ “Sorry friend.” _I said, putting Hendrix in my arms and sitting on the couch._

_I stayed there. Sitting and trying of think in a way to make it up to Matt, falling asleep in the process._

_***_

_The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Matt’s shape walking towards the kitchen. I rubbed my eyes, yawned and sat up, looking around to recognize the place. Yeah, I definitely slept on the couch. It was not a dream. Damn it. I thought maybe things could be better the next morning, but I couldn’t be more wrong. Matt just kept ignoring me, as if I didn’t even exist, as if I was only a ghost that he tried to ignore._

_Scratching my nape, I looked at the carpet and found Hendrix still sleeping. It looked like he was the only one who wasn’t pissed off. Good, at least someone is free from some kind of sadness… I stood up and stretched, yawning again, then I headed to the kitchen and found Matt absorbed, staring at the refrigerator._

_He didn’t notice my presence so I kept observing him. Matt was searching for something to eat, I was sure, but he didn’t know what to choose. I folded my arms and couldn’t help but smile at that scene. Even though last night ended not in the best way, I couldn’t be mad at him. I love that guy, and I’m afraid my love for him only grows day by day._

_Matt leaned forward, one hand on his hips and the other on his chin, humming whilst thinking what he could eat. He gave it up, shook his head and groaned as he closed the refrigerator door._ “Want some help?” _I offered in an attempt to make it up to him. He only looked over his shoulder, finally noticing that I was there, before turning his attention to the table._

_Sitting on the chair, Matt looked towards the window, tapping his fingers over the wooden table._ “Still not talking to me?” _I inquired as he said nothing, not even looking at me._ “Got it…” _I sighed and opened the refrigerator, scanning the interior._ “Do you want some corn flakes with milk?” _I suggested as I held the milk bottle and pointed to the corn flake package inside the cupboard, visible only because of the glass. Matt only looked to the milk, and from the milk to the package, and once again, he didn’t say anything._

_Okay, getting a cold shoulder from my best friend is not the best way to start a day._ “Matt, I’m sorry for whatever I said or did. I’m really sorry, but you can’t ignore me forever, okay?” _I told him whilst I opened the cupboard and took the corn flakes, disposing both package and bottle in front of him._ “I’m here to help you. I’m your friend, not your enemy.” _I took a spoon and a bowl, poured flakes and milk into it and pushed it to Matt. He didn’t move a finger towards his bowl._ “I thought you were hungry.” _I lifted an eyebrow and waited for his answer. Who said he would talk to me?_ “You don’t want corn flakes? You should at least try, you know? You used to like it, but if you don’t want… There’s no problem, I will cook something else.”

_I took a clean pan from the cupboard, a package of maple leaf bacon, sliced bread, spinach, four eggs, gruyere cheese, two cloves of garlic, olive oil, salt and pepper. Once I had all the ingredients to make the breakfast, I stepped closer the kitchen worktop and disposed the materials over it. First of all, I had to preheat the oven, then, I minced up the cloves of garlic, tossing them into the pan with olive oil. I fried the garlic until it turned golden and fragrant and then I threw in the spinach, covering the pan with a lid._

_While the spinach was frying, I took another pan and fried a few strips of bacon. I turn my attention back to the spinach, took the lid off and stirred a little bit until everything was cooked. Finally I added a pinch of salt and black pepper, setting it aside. I took my muffin tin and placed four rounds of bread into the bottom of it, added some shredded gruyere, put some spinach down, lined the perimeter of the cups with two stripes of bacon and cracked an egg in the middle of each cup. I couldn’t forget to top them with more cheese, of course, and finally put them in the oven for a few minutes._

_During the whole process I could notice Matt observing me. I mean, he looked really curious about what I was cooking for him and didn’t realize I was aware of his stare the whole time. Proud guy… Why can’t he throw in the towel? While I was waiting for the meal get ready, I leaned on the worktop, crossed my arms and sighed when I realized Matt had not touched his corn flakes._ “How long will it be until you'll finally decide to talk to me again? Is this some kind of a punishment?” _I asked. Matt just started tapping his fingers on the table again, ignoring me._

_Damn it, I was sick of his silliness. I mean, was he hurt? Okay, I was able to try and fix it. Well, I could try to fix it only if he let me… First of all, about what exactly was he so mad at me? So many things happened the last night. Was he acting like this because of the… Shower time? Was he ashamed of that? No, it couldn’t be it. I was helping him, he knew it. Why be angry about help? It didn’t make sense. Was because of the piano thing? Maybe he was angry at himself because he wasn’t able to play. Yeah, maybe it was because of that. Well, I couldn’t help him. I would have liked to try, but he wouldn’t talk to me. I wanted to explain that he didn’t need to try anything he didn’t want to. We will have time to this, I was sure._

_After a few minutes I realized the breakfast was ready. I took out of the oven the muffin tin and put it over the worktop. Hm, it smelt really good! I disposed the bacon and eggs (I don’t know the name of that recipe; I learnt it from the internet and never knew the name. Who cares? It’s delicious!) on the dish and put it in front of Matt. Again, he even didn’t look at the dish._

“Eat it. I’m sure you will like it.” _I offered with a warm smile, trying to comforting him. Silence was all I got from him._ “Matt, please! Talk to me! Don’t you think it’s enough?” _What was that…? Oh! Silence…_ “You can’t pretend; I know you’re hungry and you will have to eat something anyway.” _I crossed my arms, lifting one eyebrow and waited. He finally looked at me. Those static blue eyes looking into mine, almost constraining._

“I’m not hungry.” _It was the only thing he said before his stomach growled. Matt couldn’t help but blush at that, immediately turning his gaze to his fingers._

“Oh, you’re not hungry, are you?” _I mocked and shook my head._ “Okay, let’s do it your way then. You’re not talking to me? Great! My day couldn’t be better! Thank you. Do whatever you want, I’m tired.” _I turned on my heels, snorting whilst on my way to my room._ “Fuck!” _I huffed when I slammed the door, hitting my head on the door on purpose._ “Why he can’t accept my apologies?”

_I decided it’d be better if I went out to clear my mind. My attempts to make it up to him were failing miserably and I was getting really bothered. I went to the bathroom, took a shower and dried myself. In a few minutes I was dressed. I took my wallet, my car keys and mobile and went downstairs. When I passed through the kitchen, I saw Matt gulping down the bacon and eggs. The corn flakes bowl was already empty. I couldn’t help but smile when I realized how much he was enjoying the food._

“Oh, Jesus!” _He moaned, eyes closed and humming whilst tasting the bacon. Then he realized my presence and became all cold and serious. I sighed._

“I am going to get the groceries. I will be right back.” _I told him, facing him again. I already knew he wouldn’t say anything. So why insist, hm? I kept walking to the door, Hendrix the only one to say goodbye to me. Well, not really ‘saying’, you know… He only licked my shoes and sat on the carpet, looking at me._ “See you, Hendrix.” _I smiled and he wagged his tail._

_***_

“He is… A bit annoyed, you know?” _I told Chris through the phone whilst I was looking for the tomatoes at the supermarket. I found the vegetable section and walked with the trolley towards the tomatoes._

“But why? What did you do?” _He asked concerned and I heard a baby crying._ “Ernie, my boy! Shush, mom is on her way to home, okay?”

“Are you busy, Chris? I'll talk to you later.” _I suggested as I started to choose the best tomatoes. I needed them to make sauce because I was planning to cook some spaghetti again, since Matt liked it._

“No, Dom. We can keep talking.” _He hurried to say._ “I’m just feeding Ernie.”

“You? Feeding him?” _I laughed when I pictured Chris breastfeeding his baby._ “So, Kelly is the one who wears the trousers, hu?”

“Ah-ha, you’re so funny, Dom.” _Chris pretended to laugh, but I knew he was smiling._ “I said feeding, not breastfeeding, you idiot.”

“Oi! Christopher Tony Wolstenholme, did you just swear in front of our baby?!” _I imitated Kelly’s voice in a reproaching tone, laughing after that._

“He’s not even one year old. He can't understand what I said. So, you were talking about Matt.”

“Oh, yes…” _I kept silent, still picking tomatoes. One of them fell on the floor and I bent down to grab it._

“I’m all ears. Tell me what happened.”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t know exactly why he’s upset… I mean, last night some things happened, but…” _Should I tell Chris everything what happened? Every detail? He could misunderstand the shower part… Chris doesn’t know I love Matt. No one knows._

“Things? What do you- Dominic!” _Chris increased the volume of his voice and took me by surprise._ “What the heck did you do?” _He asked in a parental tone, worried._

“W-what are you suggesting, Chris? I did nothing, okay? We just… We just argued…” _I almost whispered at the memory of Matt thundering upstairs._

“But why?”

“Well, let’s just say he wasn’t really comfortable…” _Enough tomatoes. I went to the pasta section. I was out of pasta._

“I think you’re trying to hurry him up.”

“Why would you say that?” _How would Chris know?!_

“Oh, please, Dom, I've known you for years. You and Matt…” _I heard him sighing._ “You know, you two were always so close, always doing the same things together. I know you miss him so bad, you want him to… You want him to act the same way he used to, but you need to understand, Dom. Matt, he…” _Chris’ voice was sad, broken… I wondered if he was holding back tears… It was hard for me, too. I felt my eyes getting wet. Fuck. I couldn’t cry in the middle of the supermarket!_

_I frowned, pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath._ “Yes, Chris. I know…” _I had even stopped walking; I didn’t remember what I had to do._ “I’m still getting used to it…”

“It’s a matter of time now. Be patient, Dom.”

“Yeah, sure.” _I shook my head and kept on my way to the pasta section. We didn’t say anything else after that and I could feel my mobile slowly heating my ear. I passed through a few sections; just staring at one of the aisles. Suddenly, that vision brought to me a memory…_

_***_

_“Oh, fuck, Matt! Are you crazy?!”_ Laughing hysterically, I half asked half barked whilst chasing him between the supermarket aisles. That crazy guy was riding a freaking kick scooter in the middle of the freaking supermarket!

_“You won’t catch me, moron!”_ He burst out laughing and almost hit a woman on his way.

_“Stop it, Matt! You will end up killing someone!”_ I tried to say in a worried tone, but I couldn’t help laughing.

 

_***_

_I couldn’t remember clearly when that happened, probably 2001 or 2002… We were high on mushrooms, you can’t blame me for not remembering that! But there were things I couldn’t ever forget… Matt’s laugh, Matt’s smile, Matt’s shining eyes, Matt’s happiness, Matt’s company. Matt…_

_Matt…_

_He always made me smile, made me laugh…_

_Matt always made me happy._

“Are you okay, Dom?” _Chris asked, waking me out of my trance, suddenly feeling too nostalgic to stay there._

“I'm fine. Still feeding Ernie?” _I asked in an attempt to change the topic._

“Oh, yeah, yeah.” _He coughed._ “Listen, Dom. I was wondering, what do you think about us planning something for this weekend?”

“For Matt? I think it would be great!” _I concluded._

“Yeah, we could invite Tom, Morgan, Gaia, Kelly and the kids, Paul, Anderson, Glen… You know, a family meal.” _He chuckled and I smiled._

“Sure, mate. It would be great. Dinner?”

“Yes, maybe.”

“Nice. I will help cook something.” _I offered._

“Thanks, dude.”

“Well, I am already doing the groceries, so I will buy ingredients for the dinner.”

“Okay!” _I heard Ernie crying again._ “Sorry, Dom. Gotta go…”

“It’s alright, Chris. Talk to you later.”

“Okay, dude. Bye.” _He hung up and I put my mobile in my pocket._

_***_

_When I came back home I decided to enter through the kitchen door because it was near the garage and I had a few grocery bags to carry inside. Oh, and of course I didn’t want to disturb Matt. He was mad at me and I was pretty sure he would refuse to help me._

_I placed the bags on the table and walked towards the living room, but I stopped in the middle of the way when I heard Matt talking to someone. Who was there? I found myself lurking from the living room doorway. Matt had his back to me, sitting on the carpet and petting Hendrix, who lazed beside him, his head over one Matt’s legs._

_That scene took me by surprise. I wouldn’t ever imagine that Matt could be talking to Hendrix! I paid more attention to catch what he was saying. What was the subject?_ “Can you understand? I think you can’t…” _He said, sad._ “What are you expecting from me?” _Hm? Was he really talking to Hendrix?_ “I don’t know who I am, I don’t know who you are and it scares me. You have no idea. But the real reason to this make me so scared is because… Despite all my lack of knowledge about you, I still feel that I know you…”

_Oh… He’s talking to ME…_ “I know you told me the truth. I trust you, really. I believe we were best friends, I can feel it’s true. This is what scares me. Last night you…” _He kept silent for a moment, looked to Hendrix and realized the dog was already sleeping._ “You helped me last night. I thank you very much for that, but then you started talking about the ‘old’ me.” _‘Old’ you? Don’t say that, Matt! You are the same… You may not believe it, but you are the same…_

“You said how good I was; you talked about my skills with such happiness in your eyes… Skills that I don’t even know I could have!” _Matt kept talking._ “But… You need to understand I don’t know anything anymore! I can’t sing, I can’t play the piano or guitar or whatever I used to play. I can’t! And I told you…” _He whispered. I could hear the misery in his voice and I frowned, gulped and started to feel guilty._

“Even though, you kept forcing me. You asked me to try to play something, but I knew I was not able to anymore. For God sakes, you couldn’t stop asking me to do that! You pushed me into something I was sure I would spoil!” _Suddenly he sounded really irritable._ “I wish I could play the piano, I wish I could be the guy I was before! I didn’t want to disappoint you and I don’t even know you!” _Disappoint me?! Matthew, you can never let me down!_ “Can you understand what it means?! You don’t know what it feels like. It wasn’t you who woke up to an unfamiliar world and had to face it without knowing who you were; without knowing any of the people around you who were supposedly your best friends.”

_I see… Now I understood what made him so upset… Damn it, I was so eager to teach him about himself only because I wanted him back. I still wanted him back…_ “Of all the people I met after waking up, you were the only one who I immediately felt I could trust. That was weird. I’ve never ever had seen you before and at the same time I felt like I knew you for a whole lifetime.” _Was he telling the truth…? Does he really think it? Jesus… I had no idea…_

“Please. Give me more chance…” _He turned his gaze to Hendrix._ “I will try my best, but you need to accept the fact that I may not be successful…” _Okay, Matt. I won’t force you anymore._ “Don’t blame me…” _He said with a trembling voice and then headed one hand to his face. Was Matt crying?! I would never forgive myself for making him cry!_

_At that moment I felt the urge to just run to him and hug him; telling him how sorry I was and that I would never do something like that to him again. I was so fucking selfish! I thought everything was okay; I didn’t put myself in his place. Of course he was scared! It was just like he said, he didn’t know me- Well, he didn’t know me yet… And I only bombarded him! I was such a dick head! Fuck, I couldn’t stop blaming myself right now. I screwed everything up! Stupid me! Go kill yourself, Dom!_

_I thought Matt heard me snorting because he started to look around. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to see me eavesdropping, so I ran back to the kitchen, opened the back door and closed it again._ “I’m back!” _I announced, pretending I had just arrived. I wiggled the bags over the wooden table, like I just had placed them there, then I walked back to the living room._

_Matt only looked over his shoulders and turned his attention back to Hendrix, but the dog was still sleeping. Matt held him in his arms and stood up. He was on his way to upstairs when I hurried and grabbed his sleeve. He turned to face me, arching both eyebrows._ “Wait…” _I asked, he stopped and for the first time since we argued, Matt gave me his attention._ “I'm Sorry, Matt.” _He sighed, shook his head and kept walking._ “Where are you going?” _I followed him._

“Stop! Don’t follow me!” _He shouted, immediately scaring me and waking Hendrix up, starting to wiggle in Matt’s arms._ “Shh… I’m sorry…” _Matt told Hendrix, stepping away from me._

_I just stayed there, agape, one hand on the handrail. Why did he react like that? I thought he had calmed down… I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to give myself some time._

_I went to my bedroom and picked my fishing gear. Yes, I was going to fish a bit. I used to do it often when I was mad at something. Most of the time Matt came along with me… Well, this time it was different…_

_***_

_There I was, sitting on a rock, waiting for a fish to bite. It was a lake near the road, a forty minute drive from home. I needed to clear my mind; it wasn’t enough only to go shopping. I never thought I would think this, but… I needed time away from Matt…_

_***_

_“It’s a pwopah fish! I caught a pwopah fish, Dom!”_ Matt cried happily whilst rolling in the fishing line. But then the fish slipped and fell on the ground, flailing. Chris, Tom and I burst out laughing. Matt never was a good fisher.

 

_***_

_His problem pronouncing the 'R' sounds has always intrigued me. Honestly, I found it cute. He used to fumble through the words when speaking too fast, this usually happening when he was nervous or anxious._

_It was another detail about him that I loved. I still love it._

_I could remember every time we went to a similar place like that, a lake far away from any disturber, only Matt and me. There were times when we didn’t even tell Chris or Tom about our whereabouts. And Chris is right, Matt and I were so close, always doing everything together… And the little details about him just made me love him even more._

_We met when we were young and were desperate to create a band. I can split my life in two eras, pre-Matt and with Matt. It may sound funny, but it’s the truth. Before I knew him, my life had nothing really special. I was a regular guy, attending to a regular school, with regular friends. Basically, I had a regular life. I couldn’t complain; it was a good life._

_But it got so much better after I met Matt._

_Quickly he became my best friend. We went to and from school together, always babbling so much, and rambling nonsense. In front of the others, Matt was visibly shy, didn’t talk too much and most of the people thought he was some kind of a freak, a nerd. But when we were together… Matt would show his true self. Somehow he chose to really open up to me even though we didn’t know each other for so long. It was like we had known each other for a lifetime… Just like Matt said earlier._

_Matt always greeted me with his warm smile, with his ocean blue eyes… Eyes that took claim of my heart after only a few years of friendship. At first I thought it was only friendship, because I’ve never had a friend as close as him, but then I realized it was something more. Well, if you give up on a girlfriend to be with your male best friend, I’m pretty sure it’s not only a regular friendship. It was definitely something deeper. I’m not lying. There were times when I was with a girl and couldn’t stop counting the hours until I would see Matt again._

_There were so many things to talk about us… I wish Matt could listen to my thoughts and know how important he is to me; how much I care about him. Actually, I will tell him everything, but I need to be patient. I didn’t want to scare him again… I will have enough time to talk to him after we will make up._

_My thoughts were disturbed by my phone buzzing. I didn’t feel like answering that call, so I ignored it, but the phone kept buzzing like hell._ “Damn it, I’m sure it’s Tom!” _I muttered but I turned to stone when I read the name on the display of my iPhone 3G. ‘Matt – home’ was all that was written._ “Matt?!” _I asked when I answered the call, but I heard nothing from the other side._ “Matt, are you okay?” _I was both worried and surprised at the same time. Was he in trouble? How could he remember my number? His phone was not even with him right now, so there was no way for Matt look through the number list!_

_He hung up._

_Oh, fuck! I couldn’t stay there anymore! I needed to know what happened to Matt and why he called me! I drove back home; almost crashing my car on the way. I had enough car accidents for a lifetime, but I had to get home as fast as I could! Only God knows what was happening to Matt._

_When I finally arrived, I hurried to the front door and opened._ “Matt! Matthew! Are you okay?” _He didn’t answer me. Geez, I got more worried!_ “Where are you?! Talk to me!” _I called around the house concerned. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it would burst out of my chest._

_I ran to the kitchen. He was not there._

“Matthew!”

_I ran upstairs, to his room. I opened the door in a sudden swing and found him sitting on his bed._ “Thank God, I found you!” _I stepped closer to him, but he only looked at me confused._

“What do you want?” _He asked, in a stern tone._

“What do I want?” _I lifted an eyebrow and repeated his question._ “What do you think I want? You called me!” _He kept silent._ “What happened? Why did you call me if you didn’t want to talk to me? Why are you still twisting my brain like this?!” _Nothing from him._ “What do you want me to do?! I already know what is upsetting you, I heard you talking to Hendrix when I came back home earlier.”

_Matt widened his eyes and stuttered._ “D-did you listen to that?!”

“Oh, now you’re talking, hm?!” _I mocked. Stop, Dom. You’re not helping._ “Yes, Matt. I listened to that and I thought we could sit and talk about it. I want to settle things, but no! You won't talk to me! You’re still ignoring me!” _I shook my hands in the air, gesticulating whilst arguing. Fuck, Dom. Stop it NOW!_ “Why can’t we just chat? Stop ignoring me! It hurts, you know? And to be honest, I tried my best to give you enough time to think about your silliness. I’m sick of it, Matt!” _I sighed and left Matt scared, agape in his bedroom._

_Oh, Dom. You are so wrong. So fucking wrong!_

_I slammed the door of my bedroom for the second time that day and then I locked it. I kicked off my shoes and threw myself on my bed. I didn’t even know what time it was. I didn’t give a fuck too. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was my eyes tearing._

_***_

_I had a dream. It was a good dream. I almost could feel the warmth in the dream. A sweet melody reaching my ears, echoing through the whole house…_

_In my dream I stood up from my bed and followed the sound. It came from the music room. I went downstairs, still feeling dozy, my head felt like it was in the clouds and as I got nearer to the music room, I heard the music getting louder, filling my ears and surprising me with such wonder._

_I stayed in the doorway, looking inside the room and realizing it was sunset. The last of the sunshine was inundating the place with a warm tone, sepia. The piano was in the middle of the room and Matt was there, playing it. He was playing in my dream. He was able to do it again._

_The song was a composition created by him. He had been working on it for years now and he had almost finished it, but… You know, the accident happened. I remember he said the song would be called ‘Redemption’. Actually it was a long composition but split into three shorter songs, ‘Overture’, ‘Cross-Pollination’ and finally ‘Redemption’. The whole thing was named ‘Exogenesis Symphony’, Matt’s ultimate masterpiece._

_The dream was so real… I was almost beginning to think it was not a dream… I could feel the cold floor under my feet, I could feel the warmth of the room, my ears were hearing a song, and the song was so real…_

_Was I dreaming…?_

_Were my eyes tricking me? The vision of Matt’s fingers pressing and running over the keys was so real… Just the way they used to move._

_Were my ears tricking me? The sound was exactly the same as to when he had played it to me in the studio… Exactly the same…_

_Was my body tricking me? The heat of the tears in my eyes was so vivid…_

_I wasn’t dreaming; it was real…_

_And then Matt played a bit he never had played before and ended the movement of his fingers on the ivory keys, leaving them there to rest. Did he just complete his composition…? But how?! When he finished playing he lifted his head and finally realized I was there. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. Actually I wanted to hug him and tell him how glad I was, but I was afraid he would still ignore me. Why keep doing it? I told him it hurts…_

_I felt my heart beating so fast and at the same time I felt pain. I felt the words stick in my throat. I felt the world stop spinning._ “Dominic…” _I heard his voice calling me. Now I was confused… Was he talking to me? If so, I’m dreaming…_ “Oh, God! Why are you crying?” _He stood up and ran towards me, a worried look in his eyes._

_Crying…? I am not crying, am I?_

“I’m sorry!” _Matt hurried to say._ “I didn’t mean to make you cry! I was confused- I’m still confused! I-I don’t…” _He spoke hastily and I couldn’t help but hug Matt, burying my face between his shoulder and neck. He was right, I was crying, I could now feel the tears streaming down my face. I heard Matt sighing when I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly, like it was the last time, like I would never see him anymore…_ “D-Dominic…” _He stuttered as he hugged me back._

_Matt hugged me back…_

_I thought he was mad at me…_

“Forgive me, Matt! I was so wrong! I forced you, I didn’t mean to make you feel annoyed or anything! But I made mistakes, I know. Please, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” _I said everything at once, laboured breathing; I wanted to let him know I was sorry. I think I have already used this word way too much…_

“It’s okay…” _He whispered, his long fingers running over my back, caressing me._ “We were both wrong.”

“Maybe…” __I felt my breathing returning to normal, but I stayed there, hugged to Matt. He didn’t complain, so I thought it was okay. We were going to talk and settle everything down. Everything was going to be alright.__

**__Matt was there._ _ **

__

_***_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The recipe that I used in this chapter is from [here](http://republicofbacon.com/2011/05/10/the-ultimate-bacon-and-eggs-recipe-bacon-cups/), I know nothing about cooking, so I had to ask Mr. Google :'D Let me know if you decide to test it.
> 
> P.S.: I promise you, the angst is almost over! :')


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Dominic was there'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like a watershed and I hope you like it!
> 
> I need to thank my beta/co-writer for this chapter, [ILurveBellDom](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ILurveBellDom/pseuds/ILurveBellDom) for being as patient as heaven and still able to bear me everytime I go eager, asking her a lot of things.

**_Darkness._**  
  
 ** _Pain._**  
  
 ** _Confusion._**  
  
 ** _Noises._**  
  
 _I didn’t remember anything and I couldn’t say what my last memory was. All I knew is that before that day it was like I never had existed. I couldn’t explain that feeling; it was horrible. The worst part was when I realized I couldn’t move, I didn’t have any control over my own body. How could that have happened?! Why?_  
  
 _I knew I was there but at the same time I felt like I wasn’t there, you know? My body was dead but my mind was alive somehow. I tried to move a finger, I couldn’t. I tried to speak, call someone for help, I couldn’t. I tried at least open my eyes, I couldn’t. I was in a limbo. But I knew there were something happening around me, I could hear people talking, stepping closer and then away from me. I could hear that all._  
  
 _Would they knew I was awake? Were they helping me?_  
  
 _I had so many questions flooding into my head at that moment and I didn’t have a single answer. It was the worst sensation ever; I couldn’t move and I felt trapped. Suddenly I felt the urge to scream, I was desperate, hopeless. **Please, someone help me!**_  
  
 _After a few moments of discomfort and despair, what felt like an eternity, someone touched my wrist, lifted it up. What was this person doing?_  
  
 _I willed my body to move! Tried to tell this someone I was alive and that I needed help! The person said something that reached my ears, but I couldn’t understand; the words were confusing, I couldn’t put them together._  
  
 _When I thought I was about to be left behind, internally weeping again, my eyes opened all of a sudden and for one moment I thought I was blind. There was a bright light above me; it was hurting my sensitive eyes, but I didn’t want to shut them. The gift of vision was too good to be lost again._  
  
 _Not too long after my body regained a few movements and senses, I saw a face. It was an old man, bald, wearing glasses and a white coat. He was observing me, like he was examining me. A Doctor…? Then my gaze slipped lower onto the scrubs he was wearing. Right, he was a Doctor, which brought me back to the problem. What was I doing at a… Hosp- hospital…? HOSPITAL?! What happened to me?!_  
  
“He’s awake!” _I heard some woman saying. They were all around me, poking, prodding, asking questions… Someone flashed something in my eyes again, the light hurt and I flinched. It was removed, thankfully, with an apology. Then the questions started in earnest._  
  
 _I didn’t exactly know what happened then, but the beeping that had been a peripheral noise grew louder and my vision darkened until it all went black._  
  
 _I passed out._  
  
 _I came to a while later, this time they were more patient. Ironic, considering the fact that I was the patient there… Questions were thrown at me again._ “Are you alright? Can you understand me?” _That old man snapped his fingers close to my face to make me pay attention in him. I looked at him._ “Sir?” _He called me and I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. By nothing, I mean no words came out. My throat felt dry and raw, like it had been stuffed with nails, sand, or something._  
  
 _My eyes began watering with the force of my coughs._ “Bring him water, Helen.” _The Doctor commanded and in a few moments, a young woman returned with a glass of water, handing it to the Doctor._ “Help him sit up, please.” _The woman obeyed and slipped her hands under my back, being as careful as possible and helping my still-sleeping body to lift up. I thought I could collapse at any moment._ “Take a sip.”  
  
 _The Doctor gave me the glass and for the very first time I could see my hands when I lifted them. They were shaking and I lost the grip when tried to grab the glass, but the woman was holding it. Noticing my state, she guided the glass to my lips. I finally could feel the water in my mouth and I gulped it frantically, as if I’ve never had before and my very life depended on this. The sensation of something cool going down my throat was really good and I suddenly found my hands grabbing the glass, this time not losing my grip as the woman released the cup._  
  
 _Drinking water was a relief. Finally I could speak._  
  
 _I tried to turn my head to the left, and even though my neck was hurting, I could move it. Thank God… I saw white walls, a chair beside the bed I was and I also saw a door. When I turned my head to the right, I whimpered because of a sharp pain in my neck, but it didn’t take too long. There were a few people in the room; they were walking around, taking notes, talking so much... too loud._  
  
 _A few more questions and I was too exhausted to do much more. I heard them talk about telling someone about my condition._  
  
 _Did that mean there was someone out there? Someone who cared?_  
  
 _Until now I'd never thought of it but was I alone? And who WAS I?_  
  
 _Just before they left, the Doctor asked me to sign some papers for them. I took the pen up and scribbled my signature before I realised what I’d just done._  
  
 _I had signed my own name… Even though I didn’t understand my handwriting, the letters were nearly illegible and I couldn’t distinguish the words. The doctor smiled and took back the pen and papers. I was shocked. I didn’t know who I was but even so I signed my name… A name that I even couldn’t comprehend._  
  
 _If they were about to tell someone about me, I could only be thankful because someone cared for me… Even if I wouldn’t be able to recognise them if my life depended on it. And that brought me to another problem, the fact that I was going to be a big disappointment. I knew as much as a new born did. About everything. How was I to- Wait, why did the term ‘new born’ sound so familiar, as if it should be something?_  
  
 _Something important…_  
  
 _Would it be related to who I was? Was I a gynaecologist or a midwife by profession?_  
  
 _I was laying there wondering what the hell was it that I did for a living when the nurse came in and told me I had visitors. Yes, visitors, plural. She asked if I wanted to see them. Desperate to feel like I wasn’t alone and people cared, I agreed immediately._  
  
“Doctor Walker thinks it’d be better if you get ready to your visits and also because you need to undergo a few tests. So, I will show you the bathroom so you can take a shower, okay?”  
  
 _She helped me get up and I felt my legs shake under my weight. She held one of my arms and put it around her shoulder, helping me to walk to the bathroom. After a few steps I started to feel my legs properly again, stepping on my own even though I kept struggling to put one foot in front of the other. She also helped me showering me, since I felt too weak and couldn’t move properly. My back was hurting like hell and I felt a bit dizzy. I would probably pass out again soon._  
  
 _When the shower was finished, the nurse gave me clean clothes and left the bathroom. I tried to dress me up but I had serious problems with the buttons of my shirt and trousers, so I called the woman again. In a few minutes, I was finally ready to see my… Friends…? Should I call them ‘friends’?_  
  
 _I returned to my bed and waited for a while, but when my visitors entered the room, I felt an overwhelming sense of… Disappointment._  
  
 _Irrational, I know._  
  
 _Something, or rather, someone was missing._  
  
 _There was a man with balding blond hair, another taller one who was brunet and had kind friendly hazel eyes and a curled haired man who had an air of humour about him. They introduced themselves as Morgan, Chris and Tom, respectively. Chris seemed to have taken the lead, unsurprising, as there was something paternal about him; something comforting and reassuring._  
  
 _But I wasn’t comforted in the slightest._  
  
 _Someone wasn’t there… Why hadn’t they come?_  
  
 _Why was I even bothered?_  
  
 _This person (if they even existed) didn’t care._  
  
 _Why did someone to whom I didn’t matter mean so much to me?_  
  
 _Lost in my thoughts I didn’t really hear much of what they said. Oh, and they were referring to me as ‘Matt’ the whole time. At some point they mentioned music and muses and something about a car accident… But I wasn’t listening. Instead of paying attention to what they were saying, what should be important, I was listening to raised voices outside my room._  
  
“I waited for almost two months to see him awake; of course I’m fucking sure!” _I didn’t know why but I smiled secretly. He was here, and he did care._ “And why am I the last one to know?! Why didn’t you tell me before?” _It was him. It could only be him._  
  
 _Once Chris, Morgan and Tom had left I felt guilty but I didn’t have long to lie there and wallow… I had just picked up a book someone had left on my bedside (1984 according to the cover) when I heard ‘his’ voice again._  
  
“I will talk to him now.” _On their own volition, my lips turned up in a smile. Finally._  
  
 _I placed the book on the bedside again and looked away from the door, taking a moment to compose myself, as he entered. That is to say I tried to compose myself, but I couldn’t. When he entered the room, I was kind of… Shaken… I don’t know. He was different from the guys who had just visited me._  
  
 _And then I heard him saying_ “Hi” _as he stepped closer my bed._  
  
 _Oh, that voice…_  
  
 _Time stood still for one moment, or a day or even a bloody week when we locked eyes. We just stared at each other as if meeting for the first time. And in a way, maybe we just were…_  
  
 _He was blond and had interesting stormy grey eyes. Even though they looked tired, as the dark circles below his eyes confirmed his exhaustion, they were beautiful and with a beautiful colour. I’d never seen eyes as beautiful in my life._  
  
 _I didn't need my memory to know they were the clearest, most striking eyes I'd ever... Well, laid eyes on._  
  
 _I could have said his was a face I knew as well as my own, except I didn’t even know how I looked._  
  
“Who are you?” _I found myself asking him. Damn it! That wasn’t the way I wanted to talk to him. Now he must be thinking I was afraid of him. I wasn’t. But somehow I felt scared of the situation we were in. I didn’t know who he was, but I felt like I knew him._  
  
 _Something about him made me feel like I could trust him with my life. And I didn't even know him._  
  
 _It’s scary, you have no idea!_  
  
“I am Dominic James Howard.” _He said._  
  
 _At least now the ‘someone’ had a name._  
  
 _He tried to tell me just what the others had- and this time I actually listened; he said I could trust Chris, Morgan and Tom, he gave me my identity and I found that my name was Matthew James Bellamy and would be 32 years old in three months. He said we had met when we were 14, in high school and that we had a band named Muse. At that time, I supposed we played at bars or something and made enough to scrape by somehow, so it was a pretty expensive hospital for me to be in... He also confirmed that I was on a car accident with him, poor guy…_  
  
 _And when he was about to tell me more, a weird woman came in. Not weird, she was quite pretty, but still, I didn’t know her. Or I thought I didn’t. She looked really worried and hugged me tightly babbling incoherently, but my eyes never left Dom’s, seeking reassurance. I must be someone important to her. When she left the room, Dom told me she used to be my… Girlfriend…_  
  
 _‘Used to be’? Did it mean we had broken up?_  
  
 _I didn’t feel like I had a girlfriend and she didn't concern me at that moment. Dominic did. I couldn’t help asking him_ “Are you my brother?” _because surely that’d explain how I felt all of a sudden._  
  
 _His face reflected absolute shock at that._  
  
 _Okay. Maybe not brother then. But why did I feel like I did? Like a major part of my life, a major part of ME was back and everything would be alright._  
  
 _Then he had smiled at me and I felt something warm in my heart. I felt **safe**._  
  
 _And that sense of safety scared me._  
  
 _Here was a man I didn’t know, walking in and making me feel… Safe…?!_  
  
 _He could’ve been an axe murderer for all I knew! Or worse! An… Alien!!! Anything._  
  
 _But no. He said he was my best friend._  
  
 _My **best friend**._  
  
 _I'm sure he's the best thing I've ever had._

  
***

  
 _Three long days have passed since Dominic met me. I underwent some more tests to make sure there was nothing wrong with me. Wait, there was something really wrong with me! Just to make sure they wouldn't find anything worse…_  
  
 _In the meanwhile, I finally could see myself. There was a mirror in the bathroom, a mirror that I hadn't noticed until then. My hair was a mess; I was brunet, had (mesmerizing) blue eyes and was extremely pale, probably because I wasn't exactly at my healthiest._  
  
 _I touched my face, feeling every patch of skin and the bones beneath it. I noticed I had interesting cheekbones (pretty sharp. I liked them) and a cleft on my chin; my nose was a little wonky, almost like a bird’s, and my lips were thin._  
  
 _Deciding to get a better look in the whole ‘me’, I realized I was skinny and short. I looked at my hands and found I had long fingers. I kept exploring my physical features for a few minutes and concluded that I was not bad at all! But I needed to check something else out before I could say that for sure. Hm, let’s just say that I smiled in satisfaction when I looked inside… My trousers._  
  
 _So, back to the main subject, on the third day I came back home along with Dominic. I got a little scared when I saw security guards surround us right before we left the hospital. I had no idea what they were going to do... Dominic sensed my worry and he told me they would help us to leave safely._  
  
 _And so I began to wonder why we need safety… Millions of thoughts went through my head and I only focused on the worst: was there someone trying to kill us?! Oh, shit! Why?! Maybe the car accident was on purpose… Maybe someone actually tried to kill both of us, Dominic and I, whilst we were on a ride?!_  
  
 _But when I realized they were protecting us from photographers, I calmed down a bit. So… It meant that I was famous, hmm? Interesting… Maybe we didn’t play only at bars… Despite the idea of being famous, I was truly terrified because of the amount of cameras and media cars outside the hospital. And, I don’t know why, but when we got in the car and began to, practically, run away from the media, I thought we were on a chase! I had to admit, it was a bit fun._  
  
 _Well, after the chase and the change of cars, we arrived at my house and I was really surprised when I entered. I looked at everywhere and wondered whether I was rich._  
  
 _Initially, when Dominic had told me that we had a band, I thought it was a garage band, but considering the amount of expensive furniture and objects inside my house (which, by the way, was pretty big), the ‘paparazzi’ and those safety guards, I could only conclude that we were at least a bit famous._  
  
 _He told me to explore my house, but I only wanted to check a specific place, the kitchen. I found something interesting there, a pack of something called ‘Pasta’, and I suddenly felt the urge to taste that even though I had no clue if I had ever liked it. Dominic looked really happy when he saw what I was holding in my hands, so I deduced that pasta must have been something important to me, or at least something I used to like._  
  
 _Dominic was extremely kind to me and cooked some spaghetti to us. That was freaking delicious! That was the day I found my love for Italian food (even though I had tasted only one dish). How could I had forgotten that wonderful food?!?! Just- HOW?! I wished I could eat that every day for the rest of my life! Spaghetti was the best!_  
  
 _While we were eating, Dominic told me another fact about my past. He looked so nostalgic talking about that… I wish I could remember what he was telling me, but I couldn’t…_  
  
 _Well, at least I could remember something in that same day; something about Dominic. I recognized his house, I mean, I recognized the place but didn’t know who lived in there. Still, I could remember that, it was a good thing! But nothing was better than when I recognized Hendrix, Dominic’s Boston terrier. I knew his name and I knew I had given him to Dominic as a gift. I didn’t know if it was a birthday gift or what. Still, I had remembered something important and I didn’t even know how! I was shocked but happy at the same time! I didn’t know what to do._  
  
 _But Dominic hugged me._  
  
 _He hugged me and I felt safe again… That was a familiar feeling. I felt so safe that I even hugged him back. I could hug him for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t even mind._  
  
 _This thought scared me a lot…_  
  
 _Was this just friendship?_  
  
 _Who was Dominic really? Only a friend?_  
  
 _Or… Something more?_

 

***

  
_I heard a few songs of our band, Muse._   
  
_Dominic told me that I was nothing less than the freaking frontman of the band! I was the lead singer, guitarist, pianist, lyricist and composer. I couldn’t believe I was the one who had created what I was listening to, that was too good to be me, playing and singing._   
  
_That was not me… That was, unfortunately, the old Matthew Bellamy…_   
  
_Dominic was telling me about our albums, about what each one of us did in the band…_   
  
_A few minutes before we get home again, he also mentioned a ‘Queue’ and someone's ‘Enemy’ winning awards. Best band in the world. And he was laughing about sexiest male. I assumed he was describing himself for some reason._   
  
_I had other concerns on my mind back then._   
  
_I’ve spoiled everything. I couldn’t do any of that anymore, I was sure of it… But Dominic just kept saying how good I was, how brilliant my compositions were, how fantastic my skills… He used all possible adjectives to describe who I used to be._   
  
_Too bad, I wasn’t that incredible man anymore._   
  
_I was Matthew James Bellamy, who'd lost his memory, who didn’t know even how to button his shirt or trousers. How could I play any instrument?_   
  
_I was a shame._   
  
_I was going to disappoint everyone around me…_   
  
_We finally arrived at my place again, but I couldn’t get that thought out of my mind. I was definitely troubled._   
  
_It was already night, I felt pretty tired and just wanted to sleep, but before that I planned to take a shower. I didn’t know what would I do without Dominic. You know, I still had that problem with the freaking buttons of my clothes! I tried my best to do that on my own, but I couldn’t and finally asked Dominic for help. At first I didn't think it was a bad idea, but on my way to his room I felt incredibly shy. That was our first day together and I was already asking him to… Eh… Unbutton my clothes… I felt awkward and with all the reasons, even though I still think that I could trust him even for a… Weird task like that._   
  
_But he did it._   
  
_I unconsciously held my breath when he began to unbutton my shirt; I could feel my heart racing when I felt his fingers brushing my chest that was being exposed. I even shivered! Why did I feel like that?_   
  
_Dominic was careful…_   
  
_Just before he finished unbuttoning my shirt I found myself staring at him, thoughtfully, musing about him. I wish I could remember everything about Dominic. He was definitely someone important to me, more than only a good friend. I could feel it…_   
  
_He cared about me… More than anyone else._   
  
_Dominic even helped me to take a shower when I couldn’t move properly because of my back! But it was different from when that nurse helped me with the same thing. He was… Different… He treated me different, I felt different, everything was ‘different’._   
  
_The way his hands were running over my back whilst massaging me… His touch, his closeness… That was too intimate for two men, but I felt like I could trust him, again. The sense of safety never left me when Dominic was around._   
  
_He was **‘home’**._   
  
_Or so I thought before what happened later that night…_   
  


***

  
_That was too good to be true, things were going extremely well between us and even the awkward moments were somehow ‘good’. Dominic made me a beverage called hot cocoa (which was incredible!) and then he sat me in front of the piano, telling me to play._   
  
_It was too much to process at once. I suddenly realized the sheer amount of people who relied on me. What if I never got my memory back? Where would they go? How would they earn? How would they live? We had such a great life, for all that I've seen till now, and they depended on me to keep living like that._   
  
_I’m not only talking about material things, I’m talking about everything! It would be like being fired or something! I was sure they could work on something else, but… Of all I heard about us, we were great together, both as friends and as a band. I didn’t want to disappoint them all and make them give this life up. Our lives were connected and each one depended on another._   
  
_I needed to get myself together. In that moment, I realized I needed to remember everything._   
  
_But I wasn’t ready yet._   
  
_I really had spoiled everything._   
  
_I couldn’t play._   
  
_And I needed Dominic to support me. Not push me._   
  
_We had both failed._   
  


***

  
 _I felt really bad on the following day. I had fought with the only person I’d trusted for real and for the very first time since I met Dominic, I didn’t feel safe. I was mad at him! I told him I couldn’t play that bloody piano and he pushed me, pushed me and pushed me until I finally burst of anger and disgust._  
  
 _The only thing I did when he tried to apologize was ignore him. I knew I was wrong in giving him a cold shoulder, but Dominic wasn’t right either. He made me a truly delicious breakfast and I didn't even thank him. I realized he was pissed off with me when he told me that he was going to get the groceries. He just wanted to stay away from me for a while._  
  
 _What I have I done?_  
  
 _The person who cared so much about me now wanted a time away from me…_  
  
 _Ironic… And sad._  
  
 _I didn’t know what to do without him when he was out. I was in my own house but I didn’t know it yet, so I decided to do what Dominic had told me to yesterday._  
  
 _I explored it._  
  
 _I found a few interesting things. In my bedroom, inside a jewel box, I found a chain with a black guitar pick as pendant. There was nothing written on it. I didn’t know why that caught my attention. I decided to wear it, hiding the pendant under the collar of my shirt. Should that be something special? Why would I keep it into a jewel box?_  
  
 _Time passed by and Dominic still hadn’t returned. I had nothing to do but think. It was only my mind and me. Was what I did right? Should I keep treating him this way? Who should apologize first, him or me?_  
  
 _I had the urge to tell him everything I was thinking at that moment. Dominic wasn’t there, but Hendrix was. The poor dog listened to me for hours as I confided all my feelings in him, how disappointed I was with myself, how angry I was with Dominic._  
  
 _I even cried, for God’s sake!_  
  
 _I was broken…_  
  
 _It wasn't long before Dominic finally came back home. I thought it would be a good opportunity to tell him how I felt, but then I acted stupid again and ended up telling him to not follow me._  
  
 _I was confused…_  
  
 _It didn’t take too long for Dominic to decide to go out again._  
  
 _Stupid me! Stupid meee!!!_  
  
 _I didn’t know what to do, again! I needed someone I could talk to. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. I was lost without him. I picked up the telephone and dialled the first number that came in my head; I didn’t even know whose was it._  
  
 _But it was Dominic’s number._  
  
 _I froze when I heard his voice. I hung up because I was a coward._  
  
 _How the hell did I call him?! I wasn’t supposed to remember any number._  
  
 _Soon he was back again. Calling my name, making it echo through the entire house._ “Matthew!” _He kept screaming until he found me in my bedroom. I had no idea how I had the guts to act cold again. What was I doing?! I’d promised myself I would finally make it up to him! Why was I being so bloody stupid again?!?!_  
  
 _He shouted at me, and I can’t blame him for it. He said that he had heard what I told Hendrix, that he was hurt, that he tried his best to make it up to me. But I wasn’t helping. I was stubborn._  
  
 _Then he went to his bedroom._  
  


***

  
 _I felt sad, hopeless. I had no one to talk to, no one to turn to for help. I had driven away the only one who cared my silliness, my childishness. I had spoiled everything again…_  
  
 _There was nothing I had left to loose and suddenly I found myself sitting on the piano bench. That bloody instrument made me fight with Dominic. That bloody instrument was one of the reasons to Dominic and I had even met. That bloody instrument was where I used to make music. That bloody instrument was where I used to be ‘me’._  
  
 _My heart was aching, my chest was burning and so was my throat. Tears blurred my vision._  
  
 _Don’t freak out right now, you idiot!_  
  
 _I wiped my eyes and placed my fingers over the ivory keys._  
  
 _Did I believe in God? You know, before the accident? But as my fingers pressed the keys, creating a harmonic melody I began to believe in some higher power._  
  
 _There had to be an explanation! I couldn’t just have started playing again all of a sudden. That would be ridiculous; I still can’t explain just what happened in that moment. The only thing I knew was that I was playing the piano again. A part of me was back._  
  
 _I just kept playing, pressing the keys. I didn’t know the song, or I couldn’t remember if I did, but I liked it. It was beautiful and touching. I finished the song but stayed in silence for a moment, appreciating the last traces of the sound echoing in the room. Then I realized Dominic was there._  
  
 _And he was crying._  
  
“Oh, God! Why are you crying?!”  
  
 _I stood up and ran towards him, and he wrapped his arms around me. I did the same, to comfort him; just the same way he usually comforted me. He started speaking fast, apologizing actually. Begging me to forgive him. There was no need, I accepted all his apologies._  
  
 _After all I owed him one too._  
  
“We were both wrong.” _I told him._  
  


***

  
_Dominic was still in my arms, his face buried in my neck, his warm breath heating my skin. It didn’t bother me. I finally felt home again._   
  
**_Dominic was there._ **   
  
_We didn’t say a word during that moment. Words were unnecessary; his presence was all that mattered. I knew he was there for me and I wanted to show him that I would always be there for him too. I didn’t want him to abandon me and I realized I didn’t want me to abandon him either. We were even, we wanted the same thing._   
  
_I was so lucky to have him in my life, I was lucky to have him as a… Friend…_   
  
_I wanted him to tell me everything about us, about our band and our friends of course, but more importantly about him and me. I felt incredibly connected to him and our friendship was something that I wanted to know better._   
  
_So much better._   
  
_I couldn’t tell for how long we stayed there, in each other's arms and listening to the sound of our breaths. Dominic could probably hear my heartbeats too. But that was not a problem. I confess that I almost felt sleepy as rested my head on Dominic’s._   
  
_We were close enough for me to smell his shampoo, cologne and that unique scent I'd come to identify as 'Dom'._   
  
_My fingers found their way into his hair, revelling in the silky softness of his blond hair._   
  
_I swear I could stay that way till the end of my days and I wouldn't mind. It just felt right. As if that was where I was meant to be. In his arms._   
  
_Then I heard him sigh and I couldn’t help smiling, a strange feeling of synchronicity invading me. I could feel his heartbeat through the thin material of his t-shirt._   
  
_After what seemed like an eternity, he moved. I felt his hand on my neck as he touched the chain I was wearing. Dominic brushed his fingers slightly over the cold metal and lifted his head._   
  
_And that was the moment when… Something happened._   
  
_I was sleepy, my head resting on his and we were extremely close. When he lifted his face, our lips met for a second before we pulled back to stare at each other._   
  
_Our lips had only brushed against each other’s for a second yet a jolt of electricity passed through me. But that wasn't what made my heart skip a beat or my breath hitch._   
  
_No. It was because in that moment it felt so familiar. The feel of his lips, the taste..._   
  
_It felt like it had happened before._   
  
_Had Dom and I kissed before? He told me we were only friends, best friends to be precise. But… I don’t know… was I supposed to ignore what just happened? Was I to ignore the sudden ‘memory’ of another kiss? I couldn’t even call that a ‘memory’, it was only a sensation that it had happened._   
  
_I had to ask him... I would soon. Not yet though. I didn't want to spoil the moment._   
  
_For now, I could only wonder why his lips felt so familiar._   
  
_That good feeling was something I hadn't even felt when the woman supposed to be my girlfriend hugged me. But now..._   
  
_I wanted to be sure whether it was a trick of the mind or something real. If I would feel it again._   
  
_Because I had a feeling that Dominic was more than a friend. There was something he wasn't telling me._   
  
_I moved forward, so I could feel his soft lips on my own again. And then I felt his arms wrap around my waist._   
  


***


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Matthew to take some time to clear his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened. 
> 
> Update yay! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> During flashbacks, conversations are italic and narration is regular.

_“You’re my best friend, Dom. And... You’re visibly suffering. You’re only 15 and you still have a long life to live. Don’t let that damn girl break your heart…”_

_“She already did…”_

_“Oh, man...”_ Matthew hurried to hug me when he realized I was about to break down. _“Don’t cry, please. I can’t bear you crying. I hate when you cry...”_ He said. Actually, he whispered while stroking my back.

_“I’m not crying. I’m not!”_ My voice was shaking and muffled by Matt’s shirt as I buried my face in his shoulder, struggling not to cry.

Too late. I could feel my face warming as the tears began to stream down. I was pathetic… Crying over a girl? A stupid girl?!

_“It’s okay. I mean, I think everyone has to go through a heartbreak, sooner or later.”_ I could hear him chuckling, trying to comfort me and still smoothing my back.

_“Have you ever had one?”_

_“Yeah… Several times.”_

I looked up at him and found a shy smile on his face. _“How could you survive then?”_

_“Girls are not everything and I have amazing friends who always help me to survive.”_ Grinning, Matt wiped my tears away. _“Anyway, we’re young! We’ll meet so many people in our lives. We can’t be stuck only in the present. Think big, Dom.”_ He winked and I finally could manage to smile at him.

_“Hm, maybe you’re right. I appreciate your words, but… I think I’ll still keep feeling like shit for a while…”_

_“I see. Well, you would be happy to know that there’s someone who loves you!”_

_“What?! Who?!”_

_“Me!”_ And I didn’t even have time to process his words. I just felt Matt’s hands cupping my face and pulling me forward, brushing his lips against mine for barely a second. Giggling, he moved away, his cheeks slightly flushed.

_“W-what the fuck, Matt?!”_ I asked, both shocked and amused. Despite the kiss (actually, the peck), I didn’t have feelings for him at that time, so it felt so innocent, at the most a prank. I wasn’t mad at him, just a bit confused and surprised.

_“Oh dear, Dominic!”_ He held my hands and kissed them. _“You’re so sweet! Your hair is pure gold and your eyes are so enigmatic! Oh, I wish I could taste the cherry flavour of your lips! Wait, I just did!”_ We laughed. _“Please, darling, be my girlfriend!”_

_“Your what?! Girlfriend?! Matt, you idiot! I’m not even a girl!”_ I pushed him away playfully.

_“Aren’t you?! Oh, shit! I just kissed a guy!”_ He burst out laughing. What the hell was he thinking?! In all the time that I'd known him, I already had known that Matt was quite an... Odd person. But there were times when I had no idea what was going on his mind. _“Sorry, dude.”_ He said catching his breath. _“You’re not mad at me, are you? I was just kidding!”_

_“Don’t worry, I got it.”_ I smiled. _“Thank you.”_

_“Thank you for what? The kiss?!”_ He arched his eyebrows, looking at me with worry. _“Dom, you’re scaring me.”_

_“Not for the kiss! Eww, no!!!”_ I grimaced and, instinctively, wiped my mouth with my sleeve, which made Matt laugh a bit more. _“You’re insane!”_ I tried to reproach him, but I couldn’t help smiling. _“And I was referring to what you told me. I mean, you’re a good friend, Matt. You always try to cheer me up.”_ I said, being as honest as possible.

_“Dom…”_ He put on a serious face and for one moment, I thought I had just said something wrong. _“I’d like to hug you now, but I think we've already had enough of not very manly physical contact for today. I think a hand shake is the right thing to do.”_ I stared at him in confusion, but held up my hand anyway. Matt grabbed it, pulled me into a bear hug and suddenly it became hard to breathe. _“Kidding again!”_

_“Jesus, Matt! You’ll be the death of me!”_ I laughed.

_“I’m not even sorry.”_ He let go of me and grabbed his school bag, which was on the floor. _“But seriously, I’ve gotta go now. Mum will be home soon and if she doesn't see me there...”_ He sighed.

_“Yeah, it’s okay. I understand. Thanks for coming anyway.”_ I said leading him to the front door of my house. _“My parents will be here soon and they don’t like when I don’t tell them I’m bringing someone home after school.”_

_“These parents…”_ Matthew shook his head, smiling. _“Talk to you tomorrow?”_

_“Sure!”_ I opened the door.

_“Okay. Bye, Dom.”_ Matt waved. _“Love you, in a straight way, of course.”_

_“I’m afraid to say the same, but… Yeah, love you too. In the straightest way…”_ We chuckled and he left not long after.

 

***

 

_Years ago._

_It was years ago when it happened for the very first time._

_And now I’m here, recalling that old memory… Something that happened long before I developed feelings for Matthew. That was a chaste, childish kiss, and now here we are again. But now I do have strong feelings for him; this time it wasn't a joke or a challenge, as it used to be when we were younger, in our more foolish moments. It was… Different somehow._

_It was enough to make me feel like a teenager again._

_You know, in high school, when you have a crush on someone and you are lucky enough to steal a kiss from this person. It may sound a bit childish and stupid. Indeed, it is. But it’s also something new and that throws us into a state of bliss. Just the racing of our heart at that moment, the anxiety, the insecurity… That’s me right now._

_I felt Matt’s hands running over my shirt, tugging it as if he was looking desperately for support. And I cursed myself when Matt pulled away immediately after I tried to lick his bottom lip, in an attempt to make him part his lips for me._

“I-I need to see my girlfriend.” _It was the only thing he said before turning his gaze to the floor and burying his hands in his pockets._

_Damn it! I had spoiled everything… AGAIN! Wasn’t it enough we had already fought over the piano?! Now I was too eager and couldn’t stop myself. This was too much for him. I won’t blame him if he decides to hate me; I’d hate myself too._

_At the same time I felt extremely hurt, disappointed. Why did Matt decide to see Gaia right now?! I mean, now that this happened, he won’t trust me anymore and will prefer to be with his… ‘Girlfriend’…_

_Gaia didn’t watch over Matt every day._

_Gaia wasn’t there at the hospital every day._

_Gaia didn’t move a finger to help Matt to get home._

_Gaia wasn’t taking care of Matt at the moment._

_Okay, don’t freak out, Dom. Matt wants to see his girl. What’s the problem on it? Actually, what exactly makes me think I have the right to prevent him for seeing her? What the hell, Dominic?! You don’t own Matt, you can't control him! If he wants to see Gaia, alright, he will._

_I’m so selfish. So hopeless…_

“Sure…” _I finally managed to say._ “Let’s go.” _I said. My voice was emotionless. I didn’t dare look at Matt; I knew he was still frightened. I grabbed my car keys and we left the house._

 

***

 

_Her house was pretty similar to mine. Big and beautiful._

_When we got there, Dominic mumbled something like_ “Call me if you need anything.” _But I couldn’t be sure since I was still processing everything that just happened. We hadn't exchanged a single word during the ride and an uncomfortable silence hung between us._

_What had just happened was… New. I hadn't expected myself to act like that and his reaction had been even more surprising. My brain was a mess, I had no idea what was right and what was not; whether I should keep trusting him or not. He had already done so much for me; it’d be unfair if I stopped trusting him anymore. But he had also hidden something from me… Well, I felt he had hidden something._

_Was he afraid of telling me about it? I mean, how and why it hadn't felt like it was the first time it had happened…_

_I didn't know what to believe anymore… I couldn’t trust myself since I didn't have any reliable memories. Actually, I had almost no memories._

_I jumped out of the car and hesitated a moment before looking back at Dominic and nodding at him. I began to walk towards the front door and rang the doorbell. I could still hear the car's engine humming behind me, so I assumed Dominic was waiting for me to get into my girlfriend’s house._

_My girlfriend… What’s her name again? Tania? Laila? Taila? Ga-something? Damn it! I couldn’t remember..._

_I waited a few seconds and, just when I was about to press the doorbell again, I heard footsteps. The door was opened and I found a beautiful woman in front of me. It was the same girl at the hospital. She had a nice hair, brunette like mine, it was long and straight. Her face was pretty, she had really delicate features. Her eyes were brown, but beautiful, and they were shining in recognition when she looked at me._

_I’d be lying if I said I didn’t lose myself into her bright smile. A sweet smile on her sweet face…_

“Matt!” _She whispered and hugged me. That was when I realized the hum of Dom's car engine had stopped. I was still processing that when she grabbed my hand and led me into her house. Before she closed the door, I quickly glanced over my shoulder._

_Dominic had left._

“How are you feeling? Do you want something to drink or to eat? What brought you here?” _She asked cheerfully, squeezing my hand and walking towards the couch in the living room. I looked around, trying to remember something, but my mind was blank as a sheet as far as her place was concerned._

_What a surprise…_

“I’m fine, thanks. I don’t think I want to eat or drink... And Dominic brought me here. I wanted to see you.” _Hadn’t she seen the car outside?_

_She chuckled as we sat on the couch._ “I missed you so much…” _She stared at me for a few moments, her eyes sparkling. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same about her. I had no idea whether I missed her or not._ “Do you… Remember me?” _She asked a while later, noticing how I was still a little out of it._

“Umm, I’m sorry, no…” _Suddenly her happy expression turned into a disappointed one, even though she tried to hide it._ “But Dominic told me you are my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I am.” _She smiled._ “I’m Gaia Polloni.”

“Gaia…” _I repeated her name, thoughtfully._ “It’s a beautiful name.”

“Thank you.”

“Eh, would you mind to answer me a few questions?” _I decided to ask._

“Of course not! I’m here to help you with everything!”

“Please… Could you tell me something... About me?” _I wasn’t expecting to sound like I was begging, but the way she looked at me… There was pity in her eyes. She furrowed her brows, biting her bottom lip whilst tightening the grip in my hand._

“Sure.” _Gaia cleared her throat._ “What would you like to know?”

“Everything.” _I smiled. I knew she couldn’t give me every answer, but she could help me somehow._

“Let me see…”

_And then she started. Gaia told me about the first time we met and how it was. It happened at the end of 2000, in an airplane._

_Apparently, I had thrown a shoe at her head. Yeah, according to her, I was sitting with Dominic a few rows behind hers in the airplane, and for some unknown reason (at least unknown to her); she was knocked by one of my shoes at her head. Then she said something about suing and lawyers. We didn’t meet for a few weeks, till Christmas Eve._

_We met again at a bar. I was with Dominic (again) and Gaia was with a friend of hers. She was drowning her sorrows because she had just caught her fiancé with another woman. Apparently I had helped her somehow, comforting her, while Dominic was hanging out with her friend. She said we kissed for the first time that night, but we couldn’t spend more time together because her friend had puked on Dominic, or something else equally disgusting._

_Then we started to date a few weeks after Christmas._

_Gaia told me a lot of other details of about our relationship, sad moments and funny ones, and the atmosphere eased somewhat. Everything sounded pretty true so I believed her. Although I could ask Dominic, just to confirm her story._

_We didn’t even notice the time fly by; but when I glanced out through the window it was already pretty dark outside._ “Too sad you can’t remember any of these things…” _She sighed and I noticed one of her hands move to my hair, stroking it softly. I couldn’t say why, but I felt like I had shied away at her touch. But maybe it was all in my mind…_

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“Do you want to know anything else? It’s almost midnight, but we can keep chatting as long as you wish. I miss you too much, Matthew…” _Gaia shifted on her seat and moved closer to me, her thigh brushing against mine._

“Could you tell me more about my friends?”

“It’d better you ask them, but I can summarize a few things.” _She winked, beaming at me._ “There’s Christopher, the youngest one. I think you’ve already met, am I right?” _I nodded._ “He plays with you guys; he’s the bassist and back up vocalist.”

“Dominic told me.” _I smiled as I recalled that memory of us chatting in the car. Of course, before things went down with all that pressure he unintentionally put on me… I shook my head trying to get rid of that bad memory._

“Hm, I see.” _Gaia said, nonchalantly, sounding a bit bored. I wondered why._ “So, Chris is a nice guy, a really good friend. You've known him for years, since you were teenagers. He has a family, a wife called Kelly, she’s a great person too, and four children. Alfie, Ava, Frankie and Ernie. You’re Alfie’s and Ernie’s godfather.”

“I’m what?”

“Godfather. Kelly is Catholic and had her children baptized, so-”

“Baptized?” _I interrupted, confused._

“Yeah… It’s some kind of blessing, I guess. I’m not the right person to answer that.” _She smiled in embarrassment._ “So, they chose you as their sons’ godfather, someone who will watch over them if anything bad happen to their parents.”

“This is so confusing, and why would they want me to watch over their kids?”

“Because they trust you?” _Gaia arched a brow and looked at me, as if what she just said was the most obvious thing in the world._ “You’re one of his best mates.”

“I think I’ll take some time to get used to social customs and protocols again.” _I stated, honestly._

“I’m afraid you never did get used to them...” _She held both of my hands in hers._ “As I was saying, there’s Tom too. He’s the media manager of your band and you've known him as long as Dom and Chris. Tom can be a little prankster, quite a tricky bastard sometimes, but he’s a good friend too. Well, that’s what you used to say.” _She chuckled._ “And then pretty recently you guys met Morgan. I can’t tell you much about him... You and I have not spent enough time together lately, so he’s more or less a stranger for me. All I can say it’s that he doesn’t seem like a bad person.” _She shrugged._

“What about Dominic?” _I asked curiously and Gaia's eyes widened before her face darkened. I wondered what was wrong with her…_

“He is… Your friend too.” _Was all she said. Only that. She then stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. I followed her, disturbed by her sudden coldness at the mere mention of Dominic._

“Gaia?”

“Yeah?” _She was holding a glass of water._

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” _Sipping the water, she shrugged._

“Will you tell me more about Dominic?”

“Why should I? You already spent a good time with him. Was he sassy enough not to tell you about himself?” _She said in one shot, not mincing words and not caring much about it either. I frowned and crossed my arms. What had happened to her?_

“What’s wrong with you? You avoid conversation whenever I talk about Dominic.”

“I don’t.”

“So what are you doing right now?”

“I just… I don’t have anything to tell you about him.”

“Why not? I’m sure you have.”

“I have, but… Listen, Matthew.” _She rubbed her brow and pinched the bridge of her nose._ “The truth is…” _She placed the already empty glass over the table._ “We never got along. It’s not a secret to anyone and you had already known it before you… Lost your memory.”

“Why not? Did you do something to him?”

“Why don’t you consider the opposite?”

“What did he do?”

“Nothing. No one did anything to anyone. It’s just that… I don’t know. I can’t stand him, and I’m pretty sure he can’t stand me either.”

“I see…”

“He’s too selfish; he always wants all the attention to him alone. He tricks everyone with his friendly smiles, but he can’t fool me. No, he can’t.” _Gaia hissed and I found myself gaping at her._

“Are you listening what you’re saying?”

“Uh?”

“How do you dare to say such things about Dominic? He’s not selfish! He is a really kind person, someone who's taken care of me so far, treated me well.” _Okay, we may have argued before… But it wasn’t just his fault…_ “I don’t think you know Dominic. You’d not say so if you did.”

“Neither do you, Matt… You know him for barely a few days.”

“It doesn’t matter. I have a good feeling whenever I’m with him. It can’t be something bad, can it? You certainly don’t know him as much as I do- As much as I used to do. You can’t say those things about Dominic.”

“Matthew...” _It was the only thing she managed to say after a few moments of awkward silence. Gaia tried to say something else, but she gave up._ “I’m sorry.” _She shook her head and walked closer to me._

_I stepped back._

“I’m apologizing…”

“You should apologize to Dominic.”

“Can we… Let’s just forget it, please… Why don’t we go to sleep? I’m sure our minds will be clearer in morning.” _She suggested, smoothing up one of my arms._

_Maybe I had overreacted… But I couldn’t just listen to her saying those things about my best friend. Still I thought it would be better if I accepted her suggestion so I followed her upstairs._

 

***

 

_I had a dream. It was probably influenced by the happenings of the previous day because it was about Gaia, Dominic and me. At one moment, I was at some bar and Gaia was crying, hopeless. Everything was pretty blurry as I stepped closer to her. I sat next to the crying woman and patted her head, my fingers carefully running through her hair. She looked up at me and I saw hurt into her brown eyes._

_At another moment, I was with Dominic at some place where I could see Christmas decoration on the walls; colourful tiny lamps and balls, wreathes, red and green stockings. We were laughing, making jokes, sitting on a couch against the wall and drinking some booze._

_I couldn’t say how we got there, but the next thing I saw was the two of us tickling each other on the couch. I was straddling Dominic and he was trying to push my hands off him, preventing me to keep tickling; it didn’t take too long until he finally grab both of my hands. He was already feeling victorious, thinking he had stopped me, when I suddenly ducked my head and pressed our lips together._

_It was pretty quick and when I moved away I found Dominic staring at me, confused at first, but he soon hurried up to pull me off of him, wiping his mouth as I lost myself laughing hard on the couch. I’m pretty sure he shouted something like_ “What the fuck are you doing?!” _So I sat up and, trying to catch my breath, I pointed at the wall near us. When he caught sight of what I was trying to show him, he couldn’t help smiling like a fool._

_It was not the first time we were under a mistletoe._

 

***

 

_I woke up feeling a bit dizzy. Yawning, I stretched on the soft mattress and rubbed my eyes to get used to the luminosity in the room. Hearing something rubbing against the cool sheets, I looked at my side._

_There was Gaia._

_She was lying on her side, propping on an elbow and staring at me, her gaze sweet over me, looking like I was being admired. She had a lovely smile on her face and her hair was slightly mussed, just the usual from someone who just woke up._

_After our little argument last night, she led me to her bedroom. At first, I was a bit hesitant when I realized she was going to sleep with me, as I laid on the bed and she followed me. We just had a fight and she was with me, here, in the same bed… I knew she is my girlfriend and yes, I also know most of the couples do that, but… I just didn’t feel comfortable with her around. It was like I didn’t know her. Okay, I’d forgotten about her as I’d forgotten about every single detail of my life. But how could I explain this weird feeling I had for Dominic, for instance, since the first time I saw him at the hospital, and on the other hand I felt absolutely nothing special towards the woman supposed to be my girlfriend?_

_What is a girlfriend? She was supposed to be the one who I chose to protect, to make her smile and happy by my side, to learn and to teach, to give and receive; wasn’t she? And we should share feelings…_

_So why I didn’t have feelings for her?_

_At the most, I could say I found her beautiful, but that was all. Nothing more. Well, at least I could try. Right? Maybe it’s just me who still adjusting to my life again. Yeah, it makes sense. That must be it._

_As I was saying, we ended up sharing the same bed._

_To be honest, I’d prefer be at Dominic’s- Wait, that was my own house, not Dominic’s. Okay, I’d be more comfortable if I was home last night, but since it was already late of the night, I was sure Dominic was sleeping. I didn’t want to annoy him and risk being inconvenient. So I had to spend the night at Gaia’s._

_She had apologized a few more times before finally falling asleep. I don’t want to sound rude, but… I thanked some powerful being when she did. I was tired and had a huge headache._

“Morning.” _Gaia disturbed my thoughts, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek._ “Did you sleep well?” _She asked, stroking my arm and acting like nothing had happened last night._

“I think so.”

“Did you have a dream?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Tell me about it?”

“Eh…” _Why was she all interested in what I dreamt so out of the blue?_ “I-I don’t think I should…” _I expected a confusing look from her, but all she did was place her head on my shoulder and giggle._

“I missed you so much.” _She led a hand to my chest, caressing it over my clothes._ “Why are you wearing these?”

“These what?”

“These sweatshirt and trousers.” _Gaia chuckled._

“Because… They cover my body…? And because I’m quite sure people are not supposed to see each other naked and walking down the streets? I may have lost my memory but I know why people wear clothes.”

“You silly boy!” _She patted my chest and lifted her head, enough to face me._ “Do you still have problems with buttons and stuff?”

“Maybe…” _I replied, shyly because I was a natural disaster. By the way, how did she know about that?_

“Aw…” _Gaia smiled and pecked me. I stirred, as a reaction to what she just did. I looked surprised at her, but I didn’t think she noticed my state of confusion._ “You have no idea how long I waited to be with you again…” _She spoke with a silky voice whilst rubbing her thumb on my cheek. I felt her lips again._ “Miss you so…” _Whispering she resumed kissing my lips._

_I couldn’t move._

_I was... Confused and didn’t know what to do._

_She was different from Dominic._

_She was warm, had soft lips, a soft skin. Her scent was sweet and delicate._

_But somehow I felt more comfortable with Dominic._

_Gaia wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed our bodies together, sliding one of her legs between mine. My hands found her shoulders and when I was about to pull her away, she did what Dominic had tried before._

_I felt she slipping her tongue into my mouth and a new rush of sensations overtook me. That was new to me. Would I have felt it if I’d let Dominic do it?_

_It was good…_

_I loosened the grip on her shoulders as she moved her tongue, reaching every corner of my mouth. Suddenly, I found myself moaning and receptive to what she was doing. She led the kiss in a very slow and careful way, probably trying her best to make me enjoy that contact._

_She did really well because I was really enjoying it. I even tried to move my tongue like she was doing with hers, but I was doing something awkward and I felt Gaia smiling against my lips as she let a chuckle scape. She moved away just enough to look at me. Grinning, she used her thumb to wipe away some moisture from one of the corners of my mouth._

_I couldn’t say why, but I smiled back at her and her eyes brightened up immediately, shining in a way I’d never had seen before. Cupping my face eagerly, she pulled me into a very passionate kiss; deeper and more intense than the last one._

_Rolling over me, Gaia squeezed her body against mine, and made me whimper a bit when I felt her leg pressing against a certain lower part of my body. She gasped at the same time and lifted her head, looking surprised somehow. I couldn’t help staring at her bosoms when she decided to sat up, straddling me, whilst the intriguing pressure in my lower parts just increased even more. Gaia’s face had blushed heavily._

_Noticing my curious stare on her chest, she grabbed my hand and led it to one of her breasts, making me to cup it. I lifted both of my eyebrows in surprise when she let out a low moan, and so I realized the gravity of that situation._

_What the hell was I doing?!_

_That didn’t feel right…_

_And when I least expected, I felt her fidgety fingers playing with the waistband of my trousers, sliding one by one into the cloth as she tried to pull it down._

_Okay._

_Now…_

_WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING?!_

_THAT ABSOLUTELY WASN’T RIGHT!_

_I immediately pushed Gaia aside and ran to the bathroom, locking the door._

_Now I was safe. I took a deep, deep breath and tried to relax as I leaned against the door._ “Matthew?!” _I heard her shouting from the bedroom. I chilled._ “Matt?!”

“Call Dominic, please!” _It was the only thing I could manage to say at that moment. I didn’t feel like I wanted to spend more time with Gaia and everything was being too weird with her. I mean, okay, I was enjoying at first, but then it became… Awful… I wasn’t feeling as comfortable as before…_

_Maybe I was just ill, considering the bulge in my trousers when I looked down. I was pretty sure it was not like that a few moments earlier._

_Yeah, something was definitely wrong with me._

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you can kill me now. But if you do, I won't be able to make it up to you next chapter :P


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew learns more about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse nor any movie mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and it never happened. No offence intended.
> 
> U-P-D-A-T-E! I'm sorry for the delay, but RL happens '-' This part has 5643 words :) (WTF ME?!) I realized a few readers were disappointed with the lack of Belldom in the last chapter, so I apologize and I'll make it up to you with this fluffy and funny part! I hope you enjoy it! <3
> 
> During flashbacks, conversations are italic and narration is regular.
> 
> Forgive me for the lame summaries. I suck lol

_“Spin the bottle, Matthew!”_ Jenny commanded for the third time. Her voice was high pitched and annoying, something that usually would hurt someone else’s ears. Judging by the look on Matt’s face, Jenny’s voice certainly was annoying him. He wrinkled his nose, squeezed his eyes and was probably about to lift his hands to cover his ears – though that would have been extremely rude coming from him.  
  
Or maybe not. Everyone hated the poor girl’s voice.  
  
 _“Okay, I will!”_ Matt sighed and took a deep breath before spinning the bottle. Everyone watched the empty soda bottle curiously until it gradually slowed to a stop.  
  
 _“Oh, shit!”_ I heard someone close to me swearing just before laughter filled the room. Matt and I exchanged worried glances.  
  
Fuck!  
  
It was his damn fault! He was the one who insisted we join Jenny’s friends at her house! He called me and told me Sarah would be there too, that was why he wanted to join that juvenile game! He had spent the two months babbling about that boring girl, gushing about how incredibly interested he was in her.  
  
I told him 17-year-old boys weren't supposed to play those silly games anymore, but I finally relented since he was feeling too shy to do it all by himself. Matt told me he would feel much more confident if he was with me. Damn it. What don’t we do for our friends?!  
  
He came to Jenny’s sure that he would kiss Sarah that night.  
  
It was the first round when she kissed some guy from the football team and I noticed Matt glaring furiously at him. Now it was his turn and, bloody hell! Why had we chosen to sit opposite to each other?! When that fucking bottle stopped it was pointing right at me.  
  
Everyone in the room was laughing at us. What a shame. I was sure Matt was really uncomfortable because he was going to have to kiss his best mate in front of all those people and especially in front of the girl he had a crush on.  
  
 _“Guys, you have ten seconds to at least peck otherwise you will have to French kiss!”_ Jenny pointed out, my eyes widened, so did Matt’s.  
  
Suddenly a wave of _‘kiss, kiss, kiss’_ was echoing through the room. I gulped and, as I glanced at Matt, I could've bet he was sweating. But then he nodded and waited for my ‘approval’. I couldn’t believe he was really going to do it! Wasn’t he even sparing a thought of what Sarah would think of him?  
  
Well, we had kissed once… A few years ago, but — It was just an innocent peck, nothing more. But… Those ten seconds had already run out and now we were supposed to share a French kiss.  
  
Once again, I swallowed heavily and finally nodded, feeling my face burning. _“Too late!”_ Jenny said. _“Now you have to get into the closet!”_  
  
 _“What?!”_ I asked confused.  
  
 _“Are you deaf, moron? You two had to have pecked in ten seconds. You didn’t, so it'll have to be a French kiss now. Oh, look! One minute has already passed and you still haven't kissed! It’s time to go to the closet. Seven minutes in heaven!”_ Jenny announced with a giggle and the rest of the fools followed suit.  
  
 _“What the fuck is going on?!”_ I heard Matt ask in worried voice and when I looked at him, two guys from the basketball team had already lifted him up and were carrying him to the closet.  
  
 _“Oi- What?!”_ I felt strong arms pulling me up to stand and pushing me to walk towards Matt. _“This is not fucking funny!”_ I tried to protest, but soon I found myself inside the dark closet and I heard that usual noise when someone locks a door. _“Oh, you've got to fucking be kidding me!”_ I banged on the door, extremely infuriated.  
  
 _“I can’t believe those fucking cunts just locked us in here!”_ Matt’s voice was as furious as mine as he found the power switch, turning the lights on.  
  
 _“It’s all your bloody fault!”_ I shouted at him, poking my finger against his chest repeatedly.  
  
 _“What?!”_  
  
 _“You brought us here!”_ Looking into his piercing and intrigued blue eyes, I held his shoulders and marched him backwards, causing a thud as his back crashed against the wall, then I heard a few _‘yaaay!’_ from outside. What the hell were they thinking we’re doing?!  
  
 _“Yes, I did!”_ Matt widened his eyes and quirked his eyebrows, holding my hands and trying to pull me away. _“But only because I was planning to kiss Sarah!”_  
  
 _“Do I look like Sarah?!”_ I growled, impatiently, and let go of him. I ran a hand through my hair and sat in one of the corners of the closet. _“You just fucked my reputation up, Matthew!”_  
  
 _“I what?! Look, it’s my reputation that is in danger here! Do you think Sarah will want to go out with me after tonight? I don’t think so! All my chances with her are ruined.”_ He hissed and sat on the opposite side of the closet, burying his face in his hands.  
  
 _“O-oi…”_ I softened my voice, trying to sound friendlier. _“Hey, Matt…”_ He didn’t reply, so I crawled towards him, placing me in front of him. _“I didn’t mean to be rude, please don’t cry!”_ I touched his hands and carefully pulled them away.  
  
 _“I’m not crying. That'd be silly.”_ Matt smiled softly and he wasn’t lying; he wasn’t crying, just frowning, upset. _“I’m sorry…”_ He sighed.  
  
 _“Don’t.”_ I shook my head and placed my hands on my lap. Then someone knocked eagerly on the door, Matt and I looking at it immediately.  
  
 _“Three minutes! You’d better hurry up to get dressed! We won’t let you get out if you haven’t done anything!”_ A male and foolish voice called out from outside.  
  
 _“Fuck off, you mother fucker.”_ Matt mumbled and I couldn’t help looking up at him and chuckling. _“Damn it, I’m so angry right now!”_ We kept silent for a few seconds and he finally said something. _“Dom…”_  
  
 _“Yeah?”_  
  
 _“Hm, we've already done it once, remember?”_ He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding looking into my eyes.  
  
 _“I do…”_  
  
 _“Look, I just want to end this damn game.”_ Matt glanced at me, his face slightly flushed.  
  
 _“So do I…”_ I felt my own face growing redder.  
  
 _“Do you?”_  
  
I nodded and suddenly my gaze was locked on the floor.  
  
Were we really going to do that…?  
  
 _“H-how… Will it be?”_ He curiously asked.  
  
 _“As quick as possible, please.”_  
  
 _“Yeah, I don’t want to hang around with your germs.”_ He managed to joke during that awkward situation.  
  
 _“Neither do I.”_ I chuckled, but my smile soon faded away. I leaned against the wall, bringing my knees up and closer to my body, embracing my legs and closing my eyes. _“Hurry up.”_ I said after a few seconds and Matt had not moved.  
  
I heard his trousers sliding on the floor; he was crawling in my direction. Then both of his hands were on my shoulders and suddenly the air I was breathing in became hot and minty.  
  
Not long after, I felt thin lips brushing against mine. And he surely took my word seriously when I said I wanted it to be as quick as possible, as I felt his tongue nudging my mouth. I gently opened mine and soon his tongue had already slipped inside and was playfully touching mine. I could taste mint drops he had been sucking on earlier.  
  
My whole body was limp at that moment and our breaths came out faster.  
  
A jolt of electricity ran thought my spine just before we heard the door being unlocked. We parted immediately, standing up so fast it made my head spin.  
  
 _“Oh, look at them! All blushing like two little girls!”_ One of the guys who had taken us into the closet made fun of us. _“What were you doing, hmm?”_ We heard laughter as we finally left the closet.  
  
Suddenly I was all angry again. I didn’t think twice when I saw all their dumb faces making fun with that situation; I stormed towards the exit, a few confused mumbles following me. _“I’m done.”_ I said through gritted teeth.  
  
Once I was out of Jenny’s house, I took a deep breath and looked over my shoulder when I heard someone's footsteps behind me.  
  
 _“I’m going with you.”_ Matt said.  
  
 _“What about Sarah?”_  
  
 _“What can I do? She already must think I’m gay and shit.”_ He wrinkled his nose. _“It wasn’t going to go anywhere after all.”_ We started to walk back home.  
  
 _“How could you know?”_  
  
 _“I just do.”_ He shrugged. _“How… Do you feel?”_ He dared to ask, his sparkling blue eyes staring at me in anticipation.  
  
 _“I-I-I feel… Violated.”_  
  
 _“What?!”_ Matt burst out laughing, stopping in his tracks and looking at me as if I was some sort of a lunatic. _“Violated?! Really?!”_  
  
 _“I’m sorry if I don’t enjoy being kissed by guys!”_ I rolled my eyes. I hadn't enjoyed the kiss… had I?  
  
 _“Oh, no! Does it mean that I’m a bad kisser?”_ He pouted and resumed his walking.  
  
 _“You act as an idiot sometimes.”_ I chuckled.  
  
 _“Are you mad at me?”_  
  
 _“Not at all…”_  
  
 _“Friends?”_  
  
 _“Only friends, please.”_ We laughed and exchanged friendly glances.  
  
Later that night, as I recalled the events of the day, I realised we hadn’t had to kiss… How could they have known…? Matt and I were locked together; there was no way the others could spy on us, so why didn’t we think of that before?  
  
Well, it didn’t matter anymore…

 

  
***

 

  
 _A goofy smile was plastered on my face as I hung up the call and put my iPhone back in my pocket. Gaia had just called me, saying that Matthew wanted to go back home. If he wanted to go back, it could only mean that we were fine! Maybe he had cleared his mind and thought that what happened wasn’t a big deal._  
  
 _Thank god I had decided to take Hendrix to a walk in a park nearby Gaia’s at that exactly moment._  
  
 _I quickly put him in my arms and hurried up to get to the car. I got to her house in ten minutes, but only because I stopped in the drive-thru to order two big strawberry milkshakes. Yes, I was so eager to see Matt again that I was acting weird. Okay, maybe he would like strawberry milkshake again! Or maybe he wouldn’t…_  
  
 _Whatever, I finally managed to get to Gaia’s. I pressed the horn twice and not so long after, the front door was finally opened. I grinned, probably looking like a fool, when I saw Matt’s fragile frame stepping out of the house. He was still wearing the same clothes from the day before. Sweatpants and shirt. I bet he used them because he still had troubles with buttons and he didn’t want to ask me for help since he was pissed with me._  
  
 _I swear I could see his face lightening up when his blue eyes caught sight of mine. That just made me grin even larger, if that was possible._  
  
 _When Matt was about to walk towards the car, Gaia pulled one of his arm and cupped his face, giving him a long goodbye kiss._  
  
 _And then my smile had just faded away._  
  
 _I avoided looking directly at them as I realized Matthew was probably enjoying that, since he didn’t complain or anything. My gaze was locked on the steering wheel where my hands were placed. I heard Hendrix barking from the back seat when Matt opened the car door, shutting it right after._  
  
 _A silent sigh came from him and he put on the safety belt._ “Hi.” _Matt said and I glanced at him before starting the car again._  
  
“Hey, buddy.” _I forced a smile; after all, it wasn’t Matt’s fault… It was just me being stupid and selfish. And maybe jealous…_  
  
“Hey, you too!” _He spoke to Hendrix, who stopped barking and made some noises typical of a dog that wants to be petted._  
  
“I have something new for you.” _I handed him his milkshake and began to drive._  
  
“What is it?” _His tone was full of curiosity._  
  
“Take a sip. Tell me if you like it or not.”  
  
“Okay…” _I mentally counted three seconds._ “Oh my dear sweet Jesus! What is it?!” _I heard him sucking hard on the straw, just like an eager child. I couldn’t help chuckling._  
  
“This, my friend, is called milkshake. Actually, a strawberry one.”  
  
“You certainly need to show me all the edible stuff in the world!”  
  
“You bet I will!” _I laughed. Okay, the atmosphere was cool. I could handle it._ “So, tell me how the night at Gaia’s was.”  
  
“Oh…” _Matt kept silent for almost a minute and I was about to ask if everything was alright when he started to talk._ “She is… Nice.” _His tone wasn’t too satisfied…_  
  
“Hm. Did she treat you well? What did you do?”  
  
“Well, at first she was telling me a few facts about us.”  
  
“Us…?”  
  
“Yeah, Gaia and I.”  
  
“Oh! I see. And…?”  
  
“She told me where we had met, how it was… And then she gave me a summary about Tom, Chris, Kelly and Morgan.”  
  
“Nothing about me?”  
  
“No…” _Hm, I must say I wasn’t surprised. She hated me and that was obvious. I also didn’t have any good feelings towards her as well, so I didn’t mind at all._  
  
“Then you went to sleep?” _I asked when I noticed the traffic light went red._  
  
“Hm… Okay, she said a few things about you…” _Oh! Did she…?_ “But I couldn’t believe her.”  
  
“What do you mean? What did she told you?”  
  
“Gaia said you… Never mind, it was just a silly thing for her to say. That wasn’t even true. I know it wasn’t.”  
  
“Matt, you’ll just make me more curious by hiding it from me!” _I turned to face him and found a worried Matthew sitting beside me._  
  
“S-she… She said you were a very selfish person.” _He leaded the straw to his lips and resumed sipping his beverage._  
  
“Seriously?!” _He nodded and I scoffed._ “Great.” _That fucking bitch!! How could she?!_  
  
“But, hm, you’re not selfish…” _I looked at Matt, curiously, and found him blushing slightly. He was still holding the milkshake, staring at the straw and twisting it. I tried to hide a smile, but I couldn’t. It was good to know he didn’t find me selfish._ “I mean…” _He cleared his throat and brought the straw back to his lips, sipping a bit more and finally looking at me over the cup._ “I don’t think you are. Not at all. You’re a human being, you can be selfish sometimes.” _I chuckled and nodded._ “I bet every single person in this world has already acted selfish.” _He shrugged. Oh, man! I missed his rambling so much! Now it was just a matter of time until he begin to talk about the government and conspiracy theories again!_  
  
“Thank you…?” _I grinned and he nodded._  
  
“You’re welcome. Can you please put on some music?”  
  
“Of course! What kind?”  
  
“Ours.”  
  
 _When I was about to look for some samples of our albums, a wave of impatient drivers started to press their car horns eagerly, shouting and complaining at us. Matthew looked around, frightened, and I glanced at the traffic light. It went green a few moments ago and I was sure it was about to turn red again; so I hurried up to keep driving before I was ticketed. It wouldn’t be good! Definitely not good._  
  
“What was that?” _Matt asked looking through the window._  
  
“Don’t worry, they were only desperate drivers.” _I laughed._ “Look, you can find a few CDs in the glove compartment.”  
  
“Okay.” _He chose one and put in the CD player._ “Oh, piano again.” _He chuckled. It was Sunburn._  
  
“And it’s from our first album.”  
  
“The Showbiz one?”  
  
“Yeah! Exactly!” _So glad he remembered that!_  
  
“Dom…” _He said after a few minutes appreciating the song._ “I need to tell you something else.”  
  
“About what happened at Gaia’s?” _I guessed._  
  
“Yes…”  
  
“Alright, tell me.”  
  
“Hm, I’m not sure if… If that was right… And I also don’t know if I should feel the way I felt.”  
  
“Eh… Okay…” _What the heck Gaia did to him?!_ “And…?”  
  
“Hm… She… Well, we shared a bed and-”  
  
 _I suddenly braked the car._  
  
“YOU WHAT?!” _I asked, unbelieving, widening my eyes._  
  
“W-we… Slept in the same bed…” _Matt looked me scared and I heard Hendrix barking._  
  
“Did you sleep like in…”  
  
“Like in we closed our eyes and slept?!” _He lifted his eyebrows._  
  
“Oh…” _Feeling a bit relieved, I rested my head on the steering wheel, accidently pressing the horn._ “Thank god…” _I whispered._  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing. Ignore me, please, continue.” _And I resumed driving once again._  
  
“When I woke up, Gaia was still there with me and… She started to act, hm, weird.”  
  
“How weird?”  
  
“She…” _He gulped._ “She kissed me…” _SHE WHAT?!?!?!_ “A-and… That felt… Eh, that felt good…”  
  
“I see.” _I tried to sound nonchalant, but truth be told, I was burning from inside. I just wanted to drive back to Gaia’s and, and… I don’t know! Get rid of her somehow!_  
  
 _Calm down, Dom! Breathe… Breathe…_  
  
“And… And… She was so warm and…” _Now he was sounding dreamy. Damn it. I didn’t want to keep listening to that, but at the same time I couldn’t ask him to stop telling me, it’d be rude, maybe?_ “She made me touch her boobs.”  
  
 _And I braked the car more one time._  
  
“SHE WHAT?!?!?!”  
  
“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to touch them, right?” _Matt face reddened heavily._ “I thought so…”  
  
“W-well…” _I tried to say something not to sound jealous or anything, but someone honked behind us and I cursed, driving again._ “Hm, she’s your girlfriend… I’m not the right person to say what you can do or not with her. It’s up to you two.”  
  
“They were really soft.” _He pointed out and for the very first time since he woke up I felt the urge to put his dirty socks into his mouth. And yes, I already had this wish before the accident. It wasn’t a surprise if you’re dealing with Matthew Bellamy. Believe me, sometimes you just want to make him shut the fuck up and lock him from the world._  
  
 _I’m overreacting, I know._  
  
“What an interesting bit of information. It changed my life.” _I shrugged._  
  
“Dominic?” _Matt called me in a playful tone._ “You sound bored.” _Oh, yeah! I’m bored to death!_  
  
“Who? Me? Nah! Keep talking, mate.”  
  
“As I was saying, even though I was… Hm, enjoying the situation, I didn’t feel like that was the right thing to do.” _Good!_ “So I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there.” _Perfect. Good boy._ “And I thought I was-” _Matt kept silent._  
  
“You were what?”  
  
“Never mind.” _He coughed._ “That’s what happened. Do you think I acted correctly?”  
  
“Yeah, the right thing to do was really run to the bathroom, Matt. You did really well and I’m proud of you.” _I smirked._ “You have to do it every time something like that happens.” _Okay, maybe I was being mean… I had nothing to do with Matt’s relationship and I was not supposed to control his actions. But I couldn’t help it! I was extremely jealous!_  
  
“Okay then. I wasn’t feeling comfortable at all.” _Matt turned over and grabbed Hendrix, who was in the back seat._ “Hey, buddy! I think you gained a few pounds! What are you feeding him, Dominic?” _I quickly glanced at Matt and smiled when saw him caressing Hendrix’s belly._  
  
“Nothing. Just the usual.”  
  
“Did you notice the CD is still playing?” _He pointed out, chuckling. It was Showbiz now._ “Believe me or not, but I was paying attention to every song. That was not me! The voice is different.”  
  
“Oh, Matt! Believe me or not, that was you!”

 

  
  
***

 

  
“Did you already have breakfast?” _I asked as we got home, Matthew was holding Hendrix in his arms and heading to the couch._  
  
“Not yet.”  
  
“And I bet you haven’t taken a shower as well, am I right?” _I crossed my arms, smiling at him._  
  
“Am I stinking?” _Shyly, he lifted an arm and sniffed his armpit._  
  
 _I couldn’t help laughing!_ “No, Matt! You’re not stinking!”  
  
“Oh…” _He blushed and lowered his arm again. I stepped closer him and held up my hand. Matt looked at it and then to me, a bit confused, but didn’t think twice as he grabbed it, so I lifted him._  
  
“So, you can go upstairs, take a shower and we’ll go out to have breakfast. What do you say?” _Smiling, he nodded._  
  
“Alright.”  
  
“Call me if you need any help.”  
  
“Sure.”  


 

***

 

  
 _I had taken a shower as well. We were going to a special place, somewhere Matt and I usually went when we just had moved to London. It was the Nude Espresso. We had good memories from there… Well, I had good memories from there…_  
  
 _After finishing the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist, went to my bedroom and chose a few clothes from the wardrobe. I took off my towel and threw it onto my bed. And it was at this exactly moment when I heard an_ “Oh my god!” _and the door being immediately slammed._  
  
 _I looked over my shoulder but it was too late; I didn’t see anyone. But… OF COURSE IT WAS MATTHEW! Oh, damn it!!! What will he think now?! Wait! Actually, he should have knocked before!_  
  
 _Damn it, damn it, damn it! He saw me naked! Oh, damn it!_  
  
 _I hurried up to put on the towel again and ran to the door, opening it just to find a red-faced Matthew, wearing jeans (with an open fly) and an unbuttoned blue shirt. His hair was damp and a few locks stuck on his forehead. He was also barefooted. It was a sweet sight noticing his embarrassed face; he was looking at the floor, chewing on his bottom lip, casually rubbing one foot on the other. Matt didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he just held them in front of himself._  
  
“I’m sorry.” _He finally managed to say, pulling me out of the trance, but that sounded more like a whisper._ “I forgot to knock before.” _He led one hand to his arm to rub it, and I noticed that his trousers had slipped down a bit, showing more of his black boxers and his prominent hipbones._  
  
“You don’t need to be sorry. But… Hm… What did you…” _I gulped, ashamed and still thinking if I should ask that._  
  
“I saw your… Back and…” _Matt’s cheeks flushed even more and I was sure mine were mirroring his reaction._ “Don’t worry, it was only your back.” _He scratched his nape._  
  
“O-okay… Sorry, I’ll remember to lock the door next time.” _I smiled, trying to make him comfortable (or not so bashful)._ “So, what happened?”  
  
“I was going to ask you for help.” _Matt opened his arms._ “Buttons again.”  
  
“I see.” _I chuckled._ “Wait a minute, I’ll put on some cloth-” _But then an idea popped into my mind._ “Hold on!” _I quickly turned back to my bedroom, grabbed my boxers, wore them and then opened the door._ “I’ll teach you how to button your clothes!” _I announced, cheerful and stepped aside, inviting Matt to enter my room._  
  
 _He casted a quick glance from my head to toes._ “You’re aware of your current state of bare skin, aren’t you?” _He lifted an eyebrow and I smiled, nodding._  
  
“I am. It wasn’t unintentional.”  
  
“What?!” _I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the room._ “Dominic!”  
  
“Chill, Matt! Do you want to learn or not?”  
  
“Yes, I do. What should I do?”  
  
“Just watch carefully, okay?” _I said and he nodded. I took my trousers and put on them._ “Now, see this?” _I pointed to the zipper and Matt looked down to his jeans, then nodded._ “So, zip it up, like this.” _Matt mirrored my actions successfully._ “See? It’s not that hard!”  
  
“But the problem comes now…” _He said, disappointed._  
  
“Oi! It’s easy! Look.” _I slowly buttoned my trousers._ “Your turn.”  
  
“Fine…” _He tried to do the same thing, but he simply couldn’t pass the button through the gap._ “See? I’m useless!” _Matt sighed and rubbed his brow._  
  
“Shut up, dude! You’re not useless!” _I smiled and stepped closer him._ “May I?” _I pointed to his fly and he nodded._ “Pay attention, please.” _I buttoned his trousers and looked up at him._  
  
“Okay, let me try again.” _He couldn’t._ “Shit! I hate this!” _I chuckled and sat on the edge of my bed, crossing my arms._ “This is not funny, Dominic!”  
  
“Sorry, man! By the way, I won’t get up until you can button your clothes by your own.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“No ‘but’s! Keep trying.”  
  
 _Matt sighed and rolled his eyes, but I swear I could see him lifting a corner of his mouth._  


 

***

 

  
“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you were being a pain in the arse, Dominic.” _Matthew joked whilst we were entering the Nude Espresso._  
  
“You should at least thank me! Now you can wear anything without help.” _I winked and picked a table in one of the corners, next to the window. We used to choose that one, every time._  
  
“What a good deed!” _He chuckled and sat beside me, looking around and taking a deep breath._ “This smell…” _He whispered thoughtfully._ “I think I’ve been here before…”  
  
“You’re right.” _I grinned, happy, and leaned forward to ruffle his hair. Wow, did he recognize that place only because the smell?! Matt took off my hand, laughing._ “It’s one of our favourite places in the city.”  
  
“Nice! So is it a special place?” _I nodded._ “I thought so.”  
  
“Good morning. What will you order?” _A young blond waitress approached us, holding a pen and a little customized notepad, ready to write down our order._  
  
“Two chocolate cappuccinos and two flourless chocolate cakes with dark chocolate icing.” _I replied smiling and I heard Matt chuckling whilst the girl was taking notes._ “What?”  
  
“Too much chocolate in the one sentence, don’t you think?”  
  
“Anything else?” _The girl asked and I shook my head._ “I’ll be right back with your brunch, sir.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“What are our plans for today?” _Matt asked when the woman stepped away._  
  
“I don’t know. What do you want to do? Oh! Tomorrow you have an appointment at Doctor Walker.” _I reminded him._ “You know, we have good news for him about your recovering.”  
  
“Alright. Hm, yesterday, whilst you were out, I was checking the rooms and found out a box.”  
  
“A box?” _I looked curiously at him._  
  
“Yeah. It looks like an old shoebox.”  
  
“Did you open it? I don’t know what it is.”  
  
“No, I didn’t. I thought you were keeping it for something.”  
  
“No.” _I chuckled._ “That’s your house, after all. But we can see what’s inside that when we’re back.”  
  
“Okay.” _He nodded gratefully._  
  
 _We waited for our order to come and in a few minutes, we were already feeding ourselves. I couldn’t forget the smile on Matt’s lips during the whole time he was savouring the cappuccino he used to like so much and also the cake. He made a mess with the beverage and a coffee moustache was above his upper lip when he finished drinking the cappuccino. I beamed at him, giggling and he looked confused at me. So I indicated his new moustache and he licked it off, smiling shyly._  
  
 _We also chatted a bit more before leaving the place. I told him a few facts about us and that had that particular café as scenario. We laughed, we had fun, we had a good talk._  
  
 _I missed him so much._  


 

***

 

  
“Are you ready?” _I asked trying to sound mysterious, but Matt only took the box off my hands and placed it in front of us, on the mattress of his bed._  
  
“Stop teasing me, Dominic!” _He sighed and shook his head._  
  
“Okay, okay! Open it.” _We already had lunch, it was around half past two and we decided to open the box that Matt found under his bed yesterday._  
  
 _Matt didn’t take too long and soon opened the box. We stared interested inside it and found a few old clippings, random pieces of yellowish papers, aged movie tickets, tiny objects, guitar plucks… Everything related to Muse, but essentially related to Matt and I…_  
  
 _Was he keeping those for so long…? Why?_  
  
 _Matthew picked a few papers and studied them carefully, looking amused and interested. I smiled as I found a few pictures of us._  
  
 _The early days._  
  
“You must see these.” _I gave him three special photos. There was this one where Chris was holding a bass, I was in the middle, the wind blowing our mild long hairs, and Matt was wearing a cap, jeans and a large sweatshirt (that was hanging loose on his tiny frame.)_ “This is you.” _I pointed to the thin boy on the pic._  
  
“No way!” _He laughed, taking the picture to himself, analysing it._ “My hair was awful!”  
  
“And you were even skinner!” _I chuckled._  
  
“Jesus, is this Chris and you?!” _He asked incredulous and I nodded._ “Oh, man!” _More laughs._  
  
“What about this one?” _I showed him one where he was sitting on Chris’ shoulders and I was... Matt’s head was against my shoulder, one of my hands covering him. Thinking better… It was a protective proprietary gesture… Any chance Matt had noticed for how long and how much I care about him?_  
  
 _Good times that never return…_  
  
“And who is it?” _Matthew pointed to the other picture in my hand._  
  
“This is Tom.” _It was a pic of the three of us, Tom, Matt and I. It was the last day of class in one of the years. People had signed our uniforms._ _I remember someone wrote ‘you need a haircut’ on Matt’s shirt and he wrote some verses of a song on mine. That song turned into Bliss a few years later._ “Do you remember him? He was at the hospital too.”  
  
“Oh! The brunet one?” _I nodded._ “Yeah, I remember him. Oh, dude. We changed so much…” _He smiled, still staring at the picture._  
  
“Indeed.” _I sighed._ “At least it was a good change.”  
  
“You’re right. Look at you! You used to look like a dorky and now you’re a handsome guy.”  
  
“Do you think so?” _I lifted my eyebrows, surprised about what he just said._  
  
“Y-yes, I do.” _Matt suddenly looked shy and tried to change the subject. I couldn’t help smiling._  
  
 _I couldn’t say how many hours we spent there, looking through all the content of the box. I tried my best to tell him (or summarize to him) the memories related to those things. There were those clippings about our first concerts in Teignmouth and I told Matt everything about them. He was gaping the whole time, like a child when listening to a tale._  
  
 _I looked through the window and noticed it was already dark outside._  
  
 _We started to talk about the movie tickets and we found a particular one that we had repented to had seen. We should had never had seen that movie…_ “What about this one?” _Matt took that damn ticket I was mentally complaining about._ “Is it good?” _No, it wasn’t. But… I had an idea…_  
  
“Yeah! It is! Actually, this is your favourite movie!” _I joked and felt mean saying that._  
  
“Really?! Oh, I wish I could watch this again!”  
  
“And we can! To be honest, what do you think if we rent the movie to watch here?” _I suggested mischievously._  
  
“It’d be awesome! Let’s do it, please!” _Matthew stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the bed._  
  
 _I was ready to put my evil plan in action._  


 

***

 

  
“Dominic…” _Matthew called me, wiggling on his seat, wrinkling his nose and narrowing his eyes._  
  
“What?” _I tried to hold back a giggle as I chewed more of the popcorn._  
  
“Are you sure I used to like this movie…?” _He glanced at me, quirking an eyebrow._  
  
 _I couldn’t pretend anymore. I burst out laughing and almost choked with the popcorn. Matt just watched me, confused._  
  
“Hell, no!!! Thank god no! I was joking, man!” _I said, still laughing hard._  
  
“So Twilight is not my favourite movie?!” _I shook my head and Matt sighed._ “What a relief!” _He smiled and took some of the popcorn._ “I’d be ashamed of it.”  
  
“I bet you would. But… Truth be told, there’s one of our songs in this movie…”  
  
“Aw, no! Are you kidding me?!”  
  
“No, I’m not. Keep watching… If you can.” _I chuckled._  
  
 _A few scenes later Supermassive Black Hole was playing on the movie. I told Matt that was our song and, as always, he was amused._  
  
 _We kept watching the movie and we had good moments laughing while joking about the film. To be honest we were not even paying attention to that, we were just making silly jokes and having a good time together._  
  
 _I felt so nostalgic… It was really good._  
  
 _I didn’t even know what time it was or if the movie had already finished, but I know we were gradually falling asleep together on the couch._  
  
 _At the end of the night, I was laying, my head resting on the arm of the couch, and Matt was over me, nuzzling into my neck as I stroked his hair, placing a good night kiss on the top of his head._

 

  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you're a fan of [_Twilight_](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1099212/) movies. No offence intended, really! It's just because I wanted to put a movie with a Muse song and _Twilight_ had already been released at the end of 2008 (this fic is setting in 2009). I've thought of [_The Tourist_](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1243957/) movie, but it was released only in 2010 :/
> 
> Thank you ilurvebelldom for helping me to describe the photos scene! If you're interested to know which pictures they were seeing, you can find them here: [photo 1](http://images2.fanpop.com/image/articles/56000/muse_56665_1.jpg?cache=1274579496), [photo 2](http://images2.fanpop.com/image/articles/56000/muse_56665_2.jpg?cache=1274579525), [photo 3](http://31.media.tumblr.com/b5fd21027b1e0dc142e9b62125af1c5f/tumblr_mu7317EdJ41s9bk2uo1_500.jpg).
> 
> [Nude Espresso](http://www.nudeespresso.com/) really exists and Dom's request is in their menu for real.
> 
> Next chapter will be the first R-15 one :'D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Showers & Doctors lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened. No offence intended.
> 
> I have a few considerations to do; first, I'll be eternally grateful for everyone who voted for this series on MS Awards! The Pianist won best non-AU series and I still can't believe it! This is my first serious Belldom series and it'd be nothing if it wasn't for the readers and my dearest friends Vasu, Neta, Lu, Irene, Asli; people that is by my side since the very beginning of this story or that came into my life later but make difference in it.
> 
> Second, I'm extremely nervous and unsure about this chapter. I was craving for this one so much, but I don't know if I'm rushing things... I asked for my friends' opinion and they said I'm not rushing things, and I hope I'm not. I don't want to spoil this story that means so much to me. So, please, if you think I've made a mistake writing what I wrote in this chapter, please let me know!
> 
> This is probably the last TP update of 2013. I don't know if I'll be able to write another chapter until the end of the year, probably I wont. Consider this 3750 words chapter as a Christmas gift! Haha I think that's it :) Now you're free of my rambling xD Have fun!

_The first thing I’d noticed when I woke up – and there was no need to even open my eyes – was that Matt was so warm… I just wanted to enjoy the sensation of his body resting on top of me, covering and heating me as a blanket does. His face was still buried into the crook of my neck, his breath was hot and tickling my sensitive skin. His hands were holding my shoulders in a very careful way and he had one leg between mine._  
  
 _I smiled softly as I headed one hand to stroke his brunet hair. Matt stirred in his sleep, but soon he woke up, looking up and blinking lazily at me. I chuckled and saw his lips forming a sweet smile whilst he was rubbing his still sleepy eyes._  
  
“Good morning.” _I said and realized my voice was still husky._  
  
“Morning.” _Matt replied in a deep tone that made me feel something so good… It had been a while since the last time I heard him talking right after waking up. It sounds stupid, but his morning voice was something that I always found charming._  
  
“Did you sleep well? I mean, am I not too bony for you?” _I joked and he_ _laughed, shaking his head._  
  
“No, you’re actually quite soft.” _I blushed slightly and tried to hide my grin, but I could not._  
  
“Silly.”  
  
“But…” _Matt wiggled a bit, looking for a more comfortable position._ “There’s something…”   
  
“What?” _I moved one of my legs aside; I thought that maybe that could help him to find a better position._  
  
 _But it was when I heard him gasping._  
  
 _Also, it was when I felt something poking my thigh._  
  
 _Both of us stopped moving and just locked eyes. I realized Matt was frowning, looking curious at me as he lolled his head to one side, trying to understand what he just felt. But I did know what was going on for real… Well, I guessed I knew it. And if I was right…_  
  
 _Shit! I can feel my face burning right now!_  
  
“Dominic, what-” _Matt was saying before he propped on his elbows and ducked his head to look between our bodies. I followed his glance and-_  
  
 _Yeah, I was right. Both of us had woken up with inconvenient morning erections and I was about to freak out._  
  
 _What the hell I’m supposed to tell him? What exactly should I say without sounding… Weird…?_  
  
 _I know I shouldn’t be surprised after years waking up like this and this is actually not the first time I’ve seen Matt with morning wood, but it never happened while he was laying over me!_  
  
“Aw, no! This is the same thing that happened at Gaia’s…” _I heard Matt mumbling while still staring down._ _Did I hear that right? Did he just say it was the same thing that happened at Gaia’s?!_  
  
 _What the fuck happened there?!?!_  
  
“Are you ill too, Dominic?” _Naïve blue eyes were suddenly looking into mine._  
  
 _Alright, Dom. Act naturally. After all, there’s nothing wrong about it, right? Just the fact that the guy I fancy is lying on me._  
  
 _Damn it._  
  
“Hm… Eh, Matt.” _I gulped and pondered my next words._ “This is not an illness…”  
  
“Well, I’m relieved then!” _He sat up, actually straddling me, fortunately sitting a few inches below my… Thing._ “So what’s that?” _Matt looked questionably at my… Thing._  
  
“Oh… Hm… Well… T-this is… Hm, you know. You’ve seen this before…”  
  
“Dominic, I know what’s there under our clothes. We’re men, we both have cocks.” _He said, rolling his eyes and sighing._  
  
“O-oh… Sorry, I-I thought you-”  
  
“Yeah, I still remember the name of things.” _Matt chuckled._ “Well, a few things. And there are those which I can’t remember what their purpose is.”  
  
“I-I see…” _My brain was a mess at that moment; I was even more worried about the current situation that I couldn’t pay too much attention to what Matt was saying, important things._ “M-morning wood.” _I suddenly said as I felt I was about to lose all my self-control._     
  
“I’m sorry?”   
  
“These…” _I looked down at our erections, but soon I felt guilty for being staring at Matt’s bulge. His trousers were tight at the crotch and I was able to see the outline of his hardness._  
  
 _I definitely shouldn’t be staring at that!_  
  
“Oh! These?” _He pointed down and experimentally poked my cock over the fabric. That was when I jolted and gasped. Oh fuck! Dear lord!_ “Are you okay? You look… I don’t know, shocked?” _Matt frowned, concerned._  
  
“I-I’m okay. I’m sorry, I just…” _I inhaled sharply; I should maintain my mind working clearly. Don’t be distracted, Dom!_   
  
“Why does it happen?” _He quickly asked and ducked his head again._  
  
 _Stop staring at it, Matthew! Jesus fucking Christ, he was not helping me to cool myself and make it go away!_ “I can’t say why exactly it happens, but it’s normal for men to wake up like this.”  
  
“But when I was with Gaia I didn’t wake up with it.” _Oh, please! Stop talking about her…_  
  
“It can happen because of many things… When you wake up, when you… When you touch it or when you like… Someone very much…” _Bloody hell, this is one of the most embarrassing situations in my life. I’d never thought I’d have to explain my best mate what an erection is… Especially when we kissed a few days ago and when he just touched somewhere he should not have!_  
  
“I’ve been touching it whenever I take a shower or pee. It didn’t get like this, so I suppose it happened now because you’re my best friend and I like you very much?” _How I wish…_  
  
“N-no, Matt! Not this kind of liking… And it happened because you just woke up!”  
  
“What do I need to do to make it go away? It’s a bit uncomfortable now…” _I tried to think of something to tell him, something that would work and make sense; I wouldn’t tell him ‘just wank’! Although that would work and actually make sense…_  
  
 _I couldn’t say that!_  
  
 _But when I thought I could suggest him something else, like just to wait because it’d go back to normal after some while, what happened next just finished the last trace of rationality remaining in me._  
  
 _Matt had just prodded his bulge. Yeah, in front of me._  
  
 _That definitely wasn’t helping me._  
  
“Oh…” _He arched both of his eyebrows and touched there again._ “It feels… Funny…” _When he was about to do that again, I caught his wrist._ “Uh?”  
  
“Y-you should take a cold shower to make it go away.” _I hurried to say. I couldn’t just watch him touching himself anymore; that was wrong. And I blamed myself for be feeling hot seeing him doing that._  
  
 _Matt’s my best friend, I should respect him._  
  
“A cold shower?” _He repeated and I nodded._  
  
“Actually, I’ll do it too.” _I propped on my elbows and Matt got up from me, so I was finally free to stand up, too._  
  
 _I tried to stay calm, but I’m afraid I may have run towards the bathroom._  
  
 _There was no way I could stay calm after what happened! I needed to cool myself as soon as possible._  
  
***  
  
 _Weird._  
  
 _Dominic had left me in a hurry, running upstairs to take a shower. Why all this rush? Maybe his morning wood had started to bother him, just as mine is doing to me right now._  
  
 _It’d be better if I follow his advice and take a cold shower as well._  
  
 _I went to my bedroom and then to the bathroom. I undressed myself and stepped into the shower cubicle, turning the water on. As soon as the first drops of cold water hit me, I jolted and stepped back, embracing my body and noticing the goosebumps on my skin._  
  
 _It was freezing! I could catch a cold with that!_  
  
 _Ducking my head, I observed the hard flesh between my legs. I wanted that to go away, but at the same time, I didn’t want to get a flu. What if I switch the temperature to hotter? Would it have the same effect?_  
  
 _Never try, never know._  
  
 _This way I switched the electric shower and soon the water started to heat. I first put my feet under the hot stream, then my hands and finally my whole body, closing my eyes and sighing in relief as I felt the warm drops running through my hair, massaging my scalp._  
  
“That’s better…” _I said, smiling and headed one hand to stroke my neck then my trapezius. It was aching and the muscles were tense there, probably because of the position I went to sleep. Even if Dom was soft and sort of comfortable, I bet no doctor would recommend sleeping over another human being._  
  
 _Right?_  
  
 _Suddenly I felt my stomach itching and I opened my eyes, glancing down. I let the hand on my shoulders slip down and rub on the patch of skin just below my navel, where I could clearly see a track of sparse dark hair that widened further down._  
  
 _The hot water wasn’t helping there below, was it?_  
  
“Why can’t you just get back to normal?” _I frowned and decided to touch my cock._  
  
 _And that was the moment I felt an unknown sensation through my body._  
  
 _What was that?_  
  
 _I tried again, wrapping my hand carefully around that flesh. I could feel its weight and realised it was a bit heavier than the usual. I found myself wondering what else  I could feel if I kept touching that, so I instinctively moved my hand up and down, slowly, and shivered._  
  
 _That felt so good…_  
  
 _Maybe I could get more of that pleasant sensation, so I just repeated the previous move, a bit faster this time._  
  
 _So good…_  
  
 _I placed my other hand against the wall and let my forehead rest there too, but I was still looking down, watching astonished at how responsive my body was every time I moved my hand._  
  
 _My whole body was hot, probably because of the water that was still soaking me; I could feel the drops tracing down my back, my legs._  
  
 _Soon I realized I had started to pant quietly and I felt a sensation of something building up inside me. Even though I was sure that was the first time that this situation was happening after I’d woken up, it felt like it was not new to me, yet it was extremely good._  
  
 _My muscles were tensing all over; it was a very pleasant tension, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I increased the pace of my strokes and felt my whole body burning._  
  
 _It was when I arched my back and a jolt of electricity assaulted me while I unconsciously whispered a name._  
  
 _Dom’s name._  
  
 _Before I could find a plausible explanation for why I called his name, I felt fluid squirting out of me in spurts, and with each spurt, waves of some awesome pleasure washed over me._  
  
 _All the tension flew out of my body, finally my muscles were relaxing again. I couldn’t help but collapsing on the floor, sitting on my knees. Both of my hands were now placed on the floor and my forehead against the wall._  
  
 _My eyes were shut closed and I was gasping loudly while I waited for all that sudden feeling to end._  
  
“Dear lord…” _I whispered as realisation struck me._  
  
 _This whole experience felt so intimate yet and not so many minutes before I had touched Dominic’s erection. I shouldn’t have done that. How will I look at him now? How could I have forgotten something like that?_  
  
 _I’m lost… All this memory loss is ruining everything._  
  
 _I’m mortified by the thought of what I was actually doing to him earlier. I hope he’ll be understanding enough to forgive me._  
  
 _There’s so much happening in so little time. This is still confusing to me. Also, I can’t forget what happened a few days before. When we kissed. And now this… I called his name. Oh god. Why did I do that? What’s the meaning of that all?_  
  
 _I thought Dom and I were just best friends. I don’t think I was supposed to… I don’t think that was supposed to happen._  
  
“Geez, what should I do?” _I felt my face burning with shame. After I’d regained the strength in my legs, I stood up. My breath had returned to normal, fortunately._  
  
 _I looked up and let the boiling water soak me a bit more before I resumed showering._  
  
***  
  
 _I wasn’t expecting that at all, but without even realising, his name escaped my lips, a silent prayer, as I came._  
  
 _Damn me. This is wrong; I shouldn’t be doing this…_  
  
 _As soon as I recovered from my orgasm, I washed my face with the hot water, which was still running when I decided to touch myself._  
  
 _It didn’t take too long to a sense of guilt fall over me. What the hell was I thinking? Wanking over my best friend was not the most respectful thing to do. I had tried to calm myself down; I even tried to take that damn cold shower to cool my body, which couldn’t stop heating up, but I was weak._  
  
 _I had changed my mind and switched to the hot water, and not long after, I had started to picture Matt in the shower, fantasising about whatever he would be doing there. It was not intentional, but I hadn’t had the strength to stop myself. It was pure instinct and I blame myself for my weakness._  
  
 _I have no idea how I will face Matt next time._  
  
 _Sighing, I finished the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. As soon as I was in my bedroom, I decided to make sure the door was properly locked. It didn’t take more than five minutes or so for me to be ready._  
  
 _Trying to focus in anything else, I pictured the schedule for this day. I should take Matt to see Dr. Walker. Good, I’m sure he could explain us a few things, just like how Matt was able to play the piano again. It couldn’t be all of a sudden, it would not make sense._  
  
 _Then we should go to the supermarket and buy the rest of the food for the party at Chris’ this weekend, the party we discussed a few days ago when Matt and I had argued._  
  
 _After that, I had no idea what we could do. Just watch TV and get lazy, maybe? We would have time to decide it._  
  
 _As soon as I stepped out of my room, I bumped into Matt, who was passing by in the corridor at the exactly moment when I opened the door._ “I’m so sorry.” _I apologized and looked at him._  
  
“It’s fine…” _Matt answered, hands buried in his pockets, staring at the floor and his cheeks slightly flushed. I wondered what would be the reason for that shy look, but I suddenly found myself blushing as I recalled what happened a few minutes ago, in the shower._  
  
 _Stop. Thinking. About. It._  
  
 _That was a mistake and won’t happen again, right?_  
  
 _Well, this is what I actually tell myself whenever ‘that’ happens._  
  
 _Since there’s no way Matt could hear my thoughts, it didn’t make sense if I reddened like that. I cleared my throat and asked,_ “Are you ready? I mean, you have an appointment now.”  
  
“Y-yeah!” _He looked up with shining eyes and nodded._ “I was going to ask you when we should go.”   
  
“As soon as we have breakfast.” _I smiled and approached the stairs, Matt following me. We went to the kitchen and I prepared eggs and bacon for us._  
  
***  
  
 _We finally had gotten to Dr. Walker’s office and we hadn’t even had to wait for too long; soon the assistant had called Matt’s name. Good, because I didn’t want to stay in a hospital longer than necessary._  
  
“Good morning, Mr. Bellamy, Mr. Howard.” _Dr. Walker greeted us with a handshake and then pointed us two chairs in front of his desk._ “It’s nice to see you again. I hope you have good news for me.” _He showed us a warm smile._  
  
“Indeed! We do have really good news. Am I right, Matt?” _I announced, grinning and patted Matt’s shoulder, encouraging him to tell what happened._  
  
“Yes.” _He had a shy smile on his face._ “It seems like I can play the piano again.”  
  
“Already?” _The Doctor looked both happy and surprised._ “This is incredible, Matthew! I’m glad to hear that!”  
  
“But… Why did it happen, after all?”  
  
“Well, well…” _Dr. Walker leant forward, putting his elbows over the desk and adjusting his glasses to sit better on the bridge of his nose._ “I’ve noticed, since you woke up, that your procedural memory had not been damaged, but I wasn’t sure if you’d remember how to play instruments.” _As if he noticed our confused looks, he smiled and kept talking._ “Procedural memory is based on implicit learning, motor skills. It’s basically when something you recall is translated into actions. Remember when I asked you to sign your name on the first day?”  
  
“I do.” _Matthew nodded, paying attention to everything the Doctor was saying._  
  
“You wrote your name when you couldn’t even remember what you’re called.” _Matt lifted his eyebrows in realization._ “See? It’s like this information, the procedure of how to write your name, was recorded in your brain because it was something you’ve been repeating a million of times. Also, who buttoned your clothes?” _Dr. Walker suddenly asked._  
  
“It was me on the first days, but I’ve taught Matt how to do it yesterday and he seems to have learnt it.” _I informed._  
  
“It’s true.” _Matt confirmed._  
  
“What if I tell you that Dominic hadn’t taught you anything and it was just you, after trying to button your shirt repeatedly, that got used again to that action?”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“It was normal for you not to remember how to do that so quickly. After all, your memory was not in its best. Can you tie your shoes?”  
  
“Actually, yes, I can.”  
  
“Could you remember a phone number in the meanwhile? What about playing the piano? How was it? On your first attempt?”  
  
“Well…” _I noticed that Matt got quite uncomfortable with the Doctor’s question. I knew why and put one hand on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly._ “Yes, I remembered a phone number even if I couldn’t say whose it was. And no, I couldn’t play the piano on my first attempt.”  
  
“It was the second.” _I added._ “And he played a full song. A song he hadn’t heard after waking up.”  
  
“Interesting, but I must say that this is not uncommon. You’re musicians and play songs a lot of times.” _The Doctor concluded._  
  
“But what intrigued me was the fact that he had not finished composing that song before the accident however Matt played a full version of it two days ago.”  
  
“Really…?” _Matt glanced at me, surprised. I nodded; I’ve forgotten I had not told him about that before – we didn’t have time, after all._  
  
“Maybe he had already played it and you didn’t know. Or maybe it was one of those episodes we would never find the reason behind. Could you play it again, Matthew?”  
  
“Maybe. I don’t know. I had not tried again.”  
  
“I’d like to know the answer next time.” _He smiled friendly._ “Anything else you’d like to let me know?”  
  
“Yes!” _Matt said cheerful and I chuckled._  
  
 _He then told the Doctor about the day he remembered Hendrix and that he was sure he knew my house even if he couldn’t remember who lived in there. Dr. Walker told us it was because Matt’s topographic memory was not affected. Topographic memory involves orientation in space and recognition of familiar places. All those events Matt could remember were basically linked to the ‘how’ and not the ‘what’ or ‘why’._  
  
 _I asked if, since Matt could recall procedural memories, it’d be possible for him to remember events, his friends. I saw the Doctor frowning at my question, taking off his glasses to clean it with a thin piece of fabric and then wearing it again before he began to explain._  
  
 _Matt’s declarative, or explicit, memory was the one seriously damaged. Declarative memory refers to facts and events and could be divided into semantic and episodic memory. Dr. Walker explained that, in the car crash, the impact on Matt’s head was too strong when it hit the windscreen. He told us that one of the parts of brain responsible for the declarative memory was the hippocampus and it had been injured._  
  
 _Matt could still remember the functions of some objects, capital of cities and understanding of mathematics; what meant his semantic memory was fine. On the other hand, when he woke up, he couldn’t remember a single thing about himself; his episodic memory was majorly lost. All his experiences, events of his life… Everything was lost… And since this was a subject which was under constant studies, it was impossible to say if Matt would remember everything someday. Actually, his memories were not deleted from his brain; they were just kept somewhere there, like into ‘memory drawers’. Maybe he could open them, or maybe he wouldn’t be able to do it… Only time could show us that._  
  
 _At least he could remember about Hendrix. That was a very good sign. But it seemed that there were more. Doctor kept explaining that sleep could enhance memory consolidation and maybe he could dream about something that really had happened. At that moment, Matthew looked incredibly surprised and somehow I was sure he had had a dream. Maybe he was unsure if it was real or not…_  
  
 _The appointment was long and Dr. Walker went through many difficult technical explanations about brain functions and types of memory. The time there was exhaustive and I had already started to lose focus on what he was saying, absorbing almost nothing; there was too much information and I needed time to cope with all that. But Matt looked interested and like he was understanding everything the Doctor was talking about. Good, because he does need to understand what happened to him and what the consequences are._  
  
 _I know things will never be the same, but… I just hope everything will settle down pretty soon._  
  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for all the medical explanation at the end, but it was time to understand why a few things have happened and, believe me, there's still a lot to explain! lol


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions, oh let's go back to the start."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. The summary corresponds to verses from the song "The Scientist", by Coldplay. Original characters are mine. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended.
> 
> First TP post of the year! And guess what, I'm pretty sure 99% of you don't remember this, but today is Jan 16th, the same day that occurred the car crash that made Matt lose his memory (in this fiction, of course!). What a coincidence lol This is a 6359 words chapter (I'm sorry, this shit is looong!), but I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it (especially the final scenes <3). Special thanks to matturemuser for being such a kind creature and betaing this chapter! I dedicate this to ilurvebelldom (as a provisory-belated birthday gift) and nuraicha (for had done great in her presentation xD).
> 
> Enjoy it!

After seeing the doctor, I drove to a supermarket with Matt because I needed to buy the ingredients to cook the meal for the party at Chris’. Matt stayed close to me the whole time, looking curiously at the shelves. I asked him if he had found anything interesting he would like to buy, but he only shook his head whispering a ‘thank you’. He was obviously shy.  
  
 _There was this time when he stopped in front of the Corn Flakes shelves and, once again, I asked if he wanted to buy one. He just shook his head and walked ahead me. I chuckled and couldn’t help picking one of the boxes, putting it in the trolley._  
  
 _We entered the vegetable section and I looked for good potatoes for the salad I was going to prepare. While I was selecting the decent ones, I heard Matthew calling me._ “Dominic.”  
  
“Yes?” _I said but didn’t take my eyes off the potatoes I was picking._  
  
“Can we take some of these?”  
  
“What?” _Then I decided to look over my shoulders, just to find Matt holding a…_ “Oh, dear lord! Where did you get those?!” _I hurried to ask, instantly forgetting about the potatoes that just dropped from my hands right on the floor._  
  
“Uh, in the fruits section?” _He sounded more like if he was asking than answering me._ “Wasn’t I supposed to get these?” _He looked down at the bunch of bananas that he was holding._  
  
“You surely have lost your memory.” _I shook my head, pretending a reproaching tone in my voice; but after a second thought, I wondered if I was allowed to joke that way. I regretted saying that._ “Sorry, I-” _I saw Matt’s thin lips curling into a soft smile, then he chuckled. I felt a bit confused at that moment and arched on eyebrow._ “What?”  
  
“Haven’t I proved enough of that?” _He shrugged._  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”  
  
“It’s alright. Really, I don’t care. You just told the truth, after all. If there’s no way back, so we should at least try to take it not so seriously.”   
  
“But, Matt…” _This_ is _serious._  
  
“So, won’t you tell me the story behind the bananas?” _He lifted the bunch with one hand, smiling and waiting for my answer._  
  
“Do you want me to be totally honest with you?” _Matt nodded._ “Sometimes you scared me because it seemed like you loved the bananas more than any other human being.” _I chuckled and Matt grinned, placing the bunch inside the trolley._  
  
“Were you jealous of the bananas?” _He rested his elbows on the cart handle and began to push it, throwing his weight forward. I glanced at him, confused, but he just wiggled his eyebrows, a smirk playing on his lips._ “You know, I loved them more than I loved you.” _He laughed. It was so good to hear his almost hysterical laughter filling my ears again._  
  
“What the hell are you saying?” _I joined him, laughing too._  
  
 _Matthew stayed with me for a good time, but as soon as I distracted myself choosing the eggs, I noticed Matt was gone. I looked at every corner of the section I was, but I couldn’t spot him anywhere._ “Matt?” _Nothing. A couple of people glanced at me, distractedly._ “Matthew?” _I walked back to the vegetables section, but he was not there either. I went to the fruits one. Not a sign of him._  
  
 _I got so worried at that moment that the only thing that mattered to me was finding Matt. I ran through the aisles but, sadly, didn’t catch sight of him._ “Matthew!” _I basically yelled._  
  
 _But that was the moment when I heard a crashing sound and realised it came from the canned section. I ran there, found hundreds of beans cans scattered on the floor, a trolley (_ our _trolley) dropped next to the mess, and a brunet head emerging from the cans pile._  
  
 _I would recognize that hair anywhere and at any time._  
  
 _My first reaction was to breathe out in relief for I had found Matt, but soon I understood the gravity of the situation and hurried myself, kneeling beside Matt. What if he got hurt?_ “Matt, are you alright?” _I held him by his shoulders and helped him to sit up. What happened next only made me even more confused about what was going on with him. He burst out laughing, so hard that there were tears in the corners of his eyes and his face was quickly reddening._ “Matt?”  
  
“I’m okay, I’m okay!” _He wiped the moisture from his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to control his laughter, but a grin still plastered on his face._  
  
“What happened?” _I asked and noticed a crowd forming around us; that was not a good sign. I had to take Matt out of that place before someone recognized us. I didn’t think that Matt would feel comfortable with so many people pressuring him with millions of question about the car crash or what happened to him._ “We need to go, Matt. Quick.”  
  
“Loser!” _said a young boy while I was helping Matt to stand up. I quirked an eyebrow and looked back at Matthew with a questioning glare._  
  
“Let’s see who will be the loser next time!” _Matt told the boy, smirking._  
  
“Do you know him?” _I asked, intrigued, but he only shook his head._ “So why did he call you a ‘loser’?”  
  
“Because he challenged me to ride the supermarket cart without hitting any stand.” _Shrugging, he started laughing again._  
  
“What?! What’s wrong with you?”  
  
“Chill, Dominic! That was funny.” _He winked and I went speechless._  
  
 _Suddenly I felt nostalgia striking me with the sight of Matthew acting so like the old him. The Matthew before the accident. Acting reckless, heedless of the consequences, being so cheerful and smiling… This is so him._  
  
 _I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad for that feeling I had. Happy because that made me think that things would be okay soon, and sad because I realised that said things would never be the same again._  
  
“What happened in here?!” _I looked over my shoulders and found the supermarket manager making way through the crowd around us._  
  
“I’m sorry, we don’t want any problem so I’ll pay for everything-” _I said in advance, but the visibly surprised man interrupted me._  
  
“Are you two from Muse?” _Did he know us? Not good, not good! The last thing I wanted in that moment was to give explanations._  
  
“No!”  
  
“Yes!” _Matt said louder than I did. Dammit! He was not supposed to tell the truth, but how could he know?_ “I’m Matthew and this is Dominic.” _He cheerfully introduced us and I squeezed one of his arms, but he didn’t get the hint, he only frowned at me instead after freeing his arm and walking in the manager direction, holding up a hand to greet the man._  
  
“Matt, what the-?” _I whispered and followed him._  
  
 _People only got even closer to us, murmuring incomprehensible words to one another. I could distinguish a_ _question_ , “Is he okay? Hadn’t he been hurt in an accident?” _in the middle of their hushed conversation. I soon started collecting the vegetables from the floor and putting them in our cart again._  
  
“It’s a pleasure to have people like you here in our place!” _The manager surprisingly said, looking happy while shaking Matt’s hand._ “I know it may sound silly, but I’m a big fan of your band.”  
  
“Really?! That’s awesome!” _Matt looked back at me, smiling._  
  
“Yes, I even went to the concert at Wembley. That was the best day of my life!”  
  
“Wembley?”   
  
“The same gig you guys filmed for the HAARP DVD.”  
  
“Oh…” _Obviously Matt couldn’t remember what the man was talking about, but he didn’t say anything more._  
  
“And I know about the car crash, I’m really sorry for you.” _The man frowned._ “I’m also sorry for your mother.” _Oh, shit! He was not supposed to say anything about Matt’s mother!_  
  
“My mother?” _Matt looked at me, confused once again, and I approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder._  
  
“We need to go.” _I said and maybe sounded harsher than I had intended._  
  
“I hope she’ll recover soon.” _It seemed like the manager had not noticed what I said, because he just kept talking to Matt._  
  
“Recover from what…?” _Matt asked more to himself than to the man._  
  
“Let’s go, Matt!” _I grabbed him by his wrist and dragged him out of the canned section, carrying the trolley with us._  
  
“Oi! What’s going on?”  
  
“We can talk later.” _We kept walking towards the cashier, but Matt stopped in out track._  
  
“Dominic, what that man was saying was-”  
  
“Please, be patient. Let’s get out of here and we can talk.”  
  
“But I-”  
  
“Matthew, please. Trust me.” _He looked disappointed, head down, and I squeezed his hand in response, trying to make him feel slightly more comfortable in the middle of that situation. He did nothing, only staring at the floor._  
  
***  
  
 _Once we had left the supermarket, we got to my car and I began driving back to Matt’s house. He kept silent during the entire trip. It was an awkward silence and I couldn’t stand it anymore; I glanced at Matt when I stopped the car at the house. He was observing the outside through the window, not bothering saying a word or expressing any other kind of communication._  
  
“Matt?” _I tried to call him, but he said nothing._ “Are you alright?”  
  
“Listen, Dominic.” _He turned on his seat, facing me with a deep frown on his face, seriousness in his eyes._ “You know well that I can’t remember anything and, as my friend, you should at least try to be sincere with me, telling me the truth.”  
  
“But I’ve not told you any lies!”  
  
“So what that man was talking about? Where is my mother? Who is she and what happened to her?” _I could feel he was nervous and angry, his face was turning red and I even noticed his eyes watering._  
  
“Oh, no. Matt…” _I landed one hand on his thigh, but he withdrew his leg and undid the safety belt, opening the car door and leaving the vehicle._ “Matthew?!” _I followed him to the front door._ “Wait!”  
  
“Open the door.” _He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for me to open the door, tapping the floor with one foot and looking down._  
  
“We can always talk, you know?” _I fumbled with the keys before finding the right one, pushing it into the lock and turning it._  
  
“Oh, really?” _He faked a chuckle, rolling his eyes and entering the house._ “There are so many things you should tell me, but you keep procrastinating!”   
  
_Hendrix tripped in our direction to greet us, barking happily with our arrival. Unfortunately, no one gave him the due attention, what made him growl in frustration, going back to where he had come from, distancing himself from us, gloomy._  
  
 _Matthew walked upstairs and I kept following him._ “Are you afraid of telling me the truth? Is there something I shouldn’t like to know?” _He asked._  
  
“Of course not! It’s just that it’s been only a few days since you-”  
  
“So,” _He stopped in front of his room and turned to face me._ “Do you think I can’t take everything?”   
  
_Yes. That’s exactly what I think, but I preferred not telling him, I just swallowed hard and watched him giving me his back when he confined himself into his bedroom._  
  
 _Dammit, you did it again, Dom. Congratulations._  
  
 _I took a deep breath and rubbed my frown. I leaned my forehead against door, so I started thinking what I should do next and, in that moment, thunder roared outside._  
  
***  
  
 _One hour later, I came back to Matt’s room and gently knocked on the door, but he didn’t answer me; I decided to turn the knob and, fortunately, the door was open. I came into the room and found him lying on his side in the bed, his back to me and a pillow covering his head._  
  
 _I sighed and stepped closer the bed, sitting on the mattress and reaching a hand to his shoulder, shaking him softly, not being rude._ “Are you awake?” _Not a word came from him. I leaned forward, placing both my hands on the patch of sheets next his back, so I could approach my face to his. I listened to his breathing and realised he was actually sleeping._  
  
 _My lips twitched into a quick smile and I laid beside him, facing his brunet head – almost all covered by the white pillow ahead me – and inhaling the sweet lavender scent of his soft hair._ “I’m sorry.” _I whispered, unconsciously heading a hand to Matt’s strands, playing with the tips, curling them around my fingertips. I smiled softly and thought with myself that maybe Matt should get a haircut. Well, it doesn’t really matter, he’s perfect anyway._ “I really want to tell you every detail that I know of your life, but-”  
  
“You don’t think it’s the right time.” _I heard Matt’s husky voice and my fingers stopped touching his hair._  
  
“Are you awake?”  
  
“I’m pretty sure I’m not someone who talks while sleeping.” _I smiled and Matt took the pillow off his head, rolled on his back, staring at the ceiling above us._ “I just want you to know that I can’t wait to know more about everything.” _He turned his head to me and I looked into his deep blue eyes._  
  
“Okay, sorry for procrastinating. You want to know things, I will tell them. Can we talk now?”  
  
“Aren’t you mad at me?”  
  
“No. Can we start?”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“You asked for this!” _I chuckled and Matt smiled slightly, nodding._ “See this?” _I popped up on an elbow and touched the black guitar pick in the chain around his neck._ “I gave you this last year.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah, it’s silly, I know.”  
  
“It’s not. I like it. Did you do it?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Even cooler.” _He smiled, sitting up._ “Now that you’re willing to tell me things, can you answer me a few questions?”  
  
“About your mother?” _He nodded and I sighed. The time had come, right?_ “Alright…” _I got up from the bed and went to Matt’s wardrobe._  
  
“Where are you going?”  
  
“Let’s see if you’re still keeping your photo albums in the same place.” _I scrutinized his entire wardrobe, opening all the drawers until I finally found the one he used to keep his albums. Fortunately, they were still there. I smiled to myself when I spotted the old covers, already coated with dust. I wondered when was the last time that drawer was opened._  
  
 _I decided to remove the drawer from the wardrobe and brought it to the bed, placing it in the middle of the mattress, dust coming up from the aged albums. Matt coughed and rubbed his nose. I cast him an apologetic look, but he just smiled._ “So,” _I opened a really old album and the first picture was a 12-year-old Matthew helping his mother to bake a cake._ “This is you and Marilyn, your mother.”  
  
“Oh…” _He couldn’t take his eyes off the picture,_ “I can’t remember her.” _Turning over the pages, he analysed every photograph in that album, mostly about his childhood._ “Is this guy my father?” _He pointed to a picture of a guy playing a guitar._  
  
“Yes. His name is George and he used to play the guitar and sing on an old band called ‘The Tornados’.”  
  
“My father was a singer and guitarist?!” _Matt shoved his eyes off the photo, widening them when he looked at me, obviously stunned. I chuckled at his reaction and nodded._  
  
“Now you know who you take after.”  
  
“And this guy?”  
  
“Oh, it’s your older brother, Paul.”  
  
“Do I have a brother?”  
  
“And a stepsister called Amelia.” _I searched for a picture of her and showed Matt._ “This one.”  
  
“Nice! Where are all my family now?”  
  
“Well,” _I sighed._ “Long story… Your parents got divorced when you were still young, so Paul, you and your mother went to live with your grandmother. This woman.” _I found a picture of her._ “And since then, you have not been in touch with Amelia very much because she stayed living with George. You still see your father, but not so regularly.”  
  
“Is it my fault? I mean, the reason they don’t want to talk to me?”  
  
“What? No, it’s not like that! They still talk to you, but not so often. You know, they’re living a different life.”  
  
“I see.” _He frowned, visibly not satisfied with the answer. I reached a hand to his hair, ruffling it playfully. He forced a smile, glancing at me in the process._  
  
“They have not abandoned you, if that’s what you fear. When you were unconscious they showed up in the hospital several times to see if you were recovering.” _Maybe ‘several’ was not the right word, but I said it anyway, after all his father and stepsister actually went to visit him._  
  
“Okay. And what about my grandmother?”  
  
“Oh… Uh, well, she died a long time ago, Matt. When you were still a teenager.” _I saw him frowning and I couldn’t help taking his hand in mine, squeezing it slightly._ “Everything alright?”   
  
“I’m fine… It’s just that it feels weird. I can’t remember a single thing about her, but I’d like to meet her and learn everything I’ve learnt in the past with her once again. Just like what I’m doing with you right now. You describe the experiences we’ve shared together, even the ones you weren’t there for, but you’re here anyway. I appreciate it a lot, Dominic.”   
  
“Oi, you’re my best friend! Of course I’ll be with you anytime, whenever you need me. That’s what friends are for, am I right?” _We chuckled and I let go of his hand._ “Well, I think now I must tell you about your mother.” _I picked my next words carefully, thinking in the most appropriate way to tell him that._ “You already know how there was the accident. We were returning from a party and took the road back home. You were driving, passing a crossroad, when a lorry came and struck the car we were in. He was the wrong one because we had right of way but he didn’t wait for us to pass. Marilyn was with you in the front seats and I was in the back seat; the lorry hit the back of the car and made it spin on the road until it fell down a small cliff.”  
  
“This is crazy…” _He mumbled to himself, shaking his head, visibly incredulous._  
  
“Yeah… Well, you and Marilyn, as I’ve told you, were in the front seat, so you two received more injuries than me. We were all unconscious at that moment so I don’t even know who called the ambulance. I think it was someone who witnessed the accident.”  
  
“And what about the guy in the lorry?”  
  
“No one knows; it disappeared from the scene of the accident.” _I sighed, disappointed._  
  
“What? What a shame! And the witness who called the emergency? Didn’t they note the plate number?!”  
  
“Apparently, no.”  
  
“I can’t believe it!” _Matt huffed, unhappy with what he just heard._ “So, we were carried to the hospital…” _He paused for me to continue._  
  
“Oh, yes. I woke up a few days after the accident. I broke my left wrist and had minor cuts on my face and arms. Then I discovered you and your mother were still unconscious. That was a hard time; I only remembered more details about the accident weeks after waking up and I just got more and more worried about you two. You woke up almost two months later, but only you.”  
  
“My mother is still in coma.” _He concluded and I sadly nodded._ “I see.” _Matthew lowered his gaze, fixing his glance upon the white sheets. Suddenly the only noise we were able to hear was the rain falling down outside, thunder rumbling distantly, almost imperceptible._  
  
“I must tell you,” _I found myself whispering without any special reason; then Matt’s eyes were locked on mine._ “She’s stabilised now, at least. If it makes you feel any better, she’s unlikely to get worse again; last time I checked, doctors said she was physically recovering well and the probability for her to wake up in the next six months are high.”  
  
“Next six months? Well, it’s still a long time… And this is just a probability.”  
  
“They used to say the same about you; that you’d take at least three months to recover. You took seven weeks and four days.” _I flashed him a reassuring smile._ “You need to have faith, too.”  
  
“Did the old Matthew used to have faith?”  
  
“You didn’t have any religion, but yes, you used to have faith.”   
  
_Matthew only kept looking into my eyes and, I don’t know if it was just my mind, but I swear I could see his eyes watering, and this was the exact moment his lips twitched into a shy smile and looked down, lifting a hand to play with his fringe. To me, he was obviously hiding the imminent tears._  
  
“Do you know who else can help you recalling old memories?” _I said._  
  
“Who?” _I smiled and got up from bed. I was already on the doorway when Matt asked,_ “Where are you going?” _and followed me._  
  
“Just come with me,” _I winked._  
  
***  
  
“Guys?” _Chris looked surprised when he opened the door of his house. Matt and I smiled at him, amused by the incredulous look in his face, as we landed our umbrellas beside the door._ “I-I was not expecting you two to show up! At least not today.” _He grinned happily._  
  
“May we come in?” _I asked._  
  
“Of course!” _He stepped aside and I walked into the house._  
  
 _But I stopped when I heard a_ “W-wait, what?!” _behind me and then turned on my heels, just to find Chris giving Matt a bear hug, lifting the poor guy from the floor. I couldn’t help a grin appearing on my face, even if Matthew looked extremely frightened._  
  
“Miss you, mate!” _Chris laughed, still hugging Matt, but now putting him down again. I tried to hold back a laughter when I saw the shocked face of Matt’s, open-mouthed and looking from Chris to me, as if he was waiting for an explanation._  
  
“Matt, Dom?” _I heard Tom’s voice and, when I looked ahead again, I found him coming out the kitchen with a coffee mug – judging by the steam puffing out from the cup – in one of his hand._  
  
“Hey, you!” _The smile never left my lips and I walked to hug Tom._  
  
“How are you guys? You don’t call me anymore; I thought you were cross with me, Dom!” _He smiled, playfully._  
  
“Oh, that’s true.” _I joked, winking at him._  
  
“Hi, Matt!” _He waved and a still-shocked-Matthew slowly dragged his eyes in Tom’s direction, blinking a few times before mumbling something inaudible, probably a ‘hi’ back._ “What happened to him?” _Tom asked me, whispering._  
  
“Nah, post-Wolstenhug shock” _I patted his shoulder and made my way to the living room._  
  
 _Chris’ house – actually, all my friends’ houses – were like a second home to me, to all of us. Therefore, when any of them say ‘make yourself at home’, they indeed mean it. So it’s not weird or rude of us to scrutinize each other’s refrigerators and cupboards, for instance._  
  
 _When I spotted the huge, indigo four-cushion couch, I sat on the left end. A few seconds later, Tom, Chris and Matt – fortunately not as startled as before – approached and made their seat, Matt alongside me and Chris in the right end._  
  
“Where are Kelly and the kids?” _I asked Chris, unconsciously resting my left arm over the back of the couch, just behind Matt’s head._  
  
“They went shopping. Probably will be back soon.”  
  
“Aw, what a pity! I’ve thought maybe Matt could meet them before the party, just not to be so scared tomorrow.” _I chuckled and Matt turned his head to face me, arching an eyebrow in a questioning look. I just shrugged that off._  
  
“So, what brings you two here?” _Tom asked._  
  
“Well,” _I cleared my throat and wiggled on my seat, just to sit straighter._ “I decided to finally begin telling Matt about his past, but it’s impossible to do it alone and especially in one single day.”  
  
“It’s actually impossible to do it completely, Dominic.” _Matthew surprisingly interrupted me._ “I understand that, but I’m up to listening to whatever you guys have to tell me. Please, don’t hesitate in telling me anything that pops into your minds, even if it’s the most embarrassing memory you have of me. It’s okay, really.”  
  
 _We all exchanged a reassuring look before smiling at Matt._ “Oh, mate! You can count on us, for sure.” _Chris said._   
  
“Helping Maffoo, season one, episode one.” _Tom got up from his seat and walked in the kitchen’s direction._ “Who wants hot cocoa?”  
  
“Maf-what?” _Matt asked me and I laughed._  
  
“Maffoo. It’s what the kids call you.”  
  
“What? Why? I’ve thought we were a rock band, not a children’s one.” _He chuckled._  
  
“It seems like I’ll have to explain the origin of all your nicknames.” _I winked at him._  
  
***  
  
 _We spent hours talking to Matt, explaining a few things, telling funny stories and looking through tons of photo albums we’d found in Chris’ house – mostly thanks to Kelly – and in Tom’s phone. He even told us next time we should call him so he could bring all the albums he had, namely millions of them._  
  
 _There was this time when we were checking photos from 1996, when we went to the Holkham beach. I felt so nostalgic; I bet we all felt like that. Well, except for Matthew. But he looked really interested on the pictures._ “This day looks special.” _He mumbled more to himself than to any of us to hear._  
  
“And it was.” _I smiled._  
  
“Tell me more about it?”  
  
“Sure thing. It was your 18th birthday. You, Chris, Tom, Kelly and I had woken earlier that day, just to take the road and go to Holkham because once you told us that was the best beach you had been in your life; and I must say you have not been to many beaches.” _I chuckled._ “We had plenty of fun, one of the best days in your life, you used to say.”  
  
“It sounds so cool.” _I saw his lips curling into a tiny smile, but something in it looked so sad._ “I presume this is Kelly…?” _He pointed to a picture of Chris and his wife – girlfriend at that time. She was wearing a striped swimsuit and a black beach hat with a thick white strip, holding Chris and both of them were smiling to the camera._  
  
“Yes, it is.”  
  
“She’s really a beautiful woman.” _He pointed out, still staring at the photo. Then, as if he had just remembered something, he shook his head and glanced worried at Chris, blushing heavily._ “With all the respect, Christopher! I’m not trying to-”  
  
“Oi, Matt!” _We all laughed at his worry,_ “It’s alright!” _Chris assured him._ “But I have to warn you that she’s now a prettier _and_ married woman.” _He said in a playful tone, cracking his knuckles, and I swear I heard Matt gulping, uneasy._  
  
“Don’t mind the big boy.” _Tom joked, patting Matt’s back._ “He can look terrifying sometimes, but baby Chris would never hurt a fly.”  
  
“I’m not a baby!” _Chris protested and even Matt laughed, finally looking more relieved._  
  
“If you say so…” _Tom turned over the pages of the album and found out one of Matt and me. We were sitting side by side on the shore, smiling at each other, sweetly; our knees covered by the humid sand and the waves washing our feet. I heard Tom sighing and pointing to the picture._ “You two always made the perfect couple, you know?”  
  
“For god’s sake, Tom!” _I snorted, rolled my eyes and tried to ignore the growing heat on my face. I was probably blushing._  
  
“Uh, so Dom and I used to date at that time?” _Matthew asked all of a sudden, sounding natural and carefree. The guys burst out laughing and Matt glanced at me, confused, of course._ “What?”  
  
“Yes! You two were the cutest lovebirds I’ve ever met!” _Tom continued the joke and surprisingly Matt looked like he believed that all; I even noticed his cheeks and ears growing red._  
  
“Fuck off, Tom! Matt, that’s not true. Don’t worry.” _I told him and he glanced back at me, frowning._ “What?”  
  
“Nothing.” _He cleared his throat before turning his attention back to the pictures._ “Well, at least we looked happy there. All of us, I mean. But I would like to revive those memories…” _He stated, thoughtfully._  
  
“We still can take you to this same place, if you want.” _Chris suggested and we all agreed._  
  
“Thank you guys, but you didn’t get what I mean. Even if we go there again, with the same people, with the same clothes, it won’t feel the same. I would like to wear this young skin of mine,” _He pointed to him in the photos._ “Breathe the air from June 9, 1996, bury my feet into the sand of that day and spend that day only once with the young version of you.”   
  
_An awkward silence fell on the living room in that moment. Neither of us exchanged a single look or word and we could only hear the unceasing rain whacking the windows. Matt kept looking down at the album, not turning the pages and I’m sure he was not even paying attention to the photos anymore._  
  
 _I felt a lump forming in my throat and suddenly felt the urge just to go back home and lock myself in my room and only get out of there again in the day that things would be alright again._  
  
 _Don’t be stupid, Dom. You can’t do that; how rude, heartless of you would it be?_  
  
 _Getting up from my seat, I brushed off my trousers and shallowly said,_ “I need some water.” _Practically whispering._  
  
 _I went to the kitchen, took a glass of water, leaned against the counter, and drank the contents of my cup, the water feeling heavy while going down my throat. When I lowered the glass and looked down at my hands, I noticed how they were trembling. I felt my face heating once again, but not because I was ashamed; I was actually trying not to cry._  
  
 _Placing the glass onto the counter, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; and when I opened them again, I found Chris standing in the doorway, looking at me sadly. I frowned and opened my mouth to say something, but the words never came out. They were replaced by a quiet sob instead._  
  
 _The next thing I remember was Chris’ arms wrapping around me in a tight hug. I couldn’t hold back anymore, I started crying and buried my face in Chris’ shoulder, only to try to muffle my loud whimper._  
  
 _He said nothing, simply rubbing my back soothingly and holding me even tighter._ “I’m- I don’t know what I feel, Chris! I’m sad, too sad!” _I said between sobs._ “He’s here, and it means the world to me, but- I don’t know what to do! I want to help him, I want to make him feel and live everything again, but this is impossible and just make me feel hurt because I’m incapable to do so!”  
  
“Dom, calm down!” _Chris smoothed my hair and his quiet voice was essential to stop me from freaking out._ “Don’t be so harsh with yourself. Unfortunately, there is not a single person who can help him the way you would like to. But you’re doing what is at your fingertips, and you’re doing great! You’re the best friend someone would like to have; even after everything that happened to Matt, you’re still by his side, trying your best to make him recover not only his memories, but also his feelings. So please, Dom, stop reproaching yourself. And if you feel that it’s too much weight for you to carry alone, you know you can always count on me and Tom. We’re your friends too, don’t forget that.”  
  
“Oh, Chris… You’re so kind.”  
  
“I’m just saying the truth.” _He moved away and before he wiped off my tears, I noticed his teary eyes._  
  
“Geez, I feel so embarrassed right now!” _I could smile after all._ “Please, don’t tell anyone about what just happened.”  
  
“Ditto.” _He chuckled softly._ “You know what, Dom? I think you’re a strong person.”  
  
“Strong? I just had the worst breakdown of my life after my father’s death!”  
  
“You are human. It’s normal. But I still think you’re strong; the way you’re coping things, being patient with Matt… I admire you.”  
  
“I’d not say that if I were you.” _I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away, feeling ashamed of what I was about to say._ “Truth is that Matt and I already had some fights in the last days. I’m not as patient as you think.” _I glanced up, feeling guilty._  
  
“Oh, I didn’t know it. However, I understand you, Dom. In the end it’s a hard situation to handle.”  
  
“You’re right…” _I sighed._  
  
“Now c’mon. We left Matt and Tom alone. They’re probably feeling uncomfortab-” _We heard a high-pitched laughter coming from the living room. Matt’s laughter. Chris and I arched our eyebrows in surprise and walked back to where the others were._  
  
“What happened?!” _I asked, curious._  
  
“Oh, mate! I was just telling Matt about that day when we were high on mushrooms and bathed in a Jacuzzi!” _Tom laughed and I realized Matt was having fun with Tom’s stories, judging by his grin and cheeks slightly tinted in red._  
  
“I think you need to watch a few home-made videos!” _I chuckled and came back to my seat; the smile on Matt’s face only warming my heart in that moment._  
  
 _His happiness was all that mattered to me._  
  
***  
  
 _We left Chris’ house some time before the sunset and that damn rain would not stop. That was starting to seriously annoy me! Fortunately, Matt and I had a light-hearted conversation in our way back home; Chris lent him a few albums and Matt continued examining them still in the car._  
  
“Can we visit her?” _He suddenly asked when I stopped the car._  
  
“I’m sorry?” _I looked confused at him, undoing my seat belt and Matt did the same._  
  
“My mother. Can we visit her tomorrow?”  
  
“Sure thing.” _I smiled at him._ “We can go after lunch.”  
  
“It’s perfect to me.”  
  
 _Before opening the car door, I turned on my seat, reaching for our umbrellas in the back of the car, but Matt’s hands stopped mine. I glanced back at him, intrigued, and found him smiling._  
  
 _A childish smile._  
  
“It’s raining, Dominic.”  
  
“I know. That’s why I was going to get the umbrellas.”  
  
“You didn’t hear me? It’s _raining_!” _He chuckled and opened the door._  
  
 _I watched in awe the moment when Matthew left the car and calmly walked towards the garden of his house, allowing himself to be soaked by the rain, until he stopped in the middle and turned to me. I’d never seen him smiling so brightly. He opened his arms and shouted,_ “C’mon, Dominic!” _I heard him giggling and I finally stopped watching, deciding to join him._  
  
 _I went to him and he started waltzing – yes,_ waltzing _– around me, humming a random melody. I laughed and my eyes followed him until he paused and bowed, lifting his left hand to me._ “Join me?”  
  
“What?” _Chuckling, I looked at him, amused. Matt glanced up, a smirk on his lips and shiny blue eyes that were determined to make me melt and give in, holding his hand._  
  
 _After closing our proximity, his right hand headed to my shoulder blade and I placed my left hand on his shoulder, then we began moving our feet, back and forth, right and left. During that sweet moment, I observed how Matt’s damp hair stuck to his forehead, the way his wet skin and clothes felt in contact with me and how gracefully the water drops traced down his face._  
  
 _If I was not sane enough, I would kiss him, right here, right now._  
  
“We’re dancing in the rain, Dominic.” _He pointed out, and I chuckled at his obvious statement. Still humming, I realized that was not a random song._  
  
“And you’re actually humming [_Waltz of the Flowers_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOzgVldYvps%E2%80%8E), by Tchaikovsky.” _I revealed._  
  
“Really?!”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
 _He laughed, extremely happy and amused. I joined him, but we never stopped dancing. Matt only closed the distance between us even more, his hand now sliding down until it rested on my waist, squeezing it slightly. I unconsciously held my breath and felt my face burning (for the hundredth time that day) and even Matt had bright pink cheeks. Our dance slowed down gradually and he suddenly stopped humming. It was only both of us staring at each other and, when I realized Matt’s face approaching mine, I actually closed my eyes and waited for a kiss._  
  
 _But he pressed his cheek against mine instead, the warmth of his skin making me feel relaxed and calm._ “Thank you very much.” _Matt let go of my hand and the next thing I remember was his arms enfolding me in a comfortable hug. I hugged him back and sighed._ “Thank you, Dom.”   
  
“You know, this is the first time since the accident that you’ve call me ‘Dom’.” _I chuckled._  
  
“I know,” _He tightened the embrace,_ “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”  
  
 _I smiled discreetly and thanked god Matt was not able to see me blushing like a schoolgirl._  
  
 _And truth be said, it was me the lucky one to have_ him _in my life._  
  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The guitar pick Matt wears [here](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BeEtNDXCEAE-ilG.jpg:large). Next chapter - big surprises!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He's a man. He's not a child._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended.
> 
> This shit is long, so be aware of it lol It's the longest chapter (7001 words) and I'm really sorry! I really tried to write something shorter, but it'd not feel complete to me (it still doesn't), but I hope you will like it after all. Special thanks to [matturemuser](http://matturemuser.livejournal.com/) for being an incredible beta, [pwopahnetazeta](http://pwopahnetazeta.livejournal.com/), [nuraicha](http://nuraicha.livejournal.com/) and [take_a_bow06](http://take-a-bow06.livejournal.com/) for putting up with my whine, insecurity and helping me when I needed the most *hugs*. This chapter is important so I hope you'll enjoy it and please let me know whatever you think! <3

_I was already nearly awake when I felt the mattress sinking, making my bed crack almost inaudibly. Instead of opening my eyes to check out what was going on, I kept them shut and waited to see what would happen next._  
  
 _Since I was in the state between dreaming and waking, I didn’t bother to move and was not totally conscious about my surroundings. But then bony hands took a grip of my shoulders and started lightly shaking me and a sound filled my ears. It was unrecognisable at first, but soon it made sense and I distinguished my name being called by a soft, familiar voice._  
  
“Dominic,” _someone called me again and my eyes fluttered open to find a grinning Matt sitting alongside me with his body leaning forward – practically above me – and his hands still holding my shoulders._  
  
 _His face was a bit more than a handspan away from mine and I could easily smell the mint from his calm breath. I could also notice his wonky grin and the brightness in his sapphire eyes. I found myself speechless, amused by the fact that his happy face was the first thing I saw today._  
  
 _I would like that to happen every day for the rest of my life._  
  
 _After trying to get rid of those absurd thoughts of a utopic future for the two of us, I sighed in realisation, blinked a few times and responded to Matt’s smile with another one._ “Good morning,” _I said._  
  
“Morning! I need to show you something.” _He got up from the bed and left the room. Yes, all of a sudden. The loss of contact felt weird with his hands no longer holding my shoulders._  
  
 _I sighed again and sat up, rubbed my eyes and stretched while yawning. Dragging the covers down my legs, I stood up and put on my slippers, walking towards the door. Matt chose that moment to return to my room at full speed, both of us colliding heavily in the doorway. Matt’s momentum caused him to stumble into me and we fell awkwardly to the floor, landing with Matt on top of me._  
  
“Oof!” _I let out when my back collided with the floor, closing my eyes with the impact._  
  
 _I felt something being pressed against my forehead and the tip of my nose and the air I was breathing became hot and minty. I opened my eyes and found the deepest of the sky blues staring back at me. It was Matt’s nose and forehead pressing against mine, and it was his breath heating my skin._  
  
 _His hands held my shirt firmly at my shoulders and both of my hands rested on his waist. We fell like that and we stayed like that. Our gazes were locked for a long time, without even blinking, and neither of us said a word. I imagined a million scenarios where I could take the next step and just let my emotions guide me, because the only thing I wanted at that moment was to close the distance between our mouths._  
  
 _I felt when Matt loosened the grip on my shirt and carefully took hold of my shoulders, but what he did next caught me by surprise. I saw something new and unknown in his eyes as he licked his own lips. I could not put into words what I saw, but the quick glisten of his eyes made my heart skip a beat and, since our chests were pressed against each other’s, I also could feel his own heart beating incredibly fast._  
  
 _I had my chance and I should have taken it._  
  
 _But I didn’t have the courage to do so. A rational thought took place in my mind and made me realize how stupid I was to believe that Matt would be feeling a tiny bit attracted to me. Of course that ‘unknown’ glow in his eyes was nothing but a simple, meaningless shine. And about his heartbeat… Well, that could be just a coincidence since he was practically running a few moments before bumping into me._  
  
“Matthew…?” _I said in a quiet tone, just to get a reaction._  
  
 _He blinked a few times before a sharp intake of breath, widening his eyes, as if he finally was aware of what was happening. He looked embarrassed – judging by the pinkish tone in his cheeks – and quickly stood up, brushing off his trousers._ “I’m so sorry, Dominic!” _He reached out his hand to help me._ “I-I came back to see why you’d taken so long to follow me, but then I… I-I didn’t see y-you and-”  
  
“It’s alright, Matt!” _I giggled, finally standing._  
  
“I’m so clumsy!” _He shook his head and covered his face with his hands; I could see how red his neck and ears were growing._  
  
“Don’t worry,” _I carefully took his hands off his face and showed him a friendly smile._ “I can forgive you.” _I winked and Matt just blushed even more._ “So, what did you want to show me?”  
  
“O-oh, that…” _He scratched the back of his neck and spun on his heels, walking towards the door. I followed him._ “I’ve found something under my bed this morning. A box.”  
  
“A box…?”  
  
“Yeah! I have not opened it yet. I was waiting for you to wake up, but it was already eleven o’clock and you were still sleeping. You lazy arse.” _He shot me a cheeky smile over his shoulders._  
  
 _I chuckled and we went to his room. There was this big brownish, old box placed on his bed and I looked at it curiously._ “I’ve never seen it before,” _I confessed._  
  
“Really? I was expecting you to tell me what that was! But it’s okay, we can find out together now.” _Matt_ _put one knee over the mattress and reached for the box._  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Why not?” _He looked back at me._  
  
“I don’t know. What if it’s something very personal you’d not like anyone to know?” _Let’s be realistic, a box under a bed? It’s a clichéd sign of a personal affair!_  
  
“Nah, it’s fine.” _He smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat beside him._  
  
 _There was adhesive tape isolating the box tabs. I helped Matt to rip off the tape and, as we opened the tabs, we had a short coughing attack caused by the amount of dust from the inside the box. I fanned the dust away with my hand as we recovered. Matt shook his head slightly, chuckling and casting me an apologetic look._  
  
 _When we looked inside the box, we got a great surprise finding tons of ‘The Incredible Hulk’ comics._ “What are these?!” _Matthew asked, curious and taking one of the comics in his hands, examining the volume and coughing a bit after breathing in more dust from the old, yellowish pages._  
  
 _As if I was pulled into a trance, memories of my youth came into my mind. The day I went to Matt’s house to do homework and found those same comic books all scattered over his bed. I remember him apologizing for the mess and collecting the comics, explaining they were not his, but his brother’s, so he could not let him find that Matt was keeping them to himself._  
  
“Dominic?” _Matt called me and I was back to reality again._  
  
“Oh, yes! They’re comic books, stories of ‘The Incredible Hulk’. He used to be your favourite super hero when you were young. To be honest, you stole those from Paul’s collection.” _I chuckled and Matt quirked an eyebrow._  
  
“Really? And he never found out?”  
  
“Yes, but you’ve never known he did.” _I shrugged, smiling._ “He pretended he didn’t know that.”  
  
“I need to meet my brother.” _He said, taking more of the comics out of the box, placing them on the mattress after analysing the covers._ “W-what…?” _He stopped, looking to the inside of the box._  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“What’s this?!” _He took another comic and showed me._  
  
 _But that was actually not a comic. Not at all._ “Hm, eh, this is, uh… W-well…” _I gazed at him and back to the magazine; the naked woman squeezing her own breasts on the cover making me blush heavily._ “This is… Porn.” _I finally said, trying to look anywhere else but at Matt’s face._  
  
“Porn…?”  
  
“Yes, pornography. Like, hm, material to- to…”  
  
“To…?”  
  
“T-to… Well, sometimes, uh, people need, eh… ‘Visual’ stimulation to… Feel good…? Physically? While, hm, t-touching…” _I cleared my throat, seeking the most appropriate words to explain that porn could be useful as wanking material – but without saying it explicitly, of course._  
  
 _Should I use the word ‘masturbation’ already? C’mon, Matt is not a child! He’ll find out about those things again sooner or later; if he had not done it already…_  
  
“Feeling good touching what?” _He frowned, tilting his head to one side, visibly confused._  
  
“Oh god… Like, do you remember, hm, that time you woke up with m-me on the couch and you… Felt… Eh, funny stuff happening, uh, down there…?” _I discreetly lowered my gaze to his crotch, but I quickly looked up into his eyes._  
  
 _I waited for him to shoot me a million questions about what my point was, or what feeling ‘funny’ had to do with the magazines; but, surprisingly, after a few seconds just staring at each other, he blushed slightly and simply nodded without saying anything._  
  
 _I wonder if he really knew what I was talking about…_  
  
“H-hm, eh, I think we should have lunch now. Right?” _I nervously stated, getting up from the bed._ “And don’t forget we’re going to see your mother after that!”  
  
“Y-yes! Sure.” _He smiled quickly, placing the magazine and comics inside the box again._  
  
“I’ll take a shower.” _I started walking towards the door._  
  
“Dominic, wait!” _Matt called me and I looked back._ “Will you take too long? I’m hungry…” _He blushed when his stomach growled and even I heard that._  
  
“Oh!” _I laughed._ “So we’d better eat now. I was planning a long shower, but I can do it later. I’m just going to brush my teeth now.”  
  
“Alright then.” _He smiled._  
  
  
***  
  
  
 _I looked at the ceiling while playing with the buttons of my shirt. I sighed impatiently as I gazed at the bathroom door but there was no sign of Dominic. Why did he have to take so long to shower?! We had finished our lunch – he’d prepared something with pasta and zucchini and toasted almonds, I really don’t know; but it was delicious somehow! – and he said he was going to take a ‘quick’ shower instead of a long one, so we could go visit my mother at the hospital._  
  
 _‘Quick’? What does that mean to him after all? It had already been fifty minutes and he hadn’t come out from that bathroom! I’d had enough time to take my own shower and get properly dressed, and I’d thought Dominic would be ready by that time._  
  
 _I went to his room, but he was not there; instead, I’d heard the sound of running water coming from his bathroom. I decided to wait for him right there and threw myself onto his bed._  
  
 _Now I was there, still waiting forever. I glanced at my wristwatch and found that it was almost half past one! Jesus, how long would Dominic take to get out from the shower?_  
  
 _I decided to wait more five minutes otherwise I would go downstairs and try to watch some telly. Fortunately, I soon heard the water stopping and, a few moments later, the door finally was opened. I sighed in relief and sat up._  
  
“Finally!” _I said, brushing off the wrinkles of my shirt._ “I was waiting here and-“ _I stopped talking when I finally looked at Dominic standing in the doorway._  
  
 _He was holding a white towel wrapped loosely around his waist; his body was covered in a sheen of moisture, with droplets running down his limbs and abdomen. His hair was damp, making it look a dark shade of blond, with some locks stuck to his forehead. I watched in silence when one of the drops of water fell from his fringe onto his upper lip and traced down to the corner of his half open mouth, to his chin and then his neck, until it form a pool on the dip between his collarbones._  
  
 _I saw his Adam’s apple bobbing when he gulped, visibly nervous; but soon my gaze was locked on another droplet that slipped down from the pool on his collarbone. It made its way down between the subtle muscles on his abdomen, passed his navel and mingled with more droplets on that sparse amount of fair hair that continued downwards beneath the towel._  
  
 _Maybe I was not supposed to look at him that way; analysing his whole body with my eyes was probably not a polite thing to do. But the truth is that I couldn’t take my eyes off him; Dominic is a truly beautiful man and I couldn’t stop admiring every inch of his body._  
 _Was that wrong? Was it wrong to admire someone else’s body?_  
  
 _Well, no one could deny the fact that Dominic is an attractive guy and, seeing him this way… Oh, okay, there are weird things happening here, as in happening to me right now. Or in me…?!_  
  
 _Could this be what Dominic called ‘visual stimulation’ earlier…? If so, does it mean that seeing someone else’s body is like seeing ‘porn’? After all, is it wrong or not?!_  
  
“M-Matt,” _Dominic called me and I looked up into his widened eyes. I was surprised to feel my cheeks heating. Why was that?_ “What are you doing here-?”  
  
 _And then it was when ‘it’ happened. I had already noticed that the towel was hanging loose around his waist and, when he tried to walk, I think he might have lost his grip on the towel because my eyes followed the exact moment when it slipped down from his hips and revealed his hipbones and his…_  
  
 _Oh, Jesus Christ!_  
  
“Oh, my!” _I hurried to cover my burning face with my hands and I heard a squeak from Dominic, then the sound of cloth being shaken._  
  
“I’m so sorry!”  
  
“I’m so sorry!” _We both said at the same time._ “I d-didn’t mean to look at y-your-”  
  
“I know, I k-know!” _Dominic cut me off._  
  
“I’m really, really sorry! I should’ve stayed in my room. Sorry!” _I got up from the bed, still with my eyes closed, and tried to walk towards the door, but I only ended up bumping into it._ “Fuck!” _I squeezed my nose in an attempt to ease the pain that quickly bloomed in that area._  
  
“You swore!” _I heard Dominic stating and I would have faced him if I had not been dying in shame._  
  
“D-did I?! Oh, dammit, bye!” _And then I left his room and ran towards mine. That was enough embarrassment for a single person!_  
  
 _Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! What just happened there?! Why was I feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest? I swear I could even hear it pounding madly! Was I alright? Was I going to die?_  
  
 _I needed to calm down._  
  
 _I shut the door of my bedroom and leaned my back against it, my head falling backwards. I tried to control my breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Eventually, I felt my body relaxing, the previous tension fading away._  
  
 _As soon as I felt my breath return to normal, I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks were bright red and so were my ears. Why did that happen so often to me?!_  
  
 _I lowered my gaze and found something else that caught my attention. Why did that happened?! Again?! ‘That’ thing in my pants again?! Why?! What exactly happened for it to get that way? I’d been awake for hours now and I hadn’t even touched myself! So why did I-?_  
  
 _Oh, wait. Was this the ‘visual stimulation’ thing…? Oh, god… What did Dominic say about it? Visual stimulation might give me the need to touch myself…? That’s it?_  
  
 _No, no, no, no! I don’t think it should be right! I won’t do it, I won’t do it!_  
  
 _A cold shower! That’s what I needed! But if I took a shower now maybe Dominic would find it suspicious since I had done it one hour ago!_  
  
“What do I do? What do I do?!” _I hit my head purposely on the door, as if that act would make an idea pop into my mind._  
  
 _After a few seconds, I sighed in defeat since I couldn’t think of something else, so a shower would have to do it._  
  
  
***  
  
  
 _‘Awkward’ is not enough to describe how I felt after what happened. For all the time Matt and I had known each other – and considering all the time we spent together touring – we certainly had seen each other naked before. You know, it’s inevitable sometimes, especially when we’re practically living in a small tour bus. And most of the times that happened was when we were still starting our career, so we couldn’t afford huge, wide places and privacy was not an option as well._  
  
 _I’ve lost the count of times that Matt, Chris, Tom and I slept in the same room, or sometimes even in the same bed – not the four of us, because that’d be impossible, but we usually got rooms with two double beds – but those times were truly problematic._  
  
 _And this time everything was different, everything could be misunderstood and everything had a new meaning._  
  
 _I had gotten worried when I accidentally dropped my towel! But I got even more worried when I realised the effect that whole situation had on Matt. Well, I was not expecting Matt to feel… Eh, to get a… Boner…? Because there was definitely something happening down there! I know because I’ve seen it- Dammit! I should just stop thinking about it and let it go._  
  
 _That was an accident._  
  
 _We remained silent about the subject on the drive to the hospital where Matt’s mother was being treated during her coma. He looked quite nervous, judging by the amount of times I saw him cracking his knuckles or just tapping impatiently on the car door with his fingers when I was driving. I couldn’t blame him for his anxiety; he was going to see his mother and that would feel like the first time in his life after all._  
  
 _Turning off the engine and freeing myself from my seat belt, I turned to face Matt. He was shaking his leg nervously and was chewing one of his thumbs while looking outside the window. I sighed and leaned forward, placing a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. I felt when he almost jumped off his seat and turned his head to face me, big blue eyes staring at me, worried._  
  
“Oi, calm down!” _I said, giving him a soft smile._ “Is everything alright? Can you do it?”  
  
“O-oh, uh, I think so.” _He nodded, took a deep breath and I felt his body relaxing under my touch._   
  
“So, shall we?” _I looked at the building ahead us and Matthew followed my gaze._  
  
“Yes.”  
  
 _We got out of the car and entered the hospital. I searched for Dr. Walker and explained to him how Matt was willing to see his mother. He agreed happily and asked us to follow him to Marilyn’s room, but left us at the door, giving us privacy._  
  
“Do you want to go in alone?” _I asked Matt._  
  
“I don’t know…” _His gaze was locked on the wooden door and he had his hands buried into his pockets, shifting from one foot to the other._ “Come with me?”  
  
“Are you sure?”   
  
_He didn’t lift his head, he was now staring at his eager feet. Then I felt his fingers brush against my wrist and slip down to intertwine with mine, squeezing my hand gently._ “Please…?” _He whispered._  
  
“Matt, when will you learn that I’ll follow you to wherever you go?”  
  
 _Matt looked up, shining blue eyes looking into mine. I smiled and squeezed his hand back, reassuringly, and then I realized his face was flushing heavily before he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. I chuckled softly and put my free hand on the doorknob._  
  
“So…?” _I waited for his answer and he nodded._  
  
 _I finally opened the door and I noticed how Matt’s eyes scrutinized the whole room with every step he took._  
  
 _Until he caught sight of the bed and the sleeping body on it. He stopped in his tracks and, judging by how rigid his hand felt by that time, he had frozen._ “T-that’s… Her?” _he asked quietly._  
  
“Yes.”  
  
 _Matt started walking again and as we got closer, the beeping sound from the equipment around Marilyn became more audible. We were also able to hear the mechanical sound of her breathing, which was being helped by equipment as well._  
  
 _She was wearing typical hospital clothes and her body was covered up to her chest by white sheets; her arms being the only limbs uncovered. Matt stopped by her side, watching her expressionless face, her mouth covered by a plastic oxygen mask. He said nothing and I saw the moment when he lifted his free hand and touched her fringe, removing it away from her forehead._  
  
 _He repeated the motion when her fringe insisted to fall back to her forehead again._  
  
“It feels… weird,” _He commented and I looked at him confused._ “You know, it’s like I don’t know her, but I miss her somehow. Like right now, it feels like my heart is being squeezed tightly, there’s this lump in my throat and…” _His voice failed and I leaned my face closer to his._ “A-and my eyes are-,” _then I saw a tear falling from the corner of his eye and I couldn’t hold back anymore._  
  
 _I quickly pulled Matthew into a tight hug, placing his head on my shoulder while he began to sob quietly, almost inaudibly. I shushed him, rubbing his back with one hand and smoothing his hair with the other._  
  
“Hey, it’ll be alright soon,” _I whispered and Matt nodded, his hands holding firmly on my jacket._ “And I don’t think what you feel is weird. She’s your mother after all.”  
  
“I know…” _He muttered._  
  
 _After a few minutes, Matt had stopped crying, but we just stayed like that, holding each other until we heard a knock on the door. We quickly moved away from each other, Matt wiping off the remains of tears from his eyes and we turned to face the door._  
  
“Excuse me,” _It was Dr Walker._ “I’m sorry Mr Bellamy, Mr Howard, but your time’s up.”  
  
“O-okay, we’re leaving in a minute,” _I said and the doctor nodded, closing the door again. I looked back to Matt._ “We need to go, but I promise we’re going to visit your mother more often from now on.”  
  
“Thank you. That’s really kind of you, Dominic,” _he smiled and I mirrored his action._  
  
  
***  
  
  
 _We arrived back home at half past three and didn’t take long to start work on the dishes for the evening’s party at Chris’. Matt was really willing to help and, even if I’d never trusted his cooking skills, I decided to give it a try. Who knew? Maybe he’d changed it somehow!_  
  
 _But I was so damn wrong… I had just asked him to pay attention to the blueberry pie in the oven while I was taking care of the salad. I don’t know how the hell he didn’t notice the burning smell permeating the kitchen._  
  
 _I had to prepare another one._  
  
 _I realized Matt was a bit unsure of what he could do to help me – and I was actually afraid to let him ‘help’ again – so I just asked him to pass me the knife so I could chop the onion for the salad._  
  
 _And he managed to cut his finger in the process._  
  
 _Worried when I heard him squeaking and I saw a considerable amount of blood staining the carpet, I stopped my task and went to help him. I cleaned the cut and noticed it was a bit deep, but not enough to get stitched. So I just got supplies from the first aid kit and wrapped a Band-Aid around his wounded finger._  
  
 _Matt decided just to watch me preparing the dishes and I thanked god for his decision. Everything went really well._  
  
 _Until someone ring the doorbell._  
  
 _Matt went to check who it was, and when I heard that familiar, feminine voice, all the previous calm in me faded away._  
  
 _It was Gaia._  
  
 _I didn’t bother going to the living room to greet her. Impolite, I know, but I just thought it wasn’t worth leaving my job to go talk to her. And, let’s face the truth, she had not come to see me; so I let Matt and her have a little time together._  
  
 _At first, I only heard high-pitched laughs – from her, of course – but soon I didn’t hear anything more and I found that weird. I dropped what I was doing, filled a glass of water and went to the living room to see if they were still there._  
  
 _Oh, but they were there. Too much for my liking!_  
  
 _I watched in shock as Gaia tried to snog the hell out Matt on the couch and I didn’t even realise I had lost the grip on my glass. Apparently, I’ve been losing the grip on many things. Not good._  
  
 _At least Gaia parted from Matt when the sound of shattering glass filled the room. They looked at me, worried, red faced, and I felt my own face heating due to anger rather than shame. I faked an apologetic look and said I was sorry for interrupting their interesting activity. Of course I had all the hard work to clean the carpet later, but at least Gaia didn’t take too long to leave the house._  
  
 _Matt acted awkward when she left, and to be honest, I could say he looked like he was feeling guilty somehow._  
  
 _I wondered why._  
  
  
***  
  
  
 _Fortunately, everything was ready by the time we had to leave for the party, both the salad and the pie. Not a burnt one, of course. When Matt and I arrived at Chris’, Tom, Morgan and Dom Anderson were already there. Tom introduced them to Matt and they spent quite a good while chatting while I helped Chris to set the huge table._  
  
 _It was a dinner for family, which meant real blood relatives and our closest friends. We invited my sister Emma, Matt’s father, Amelia and Paul. There were more friends we’d like Matt to meet, but we were not sure if he’d cope with so many new people in a short time._  
  
 _Meeting Chris’ children was already a bit… overwhelming? They obviously had no idea what had happened to Matthew. Yes, they knew about the accident and that Matt had spent a long time in the hospital, but they had no idea about the memory loss; so, when they saw Matt, they ran to hug him and bombarded him with a million questions about everything._  
  
 _Matt was really unsure about what to do and about who the kids were. Discreetly, I told him who was who. Ava and Alfie were the ones who suspected that something was not right, judging by their faces; but they also didn’t ask anything._  
  
 _Kelly was amazing. She and Matt talked for quite a good while and he seemed comfortable with her. That was good, too._  
  
 _I can say the dinner was fun and we all had fun, even if awkward moments had happened due to Matt’s memory. Fortunately, everybody understood whenever he didn’t catch what they were trying to say and they even shared with him at least a tiny part of their experiences together._  
  
 _Matt talked with his father and siblings for a long time, too. I can’t exactly tell what he spoke about with anyone because I thought it should be something he needed to learn by his own; collecting pieces of his past with the help with_ all _his friends, not only me. That’d be too selfish._  
 _Other people certainly had many memories to add, memories that I didn’t know or just couldn’t find the best way to tell. One thing was certain, all the support from his family and friends was important to him in this moment._  
  
 _Sure, I was curious to know what they were telling him, but I couldn’t just meddle in his conversations. And, well, he’s not a child. Let the man have his secrets! If he felt like telling me something later, I was sure he’d do it._  
  
 _But weird things also happened in the party. There was this time when I was having a drink with Tom and, when I was checking my surroundings, I caught sight of Gaia and Matt talking in one of the corners of the living room. She looked serious; he looked confused and nervous. I wondered what they were saying. Then they left the room and went outside, to the garden._  
  
 _I sighed in disbelief because the only thing I imagined they could be doing was not really cool. Why would she had taken him to the garden if the party were happening inside the house?_  
  
 _Jealousy, I know. It’s just that I couldn’t bear the fact that she was taking advantage of Matthew like that! And, I know, I’d been repeating to myself that he’s not a child and that if he still goes with her to where she takes him it is only because he doesn’t feel like doing otherwise._  
  
 _And I should respect his decisions because I had nothing to do with his relationship matters._  
  
 _I unconsciously began to drink more than I was planning, and when the next weird thing happened, I was already    not in my most sober state. I watched- we all watched - confused and in silence when an infuriated Gaia stormed into the living room, being followed by an even more confused Matthew. She didn’t say a word to anyone, gathered her coat and left Chris’ house, violently shutting the door._  
  
 _Everybody exchanged perplexed looks. I was the first one to react, approaching Matt and asking if he was okay. He looked bewildered, but nodded nonetheless. I asked what had happened, but he just shook his head, trying to say something, but no words were pronounced. In the end he just said he had no idea what happened for her to leave so abruptly._  
  
 _Of course there was a reason. Maybe he was just afraid to tell me, or maybe he really wasn’t aware of what he could’ve done. People were still silent and paying attention to us, so I tried to get out of that situation. I invited him to join me and the guys in our chit-chat, and he complied without second thought._  
  
 _Gradually the party returned to normal, or at least almost normal. At least Chris, Tom, Morgan and I were successful on distracting Matt from whatever had happened. Tonight was his night; he could worry in the morning._  
  
 _Actually, Tom was the one who distracted Matt the most. Of course, he gave him booze. At first, I was not really sure if that was a good idea and told him not to drink anything; but then Kelly needed me in the kitchen and I had to leave the guys for twenty minutes or so. When I was back it was already too late._  
  
 _Matt was already in his fourth glass of wine. Initially I showed him a reproachful look and blamed Tom for trying to be a smart arse, but they only laughed at my face. Damn drunk men!_  
  
 _I sighed in defeat and had no option but join them too._  
  
 _It was the first time I had gotten drunk since the accident._  
  
  
***  
  
  
 _I might be the worst friend ever. Since I couldn’t have driven after drinking so much, Emma had been kind enough to take Matt and I back home. Maybe she had reproached me a lot during the drive, but I was not really paying attention to what she was saying. But the worst thing was that, when she left us safe and sound at Matt’s, I couldn’t help my big mouth and ended up telling Matt that I knew where he kept his wine._  
  
 _And there we went to get more alcohol. We picked a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon wine and brought it with us to Matt’s room. We sat on his bed, opened and shared the bottle. We didn’t take glasses with us._  
  
“So…” _I started with a groggy voice._ “What happened to Gaia?” _I hiccupped and we giggled, Matthew leaning closer to me and having some difficulty maintaining his balance, sometimes his face getting much closer to mine than he had intended._  
  
“Want the _twuth_?” _He said funnily._  
  
“Sure!”  
  
 _He leaned in, put one hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear,_ “I dunno!” _and giggled once again before resting his forehead on my shoulder._  
  
“Oh, gee! You’re so drunk!” _I laughed playfully pushing him away from me, but he just grabbed my wrist to prevent him to lose balance and fall back on the mattress._  
  
“Or maybe I know! But won’t tell you.” _He winked, still holding my hand._  
  
“Cheeky.” _I took a sip from the bottle and gave it to Matt._ “I can’t stand that woman, you know?  
  
“Why not?” _He drank more wine._  
  
“I really dunno, I just don’t like her!” _I shrugged._  
  
“She doesn’t like you, either.”  
  
“That’s obvious.” _I chuckled, not giving it too much importance. It’s not a secret to anyone._ “Remember this afternoon, when she came visit you?”  
  
“Hard to forget.” _He laughed, but I just rolled my eyes._  
  
“Naughty.”  
  
“What about it?”  
  
“I didn’t like to see her doing what she was doing, you know?” _I said without thinking. Blame the alcohol._  
  
“Why? I was having some fun.” _It was his time to shrug._   
  
“I was jealous,” _I confessed._  
  
“Jealous?” _He looked at me, quirking an eyebrow in a questioning stare._ “She’s my girlfriend. Why would you be jealous? Oh… Wait!” _He sat straight and held my shoulders,_ “Do you have a crush on my girlfriend?! Are you jealous of me?!”  
  
“What the fuck?! Of course not! Oh, shit! Never say that again! I hate her!” _He loosened the grip on my shoulder and giggled._  
  
“So why the hell would you feel jealous?”  
  
“Never mind,” _I sighed and tried to take the wine bottle from his hand, but Matt withdrew it._ “What?”  
  
“Nah! Just tell me why you feel jealous and I’ll give you the bottle,” _he smirked, lazily._  
  
“Don’t be silly! Give it to me!” _I tried again._  
  
“Nope! Tell me first!”  
  
“This is not worth it! You know what? Keep the bottle,” _I pretended nonchalance and looked away, leaning my back against the headboard again._  
  
“You know, she’s not that bad,” _He chuckled._ “I mean, she knows how to do some things.” _Matt tapped his forefinger on his lips, looking mischievously at me._  
  
“Oh, god! Who said I wanted to know that?” _I sighed, annoyed._  
  
“I have some questions,” _He suddenly said,_ “and I’m curious.”  
  
“About what?”  
  
“I’ve been thinking for a while now… How would it have felt to…”  
  
“To…?”  
  
“Remember that day, when we fought?”  
  
“Which one?” _I smiled, smugly and Matt rolled his eyes, but couldn’t help a grin._  
  
“About the piano thing!”  
  
“Oh, yes, sure. What about that?”   
  
“You certainly remember that you almost kissed me.”  
  
“W-what?! I-I didn’t!” _I stuttered. Even if I was drunk, that subject was definitely something I was aware of._  
  
“Our lips touched, that was an almost kiss.”  
  
“A p-peck, you mean…”  
  
“Whatever,” _he smiled._ “Since that day I can’t stop thinking how it would’ve felt if I hadn’t panicked,” _Matt said simply._  
  
 _He’d simply confessed to me one of his deepest thoughts. Thoughts that would never been said aloud in a normal situation._  
  
“Matt, I’m drunk, you know?”  
  
“Sure! I’m drunk as well!”  
  
“You don’t know what it means.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You’re telling me this, but… you’re drunk. If you really want me to know about it, you should tell me when you’re sober. I can’t take this seriously.”  
  
“Why not? I’m telling you because it’s been in my mind for some time now and I just can’t stop thinking about it!”  
  
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Matt. You can’t just go and do the first thing that comes into your mind. It’s not appropriate and-”  
  
 _I couldn’t finish my sentence because I was silenced by Matt._  
  
 _Matt’s lips to be exact._  
  
 _It was a brief touch of our mouths before he moved away, keeping the proximity, and looked into my eyes. I saw something different in the way his eyes were shining and I couldn’t read what that meant. But one thing I was certain I’d seen. Determination and sincerity._  
  
 _I couldn’t stop looking at him with widened eyes, surprised by his move. He didn’t hesitate to bring both of his hands to cup my face, his thumbs caressing my heated cheeks. I held both his wrists, but didn’t dare to pull him away. I just waited and thought, enjoying the wonderful sensation of that contact._  
  
 _There were so many things in my head by that time. I wanted to do a million things, but at the same time, I was afraid and uncertain. I was mostly afraid of hurting, getting hurt or regretting anything we would do._  
  
 _Even if he meant what he said – that he was curious – there was no way to be sure of his reaction in the next day, when he’d realize what we did. If his wish hadn’t been expressed while sober, it’d be because he has reasons. And for god’s sake! I’m his friend, the person who must help him, not make him even more confused and definitely not the person to take advantage of him._  
  
 _Even if it was just a simple kiss, that was not right._  
  
“Dominic, tell me,” _he whispered, his deep voice filling my ears,_ “It’d happened before, am I right? The kiss, I mean.”  
  
“Why do you ask?” _I asked back, my eyes now fluctuating from his eyes to his mouth._  
  
“Because that time didn’t feel like the first one. And I’ve been dreaming confusing dreams, too.”  
  
“Dreams?”  
  
“Like memories. Have we ever kissed under a mistletoe?”   
  
“Twice,” _I revealed. Could it be possible for Matt to dream of real memories?_  
  
“And how many times overall?”  
  
“A few.”  
  
“The first one?”  
  
“We were fifteen.”  
  
“The last one?”  
  
“The night of the accident.”  
  
 _Every word came out without a second thought and, after my last reply, Matthew stopped brushing his thumb on my face and just stared at me. One of his hands slipped down to my neck, holding it gently, and the other rested on my shoulder._  
  
“And you don’t want me to feel it again?” _He asked._  
  
“I do.”  
  
 _Matthew didn’t wait much to lean forward, pressing his mouth against mine once again, carefully. He lingered there for a while, not moving, just feeling; until I decided to take the next step, licking on his bottom lip and nudging between his sealed lips, quietly begging for entrance. He obeyed quickly and let out a loud gasp when he parted his mouth and allowed my tongue in, the soft muscle immediately searching for Matt’s._  
 _I felt the hand that was holding my neck pulling me even closer to him, so I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave in to the sensations._  
  
 _He felt soft and warm, invitingly and pleasant. He tasted like the wine, sweet and fresh. Our tongues danced together, tangled, reaching every corner of our mouths; a special contact where both of us felt good._  
  
 _That felt right._  
  
“You’re different,” _Matt pointed out almost in a whisper as we parted to catch our breath._  
  
“Different?” _I panted._  
  
“With her it only felt fun, with you it feels like so much more… It feels both good and right…” _he licked his lips before pressing our mouths together again, this time with a bit more fervour._  
  
 _One of his hands slipped beneath my shirt to squeeze my waist, and he used the other one just to stroke up and down my back. But then I felt him pushing his body against mine, slowly laying me back. He kissed the corner of my mouth, my cheeks, my ear…_  
  
 _Everything felt so good…_  
  
 _But I had to stop him._  
  
“Matt… We need to stop…” _I said and he dragged his lips back to mine, kissing me briefly._  
  
“I don’t want to. Neither do you,” _His warm breath tickled my skin._  
  
“We need to. We need to stop and go to sleep. Remember, we’re drunk, it won’t be good…”  
  
“But it feels good…”  
  
“Sober, maybe. Not drunk,” _Matt looked into my eyes, pleading, but nodded anyway._  
  
“Will you at least stay with me? Here?” _He asked._  
  
“It’s not a good idea.”  
  
“Dominic!” _He frowned and I sighed._  
  
“Alright…”  
  
 _Matthew smiled and laid beside me, dragging the duvet to cover us._ “Dominic.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“I don’t think you’re easily forgotten. That’s why I feel so good around you, because deep inside I know the good person you are.”  
  
 _I was drifting off as his words came to me. Tomorrow was a mystery that I knew I should be concerned about, but I was too tired and a bit too drunk to care and sleep claimed me quickly but with a satisfied smile on my face._  
  
  
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when I'll update again. I'll go back to uni tomorrow and I won't know what free time means anymore lmao. Thank you very much for reading this series <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Dom have a new mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended. 
> 
> I can't stop laughing. 7667 words LMAO. Everytime I try to write a short chapter but I just can't! This chapter was one of the most difficult ones to write and there's nothing great about this one! I don't know why the hell it gave me so much trouble, I only know I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, idk, I think it could be better... I struggled so much, experienced anger, sadness and even sickness and I don't like the result. But, well, it's done and, well, please let me know if you like it Xxx
> 
> Dedicated to my kind, amazing friends who helped me plotting. Also, [nuraicha](http://nuraicha.livejournal.com/), I'm sorry for being a cunt lately. Love you <3
> 
> (During flashbacks, conversations are in italics and narrative is regular)

  
The cold breeze blowing on my face made me feel chilled so I zipped up my jacket, burying my hands in its pockets; but when my fingers brushed over something inside one of the pockets, I took it out to take a look and found out a lighter. I didn’t even remember putting it in there.  
  
It had been a while now…  
  
I traced the lighter with my fingers, staring at it and wondering if using it again would be a good idea or not. The night was freezing and maybe a cigarette could help me to ward off the cold. I used to do that years ago, why not try it once again? Alright, I know I had promised Matthew that I would stop with the smoking, and I actually have been a good boy, sticking to my promise. But truth is that there are times I just can’t help it, especially when something worries me a lot.  
  
And lately… There are things upsetting me so much. I know I’m being irrational for thinking I could stand a chance with Matt and- Stop it, Dominic. Just stop it. By now, after all these years, I should be convinced of the fact that it won’t ever happen, no matter how much I want it.  
Just get over it, you idiot.  
  
Sighing, I decided to scrutinize my pockets again and found three cigarettes. I lit one of them, led it to my lips and pulled the smoke into my mouth, removed the cigarette and inhaled quickly. Then I fully exhaled and felt that typical rush of pleasure.  
  
I’d missed that…  
  
I’m more than sure that Matthew would get so mad at me if he caught me smoking again. The last time I officially did it was when I was still recovering from the pain of the loss of my father. I remember that day very well. Matt was with me, we were in my bedroom, sitting on the floor and resting our backs against the wall. Not a word had been said until then, we just went to my room, sat and I lit the cigarette. It had been almost a month since my father had passed away and I’d gotten into a deep depression back then. Even so, Matt was always with me.  
  
I remember I was so hopeless and immersed in bad thoughts that I was not paying attention to my surroundings, so when I felt Matt placing a hand on my thigh I stirred and looked at him, with widened eyes. He just stared at me with concern, a sad frown on his face and used the other hand to touch my face. I didn’t understand what he was trying to do, so I just let him keep going. The next thing he did was pull the cigarette out from my lips, throwing it through the window that we were sitting under.  
  
When I thought of protesting, he quickly hugged me, as he had never done before. And look, we’d hugged each other many times, but this one was different somehow. It felt like he was trying to protect me from any further harm, and I felt safe in his arms. I’d been feeling so defenceless and distressed back then, and that simple hug made me realise that there are people who care about me, who don’t want to see me sad or destroying myself like I’ve been doing lately.  
  
My father died of a heart attack and he smoked during his entire life. I shouldn’t follow his path.  
  
Matt just stayed like that, hugging me as if his life depended on it, and he only whispered, _“Stop with it. Promise me you’ll stop it, please,”_ and I nodded. After all, I didn’t want to cause more pain to my friends and family.  
  
After that, I remember smoking again only once within the past five years. Matt didn’t know about it. It happened when he proposed to Gaia.  
  
And tonight… Well, here I am, alone on the balcony of a friend’s house, while the rest of the people are inside having fun at the party. Matt, Gaia and some of our relatives and friends are here too. I just couldn’t stay in there with everybody, at least not after seeing Matt and Gaia dancing together, so close and kissing.  
  
What the hell am I thinking now? It’s pure jealousy, it’s always been jealousy. Jealousy and cowardice, lack of attitude from my side, and now it’s too late and I know I can’t complain.  
  
I love Matt. Too bad I realised it when he was already dating Gaia. There’s nothing I can do right now and I still need to accept this fact. But it’s really hard, especially when I have to see him almost everyday and not be able to express my feelings for him. It’s also torture whenever I see him with Gaia. Of course I’m sounding selfish, I can’t help it. I should be happy for Matthew, because he found someone who cares about him, but I wish I could be that someone…  
  
And that will never happen.  
  
The cold wind blew a bit harder and I felt my bones chilling. I even had goosebumps. After inhaling more of the cigarette, I heard footsteps and looked over my shoulders, just to find Matt walking in my direction, with a reproachful look in his face and crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
Oh, shit.  
  
He stopped beside me and asked, _“Why are you smoking?”_ Because of you, of course. _“I thought you’d promised you’d quit.”_  
  
 _“I did. It’s just that… Tonight is an exception, okay? It won’t happen again,”_ I looked away. I couldn’t stand staring at his disapproving look. Suddenly I felt guilty.  
  
 _“I hate the smell of smoke on you,”_ he said, clinging onto the collar of my jacket and making me look back at him again. I was confused for a moment, then I saw how disappointed he looked; a deep frown on his face and a glisten of sadness in his blue eyes.  
  
Guilty. That’s the best word to describe how I felt in that moment. Memories from the day of our promise came flooding back and I had no excuse to tell him. I should just shut up.  
  
 _“Why is tonight an exception?”_  
  
 _“B-because…”_ C’mon, Dom! You can’t tell him the truth! Think of something, anything! _“I-I’m stupid.”_  
  
 _“You’re smoking again. Yeah, you’re stupid.”_ Oh, I’d forgotten Matthew can be harsh when he needs to.  
  
 _“Sorry… It’s just that there are some… Disturbing thoughts in my head lately.”_ Well, that was not a lie.  
  
 _“What disturbing thoughts?”_  
  
 _“Eh… Stuff. You wouldn’t like to know,”_ Brilliant, Dominic. Just come up with something useful, you’re obviously lying!  
  
 _“Dominic, stop. I know you’re lying.”_  
  
 _“I was thinking about Dad,”_ No, no, no… You should not say that, Dom!  
  
 _“Oh,”_ his expression quickly changed, from angry to concerned, _“Dom… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you stupid. I’m sorry.”_ He placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.  
  
Is there a more appropriate word than ‘guilty’? Because I don’t know what else could express how I was feeling. Using the painful memories of my father was not something I would be proud of, but unfortunately, they were the first thing that popped into my stupid mind.  
  
I bit on my bottom lip and frowned. I should have come up with something else, _“I was not supposed to-”_  
  
 _“Shut up, Dom,”_ Matthew pulled me into a tight hug, softly pressing his lips against mine for a short moment before placing his head on my shoulder. _“I’m sorry… You should’ve told me earlier. You’re so melancholic lately. I had no idea,”_ he whispered.  
  
Why did he have to do that? Why? What’s the point of kissing me if there are no feelings involved? To comfort me? It doesn’t help anything...  
  
 _“Matt, I-”_  
  
 _“I told you to shut up, alright?”_ he covered my mouth with one of his hands, but kept hugging me. _“It’s gonna be okay…”_ Matt sighed and his hot breath tickled the skin of my neck.  
  
I don’t deserve him; he’s too good for me…  
  
***  
  
 _I’d not slept this well in a really long time. Everything felt so cosy and good… I felt the sunshine heating my body in a subtle way and all I could hear was calm, deep breathing. Still with my eyes closed – and not fully awake yet – I tried to move one of my hands and felt some sort of soft surface. Skin, to be more precise._  
  
 _As if it had life on its own, my hand carefully crept even further beneath what I suspected was clothes. I could even feel goosebumps forming on the skin I was touching, and its owner quietly stirred, grunting lowly._  
  
 _The noise certainly woke me and I opened my eyes to find Matthew sleeping right in front of me. In my arms. I mean, first, he was already waking too, judging by the way he was wriggling on the bed; second, we were both intertwined in each other’s arms with our legs tangled together._  
  
 _I held my breath. Oh, no no no! What?_  
  
 _I realised my hand was placed right on the exposed skin of his sides, over his ribs. Matthew had his arms wrapped around my neck and, when he tried to stretch with them still lacing my neck, he buried his face into my chest, exhaling loudly._  
  
 _And yes, I froze._  
  
 _In a matter of seconds, I felt Matt moving again, and the next thing I saw was his mussed brunet head turning up, so he could look directly into my eyes. I expected to see horror, disgust and discomfort. What I didn’t expect to see was the softening of his blue eyes, the contented smile and the melting of his body against mine._  
  
 _Then I heard him sighing and his body relaxed, scooting closer as if he was seeking a better position to accommodate himself._  
  
 _Oh, what’s happening?!_  
  
“Dom?”  
  
 _I need to leave, for god’s sake! This is not normal!_  
  
“Sorry!” _I didn’t think twice before disentangling myself from him, getting up from the bed in a hurry,_ “Oh, god! I’m so sorry! Sorry!”  
  
“Hey!” _Matt sat up on the mattress and looked at me, confused. What did I do to him?! He’ll hate me forever._  
  
“Shit! Sorry!” _I just fucked up our friendship! I hurried to the door of his bedroom and had just enough courage to glance back at him one last time before I left._  
  
 _And I saw him grinning._  
  
 _Why?! He was supposed to be disgusted with me!_  
  
 _Just… Why…?_  
  
***  
  
 _I tried to avoid Matthew throughout the morning. I just couldn’t be sure of what was going on. On leaving his bedroom, I went to my own and took a shower; then I decided to postpone meeting with Matthew, so I just spent the next hours watching telly – even if I was not really paying attention to what was being aired._  
  
 _Why I was avoiding him? Maybe it won’t make much sense, but truth is that I was confused about what was going on. First, we shouldn’t have kissed last night. I don’t know what the hell happened to us for that to have occurred. It was probably the alcohol's fault… Right? We had both been drunk and Matt must not have been aware of what he did. Actually, I don’t think he really remembered what we did last night. Otherwise he’d have shoved me off the bed in anger, or maybe even beaten me up? I have no idea how he would've reacted._  
  
 _But I was caught by surprise by his relaxed – and I must say almost ‘satisfied’ – expression. Yeah, he obviously didn't remember what had happened. Should I be happy about it? I think I should. At least he wouldn't come up with a bazillion questions which I couldn’t even answer._  
  
 _Whatever, though I was almost completely sure that Matt was not aware of the kiss from the last night, I was feeling uneasy about it. I’d better try to avoid any further contact with him for the next days, until I had settled my thoughts down a bit and figured out a way to handle the situation. But it’d be hard. I’d have to deal with the guilt of my act. I shouldn’t even have allowed him to drink – not even myself – but then I never could have expected us to end up kissing like that!_  
  
 _After some time, I felt my stomach rumbling and realised I had not had breakfast yet. I sighed in recognition of my own stupidity. Matt was probably starving like me right now as he obviously didn't know how to cook – he actually never knew. I switched off the television and took a deep breath, gathering courage to go downstairs and knowing the chances of finding Matthew in the way._  
  
 _Oh, god… I can only imagine him scrutinizing the inside of the refrigerator right now._  
  
 _Damn it!_  
  
 _I got up from my bed and stopped on my tracks when I heard footsteps outside my room. Who the fuck am I? A 12-year-old schoolgirl?! Stop panicking, Dom! You’re annoyingly overreacting._  
  
 _I put my hand on the door handle and turned it, slowly opening the door. I sneaked through the doorway and looked from one side to the other. No sign of Matthew._  
  
 _Sighing in relief, I tiptoed to the kitchen. Fortunately, Matt was not there either; but I saw an empty bowl over the counter and box of Corn Flakes beside it. It seemed like Matthew didn’t wait for me to give him breakfast. I couldn’t help smiling. That was a sign that I was wrong about his level of dependence. I don't know why I insisted on treating him like a child. Shame on me._  
  
 _I poured myself a glass of juice and prepared some toast. I had decided to eat upstairs in order to avoid Matt. But as the best laid plans often go awry, I bumped into Matt just as I was going around the corner leading to my room, spilling the orange juice all over his shirt._  
  
“Oh, no! I had just taken a shower!” _Matt whined._  
  
“God, I’m sorry!” _I apologised, placing the now empty juice glass and the plate with toast on the nearest corner table and hurrying back to check the ‘damage’ on Matt’s clothes._  
  
“It’s okay, Dom! Don’t worry,” _And the creature actually laughed at that situation! He had this painfully beautiful smile on his face while he smoothed the soaked spots on his shirt._  
  
“It’s not okay. I’ll wash this for you as soon as possible, it’ll get stained otherwise,” _I said, pointing to his shirt and then motioning with my hand for him to give me the dirty clothes._  
  
“Oh, do you want me to take off my shirt?” _Matthew quirked an eyebrow and smirked and I looked at him in confusion. Soon realisation struck me; sure that I was blushing, I finally realised what I was asking for._  
  
“N-no, no!” _I indiscreetly shook my head in denial,_ “You go back to your bedroom, change yourself there and give me the stained clothes!”  
  
“But why? Couldn’t I give you this shirt right now?” _He started to unbutton his shirt,_ “Much easier and quicker for you, isn’t it?” _And there he was, smiling, holding up his top and standing shirtless in front of me as if he was trying to tease me somehow; but he couldn’t do such a thing, could he? I mean, what would be his reasons? I’m just imagining things…_  
  
 _When I thought of grabbing his shirt and disappearing from his sight as soon as possible, my eyes caught sight of the faint scars along his sides. Fortunately, they were nothing big or deep; but still, they would never bring good memories._  
  
 _Also, I know I had seen Matthew like this before, shirtless – actually with no clothes at all – but that was a totally different situation and I didn’t pay attention to his scars. I just focused on helping him that day. And in the other days, yes, of course I noticed his scars, but today… I don’t know, they just caught my attention more than the usual._  
  
“Dom…?” _Matt called me out of my trance, a confused look on his face._  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Are they that scary?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You know, the scars,” _he placed a hand on his right side, smoothing the stigmatized pale skin there._  
  
“Oh, no, Matt!” _As if by instinct, I quickly landed my hand over his and he looked up at me, surprised. I felt a lump forming in my throat while we exchanged an empathic look._ “I have scars like those too,” _I said, withdrawing my hand and scratching my head._  
  
“Do you?”  
  
“Yeah, on my arm too,” _I folded the left sleeve of my shirt and showed him the almost imperceptible scars on my wrist._ “See?”  
  
“Oh… I’ve never noticed them…” _he carefully held my hand and analysed the light marks there, tracing them with his fingers, softly._ “I have this one too.” _Matt turned his back to me and ducked his head, lifting the hair on his nape and exposing the back of his neck. There was a noticeable scar there, which could be perfectly hidden by his hair._  
  
“I’ve not seen this one before,” _I said, gently holding his neck with one hand and brushing the thin line of scar with my thumb._  
  
 _I noticed the way his hair bristled and I moved away from him._  
  
“Well,” _I cleared my throat,_ “I need to wash your shirt.” _I changed the subject and Matthew turned to face me again, handing me the shirt. I muttered a ‘thanks’ and bolted to the laundry._  
  
***  
  
 _Avoiding Matthew during the whole week was not my intention, but after the incident that night, I found myself clueless about what I should do. I believe it was more his questions I was avoiding than Matt himself. I was afraid he would raise a topic in which I could get deeply embarrassed._  
  
 _I spent quite some time questioning myself about whether Matt remembered about that kiss. He kept behaving like there was nothing wrong so I assumed he didn’t remember it. To be honest, his behaviour indeed changed, but not in a bad way; quite the contrary, he has been very… Well, last night I was alone on the couch, watching a movie, until I heard footsteps and noticed Matt approaching the couch. He quickly asked if he could sit there too and I nodded, sitting straight. There were three more empty seats for him to pick from, and I don’t know why, but he chose the one right beside me. I swallowed hard and tried to focus my gaze only on the television._  
  
 _After a while I relaxed and decided to enjoy Matt’s presence, but as soon I noticed he was scooting closer to me and I felt his knee touching mine, I went into high alert state again._  
  
 _Call me crazy, paranoid, idiotic or whatever, but I was afraid and my fear might be irrational. I don’t know what to think, if Matt remembers the kiss, why would he act like this? If he doesn’t remember, again, why would he act like this? What does this sudden increase in closeness mean? Could it be just a natural move of his? Why?_  
  
 _God! So many questions! I wish I had the guts to ask him if he remembers or not! But I’m also afraid of his answer… I don’t want him to think that I’m using him or forcing situations between us. Another thing that worries me is that, if he finds out that I’ve been in love with him for a long time now, will he still believe me? Or would he think that all I’ve told him was a lie to make him trust me wholeheartedly to win his trust and then take advantage of his condition? I don’t know, I don’t know how he’d react! I don’t want to risk anything._  
  
 _During the whole week, Matthew’s new behaviour caught me by surprise, leaving me more confused than I already was. For instance, I swear to god that he’d even changed the way he looks at me and now I could distinguish sweet glances from him at me, not to mention the enchanted, lovesick smiles and the strange sudden need to be closer all the time, whether I was cooking, washing dishes, bathing Hendrix or whatever._  
  
 _That was very suspicious._  
  
 _Or whenever we had to pass each other in the hallway and Matt tapped on my shoulders or on my back… Or the day when I was going to take the dirty clothes to laundry, I dropped them on the floor and Matthew helped me to collect them, occasionally touching my hand in the process… Or when I was cooking for him and he approached from behind, placing a hand on my shoulder and inclining his face forward to take in on the flavour of the pasta and whisper how good it smelled…_  
  
 _I just have one question: why?_  
  
 _All those thoughts were what I had in mind during the week we spent and I only felt relieved when Chris, Tom, Morgan or any other of our friends came to visit us; after all, we didn’t live isolated from the world. Having a third person in the house helped to distract me._  
  
 _There was even this incident involving paparazzi. I had just woken up when I heard a eager knock on my door and Matt entered my room right away, saying something about people outside with cameras and microphones. I looked outside through the window and saw many paps surrounding Matt’s house. I warned him that we should stay indoors until they went away, but I called Chris, Tom and Dom A. to help us. Matt and I spent quite a while in my bedroom, lurking outside every now and then. I don’t even need to mention the awkward silence and Matt’s insistence on staying close to me._  
  
 _That week we also went to visit his mum in the hospital twice and every time he ended up holding my hand, squeezing it gently… But I understand that those situations have nothing to do with my paranoid thoughts._  
  
 _And today… Well, right now I’m laying on couch, reading a book and the last time I saw Matt, he was playing with Hendrix on the garden. Everything is finally peaceful and relaxing…_  
  
 _Well, it was until I heard my phone buzzing. I sighed in boredom, read the screen and picked up the call._  
  
“Hey, Chris.”  
  
“Dom, are you busy right now?” _he said in a rush._  
  
“Oh, hm, no. Why? Is everything okay?” _I sat up, shutting the book and placing it on the coffee table._  
  
“Can you come here? It’s very important. Kelly’s mum got sick and we’re gonna take her to the emergency.”  
  
“What?!” _I quickly stood up, as worried as Chris sounded, sought my keys and went outside,_ “I’m on my way.” _Hanging up, I spotted Matt sitting under a tree and petting Hendrix on his lap._ “Matthew!” _I called out, striding towards him._  
  
“Hm?” _he looked up at me, stopping petting Hendrix’s head._  
  
“We need to go, it’s an emergency!”  
  
“What? Why? What happened?” _Standing up with the dog in his arms, Matt asked._  
  
“Kelly’s mum got sick and Chris asked us to come to his place,” _I promptly explained._  
  
“Oh, no!”  
  
“We have to hurry, c’mon!” _we hurried to my car._  
  
***  
  
“Do you guys think you can deal with it?” _Kelly asked in a hurry as she helped Chris to lead her mother inside the car._  
  
“You don’t need to worry about us, Kelly,” _I said._  
  
“We’ll take care of them as if they were our own children,” _Matthew completed and I cast him a curious glance before looking back to Kelly and Chris._  
  
“We’re so sorry for asking something like this from you guys. I know it’s inconvenient, given the circumstances...” _Chris was obviously talking about me, as I was already taking care of Matthew. Would I be able to cope with more three human beings under my supervision? I would try my best, I’d do it for Chris and Kelly._  
  
 _They didn’t take long to leave, leaving only Matthew, Hendrix and I. Yeah, Matt actually brought Hendrix with us. Oh, and the kids were still sleeping, but they probably would wake soon. It was already lunch time and they should be starving._  
  
 _We were going to… babysit?! Yeah, it seems like that. We were going to babysit Alfie, Ava and Frankie for the next hours. I knew these kids very well and all I can say was, 10, 8 and 6-year-old children can do the same amount of damage as a small army. Or even much worse… Kelly ended up taking Ernie with her, since he’s just too young._  
  
 _Matt sounded very excited about his new experience. Poor thing. I bet he wouldn’t be happy like this if he remembered what these kids could do. But maybe staying with them for a while was going to be useful, like a therapy, both for me and for Matt. He would interact more with them, relearn about them; and I would replace my current worries for something else._  
  
 _I’m sure things will be okay._  
  
 _Right…?_  
  
***  
  
“Alfred, come back here!” _I heard Matt calling out, followed by footsteps. They were obviously running around the house._  
  
“NO!” _A piercing childish shout came from the boy._  
  
“MY DOLL!” _A loud whimper from Ava._  
  
 _Oh, and Frankie just started crying hysterically._  
  
“Dom!” _Matt called me._  
  
“What?” _I sighed, couldn’t interrupt my current task. Cooking._  
  
“Dom!” _Again. I think he didn’t hear me._  
  
“Oh, my...” _I sighed again, taking off the apron I was wearing until then and turned off the stove. We had decided that I’d prepare the lunch while Matt would_ try _to keep an eye on the kids, but it was easier said than done._  
  
 _I went to the living room, where the screams and cries came,_ “What happened?” _I asked as soon as I caught sight of Matt holding Frankie in one arm only and trying to separate Alfred and Ava with the other._  
  
 _Frankie’s face was completely red, tears streaming down from his eyes and he simply couldn’t stop crying. Alfie was holding a headless doll in one hand and… Oh, look! The missing head was in his other hand. Ava had a deflated plastic ball in her hands, a dropped pen at her feet and was shouting back at her brother._  
  
 _Screams._  
  
 _Cries._  
  
 _More screams._  
  
 _More cries..._  
  
“Enough!” _I said, firmly, in a loud tone, making everyone look at me with surprised faces. Even Frankie stopped crying._ “For god’s sake, could someone explain to me what’s going on here?!” _I put my hands on my hips and waited for their answer._  
  
“It’s his fault!”  
  
“It’s her fault!” _Ava and Alfie said at the same time, pointing at each other._  
  
“Matt, what happened?” _I crossed my arms._  
  
“Oh, hm, Alfie ripped off the doll’s head and Ava stabbed his toy ball with a pen,” _he shifted the weight of Frankie in his arms and looked down at the other two._  
  
“Why did you rip the head off your sister’s doll?” _I glanced at Alfred, who chose to stare at his shoes instead. I crouched to stay in his height._ “So?” _I asked calmly._  
  
“I did it because Ava hid my ball...” _the boy muttered to himself and I turned to face Ava, who also was with her head down._  
  
“Is it true?” _The girl only nodded._ “And why did you do that?” _she shook her head._ “And what you did was right?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“What about you, Alfred?” _I looked back at the boy._ “Was that right?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Well,” _I stood up again and crossed my arms over my chest,_ “apologize to each other. You’re siblings and shouldn’t fight like this.” _They looked hesitant at first, but soon gave in on the peeve and followed my advice._ “Good!” _I smiled,_ “We can go buy new toys after lunch.”  
  
“Really?!” _They looked at me hopefully and I nodded. Even Matt looked surprised and I promised a toy for Frankie, too._  
  
“Thank you, Uncle Howie!” _Alfie said with sparkling eyes._  
  
“Howie, uh?” _Matthew repeated mostly to himself, a smile on his lips._ “Cute,” _he chuckled._  
  
 _And I blushed. As usual._  
  
***  
  
 _As I had promised, I took the kids (and Matt) to the toy store. We took different paths, Matt and Ava went down an aisle while Alfie, Frankie and I went down another one. Chris called me in the meanwhile saying that he was not sure if they could return in the same day; Kelly’s mum was under observation._  
  
“I’m sorry, Dom. I’ve been trying to call Tom or Dom A. since this morning, but they don’t answer the calls… I don’t even know what they’re doing. And as it was an emergency, you and Matt were the only ones I could trust with my kids. Not that I don’t trust you guys! It’s just that I didn’t want to give you more responsibilities, you know? You’re already-”  
  
“Hey, Chris! It’s alright. Really, I said you don’t need to worry about us! We’re doing well. Right now I’m in a toy store with the kids, we will visit the park and go back home,” _I said while I observed Frankie and Alfie choosing their new toys._  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Yep!”  
  
“Thank you so much, mate… I don’t know how to thank you.”  
  
“You don’t have to,” _I smiled,_ “That’s what friends are for, right?”  
  
“Still, thank you. Also, you guys will need to sleep at my place and there’s a guest room next the children’s. There are two beds.”  
  
“Oh, that’s perfect then!” _Matt and I sleeping in the same room…? Challenging!_  
  
“Alright, now I really have to go. Take care, okay?” _he hung up the call._  
  
“Dom, Dom!” _I looked back and found Matt running towards me with a middle-sized box in his hands._  
  
“Oh, my god… What’s that, Matt?!”  
  
“Look how nice this thing looks!” _he said cheerfully, showing me an_[ _Alien vs. Predator_](http://www.entertainmentearth.com/images/AUTOIMAGES/MF17710Alg.jpg) _action figure._  
  
“Oh… Cool. Is it for Ava? I don’t think she likes these kind of things.”  
  
“No, no, no! It’s for me!” _he grinned and I couldn’t help laughing._ “What?”  
  
“Nothing, it’s just that… I don’t know, this,” _I pointed to the action figure._ “this is so you...”  
  
“What?! Do you think I look like this?!” _Matt wrinkled his nose and I chuckled._  
  
“Of course you don’t! What I meant was that you have always been interested in aliens and stuff.”  
  
“Really?” _he blinked a few times, looking surprised._ “That’s cool then!”  
  
“Yeah...”  
  
“Uncle Bells,” _Ava approached us cradling a pretty rag doll in her arms._ “Can I take this one?”  
  
“Hm...” _he quickly glanced at me as if he was waiting for my approval and I nodded, smiling._ “Yeah, sure! Why not?” _Matthew stroked her hair and the girl giggled._  
  
 _Once the children have chosen their new toys, we left the store and I drove to the park near Chris’ house. The park was a beautiful, quiet place, with a pond in the middle crossed by a small wooden bridge where it was possible to see a few people observing the fish in the limpid water. There were those who preferred to walk or ride a bike on a trail around the pond, just as there were the ones who opted to sit on the stone benches and watch their surroundings._  
  
 _It was a very familiar place, with groups of people picnicking on the grass and even walking their dogs. Seeing those dogs made me think of Hendrix. Too bad we couldn’t take him with us this time._  
  
 _We spent around an hour there. I played frisbee (Alfred’s new toy) with Frankie and Alfie while Matt and Ava chose to sit on one of those stone benches and watch us having fun. It was nice to see Matt and Ava chatting; he has always been Ava’s favourite uncle. I’m glad to know that at least their connection hadn’t vanished._  
  
 _For the first time in that week, I forgot all my concerns and enjoyed the time with the kids._  
  
 _Not long before we left the park, there was this time when I threw the disc and waited for one of the boys to throw me back. I got distracted by Matthew, who was watching the fish with Ava on the wooden bridge. He looked so happy… So beautiful… Smiling and laughing._  
  
 _I love the way that dimples form at the corner of his mouth whenever he smiles._  
  
 _But my quick observation cost me a bump on the head after being hit by the flying disc._  
  
 _Eh, I actually collapsed on the ground and the next thing I remember was Matt and the kids near me, asking if I was okay. Matt touched the bump on my head and I hissed. Apologizing, he stood up and held up a hand to help me. I also remember Ava saying something about kissing it better, but no! Just no!_  
  
 _Before going back home, Matthew decided to buy ice cream for all. I was surprised when he brought me a chocolate one because that’s my favourite flavour. I thought that maybe that was a simple coincidence, since chocolate is the favourite flavour of many people; but when I asked which one he had chosen, I changed my mind._  
  
“The guy told me it’s something called dulce de leche, I don’t know. It tastes really good though!” _he said._  
  
 _Guessing right both of our favourite ice creams could not be a simple coincidence._  
  
***  
  
 _The rest of the day went peacefully, without any other fights between the kids. We just spent more time together, we had a quick snack, watched a movie, played with Hendrix and before we knew it, it was already night. I ordered pizza for dinner and the kids were very happy with the idea; Ava was the only one who was hesitant at first, she said that if it was her mum, she wouldn’t allow them to have pizza at that time of night._  
  
 _It was just after I had made sure the final child was in the shower that I realised that Matt and I had a bit of a dilemma. When we had left home, we had no idea how long we were going to be caught up in the babysitting caper. So of course, we hadn’t even thought about packing a change of clothes or any sleepwear… I didn’t get a great deal of time to consider it just then as Frankie burst in demanding a bedtime story._  
  
 _I was not too inclined at first, but when I heard Matt’s happy agreement, I looked surprised at him._ “Do you even remember any fairy tale?” _I whispered to him while the kids were celebrating the forthcoming storytelling._  
  
“Fairy tale?” _he tilted his head to one side, frowning in confusion. How the heck did he agree with something he doesn’t even know how to do?_  
  
“Uncle Bells, please could you read this book?!” _Frankie asked cheerfully, grabbing a book from the nightstand._  
  
 _A book? Yeah, it may work._  
  
 _We were in the room the boys share and both of them went to their respective beds. Matt and I dragged two pouffes near their beds while Ava decided to sit on the edge of Alfie’s mattress. She said she couldn’t sleep listening to stories._  
  
 _I’m a man in my thirties and, to be honest, I’d never drifted off to sleep after or during a storytelling, but the sound of Matthew’s voice was so relaxing and peaceful that no one could resist it._  
  
 _He managed to say things clearly, in a hypnotizing, quiet flow. It sounded like he was singing but with no musical rhythm; it was just the natural music that his voice could produce. Saying that he sounded like an angel might be too cliché, but I just can’t find another proper statement._  
  
 _While the kids were quieting down, falling asleep, Matt’s voice came down to a discreet whisper. Leaning my back against the wall, I continued listening to him and soon I felt my eyes growing tired and my eyelids heavier than they should. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, slowly drifting off, but I still could hear my surroundings. I even heard the end of the story. Even if I was supposed to get up by that time, I gave in to the tiredness; the pouffe and the wall suddenly felt the most comfortable things on the world._  
  
 _Silence fell on the room, but I heard Ava’s low, sweet voice asking,_ “Is there something wrong, Uncle Bells?”  
  
“Hm? Why do you ask?”  
  
“Mommy and Daddy said you were sick, that’s why you spent some time in the hospital.”  
  
“Oh… Yeah, I was kinda sick...”  
  
“I hope everything is okay.”  
  
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” _I swear I could distinguish him smiling just by the tone of his voice._  
  
“Whenever I’m sick, Mommy snuggles me and I always feel a lot better.” _The last thing I remember was hearing her yawning and wishing Matt a good night._  
  
 _I don’t know how long I stayed asleep, but the feeling of something brushing against my hair and then my face certainly woke me up._  
  
 _And just to find a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring at me, sweetly, along with a lovely smile on Matt’s face. He continued to stroke my cheek with his thumb. Was that a dream?_  
  
“Hey, you fell asleep,” _he chuckled._  
  
 _He abandoned my face and walked towards the door, stopping in the doorway and looking back at me over his shoulders. Smiling._  
  
“Let’s go to our bedroom.”  
  
 _Is it possible for a heart to beat as fast as mine is doing right now?_  
  
 _I immediately stood up from the pouffe where I was sitting and followed Matt, closing the boys’ door. In our bedroom there were two queen size beds, a nightstand in the middle of them with a lampshade on it. When I thought we would finally rest, I recalled the clothes problem again._  
  
“What the matter?” _Matt asked, already toeing off his shoes as he sat on the edge of the bed._  
  
“We can’t sleep in these clothes when we have to wear them again tomorrow.”  
  
“But why not?”  
  
“They’re soiled, Matt. We played in the park, with Hendrix, we sweated… They’ll also be all gross to put on the morning. Don’t you think it’s disgusting?” _I wrinkled my nose._  
  
“Eh, I don’t know...?”  
  
“You don’t know or you don’t care, piggy?” _I teased._  
  
“I’m not a pig!”  
  
“Whatever,” _I shook my head, chuckling._  
  
“So, what are we going to do? Borrow some of Chris’ clothes?”  
  
“Oh, no, no. I don’t think we should. I mean, yeah, you and I have always been borrowing each other’s clothes, but with Chris it’s different.”  
  
“Have we?” _he quirked an eyebrow, looking curious._  
  
“Uh, yeah, but only because we are the same size and-” _I cleared my throat, sure that my face had just flushed,_ “So, we can’t sleep in these clothes, we can’t borrow from Chris, I’m tired as fuck so I’m not going to drive home right now just to get some spare clothes...” _Tapping my chin I tried to figure out a solution for the problem._  
  
 _But then an unexpected idea popped into my mind. No, no, no! ‘That’ was not an option! Sleeping in the soiled clothes maybe was not that disgusting, right?_  
  
 _Oh, no… I can’t stand the thought of having dirty clothes clinging to my body. How gross! But… How will I tell Matt that we’re going to sleep in ‘that’ way…?_  
  
“Dom?” _Matthew brought my attention back to him._  
  
“Eh… Matt, I need to, uh, tell you something,” _I rubbed the back of my neck. What should I do?!_  
  
“What?” _he stood up and stepped closer to me._  
  
“Well, hm… Eh, you know, we have problem with our clothes, right?” _he nodded._ “So… How do I say it?” _I asked more to myself than to Matt._  
  
“Say what?”  
  
“For lack of choice,” _I emphasised these words,_ “I think that… W-we should… Please, Matthew. Listen to me first, I have an explanation for this idea. Don’t hate me after-”  
  
“Dom, just say it!”  
  
 _I bit on my thumb and looked away, trying to focus on anything but Matt while I told him,_ “I think we should sleep only in our boxers, because you know, I said our clothes are soiled and it’s extremely gross and ungraceful to sleep with- God!” _I yelped when I looked back at Matt again and found him stripping off his shirt without thinking twice or questioning me._  
  
“What?” _he stopped taking off the shirt which was hanging on his arms now, exposing the slightly marked alabaster skin of his chest and his bony shoulders. My eyes landed onto his sharp collarbones and-_ “Dom, are you okay?” _he gently asked as he finished stripping off the shirt, clumsily folding it and placing onto the recamier of his bed._  
  
“N-nothing, I-I just… uh,” _I tried, I really tried to turn away to give him privacy to take off his clothes, but I just couldn’t help glancing at him every now and then when he started undoing his belt, unzipping his trousers and letting them fall on the floor, revealing a pair of beautiful, pale, slim legs, narrow hips, protruding hipbones alongside his navel and a sparse amount of dark hair below it._  
  
 _The sight of Matt only in navy-blue boxers was something I was not psychologically prepared to see tonight, and I should be careful about the effect it could have on me- Oh, wait, the effect it IS having on me right now._  
  
 _I felt guilty for feeling turned on in that situation and when I realised I indeed had a boner, I mumbled an apology and hurried to the bathroom, but quickly glanced at Matt when I was about to close the bathroom door. He looked confused at me before lowering his gaze and arching his eyebrows in surprise._  
  
 _Shit! Did he just see ‘that’?! Did he?! Oh, shit, shit! What the hell will I explain him now?_  
  
 _I counted on luck and left the bathroom - now only in my boxers too - in the moment I thought he had already gone to sleep. But I found him looking at his bed, arms crossed over his chest._  
  
“W-what happened?” _I asked._  
  
“I can’t sleep here, Dom. Look,” _and then he showed me a big wet orange spot on the mattress._  
  
“What’s that?!”  
  
“I think it was one of the children. It looks like orange juice.”  
  
“Aw, no! Where are you going to sleep now?”  
  
“With you, obviously!” _he snorted._  
  
“W-with me?!” _What?! Matt and I, sleeping in the same bed, wearing nothing but boxers…?! WHAT?!_  
  
“Yeah, your bed is big enough! C’mon, don’t be mean!” _Smiling, he went straight to my bed and slipped beneath the sheets._  
  
“I-I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ll sleep in your bed then.”  
  
“No way! It’s wet, wouldn’t you find it disgusting?”  
  
“But-”  
  
“C’mon, Dom!” _he sighed and patted the empty space beside him._  
  
 _Oh, god. Is it even happening for real?! My head injury from earlier was that powerful to make me imagine things? It’s easier to face this situation as just a product of my imagination because this doesn’t feel like reality._  
  
 _Hesitantly, I climbed on the bed, quickly covering myself with the sheets._  
  
 _The same sheets Matt was sharing with me._  
  
 _As I tried to relax and lay with my back to Matt, I felt the warm, soft skin of his legs brushing against mine while he was shifting positions on bed, getting comfortable. My first reaction was to curl up, dragging my knees up, trying to avoid any contact with him before I went crazy once and for all._  
  
 _We wished to each other goodnight and Matt turned off the lamp._  
  
 _Trying to relax with half-naked Matthew laying in the same bed as me was not tranquilizing; quite the contrary, I could only feel my muscles tense and I couldn’t close my eyes for long too. Soon I felt Matt placing a hand on my shoulder, shaking me slightly. I didn’t understand why he did that. Did he need something?_  
  
 _I lazily turned to face him, a questioning look on my face, and I didn’t even have the chance to ask what happened when I saw Matt ducking his face and felt him pressing a soft kiss to my forehead._  
  
 _I lost the ability to speak and move, and all I could do was stare at him with wide eyes, completely caught off guard by his last move. In the other hand, Matt only smiled._  
  
“W-what...” _I tried to say._  
  
“Better?” _he asked and I looked even more confused at him. What did he mean?_  
  
“B-better…?! W-what are you-” _I probably sounded frightened, judging by Matt’s chuckle._  
  
“Yeah, the bump on your head. Does it still hurt?” _he touched my forehead, smoothing the skin there with his thumb._ “The kids said someone should kiss it better. Did it work?” _If it worked?! Can I… I don’t know, if this is not real, can I just hug and kiss him ‘till dawn? No, better, ‘till forever. Can I do it?_  
  
“It did,” _I replied in a whisper._  
  
“Great! Have a good night, Dom,” _he happily said, placing a last kiss to my cheek before turning away, his back to me._  
  
“Good… night...” _I touched with two fingers where he had kissed me and watched him drifting off to sleep, peacefully. Like an angel._  
  
 _Falling asleep was an easier task now, especially when I could vividly remember his lips touching my skin, sweetly._  
  
***


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"You want a revelation, some kind of resolution"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended. The summary corresponds to verses from the song ["No Light No Light"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGH-4jQZRcc), by Florence + The Machine. 
> 
> Thank you very much for all the support and I hope you can still enjoying this story <3
> 
> (During flashbacks, conversations are in italics and narrative is regular)

 

_ “It feels so good, Dom,” _ Matt uttered, giggling, _“and it also tickles!”_   
  
_ “What? The sand?” _ I asked, smiling and moving a long lock of my blond hair away from my eyes. It was a sunny, windy day and Matt and I had decided to go to the beach; but the strong breeze had been a pain in the arse since we’d arrived.   
  
_ “Of course. What else feels good and tickles?” _ With a smirk playing on his lips, he turned to face me, lazily punching me in the arm.   
  
_ “I don’t know! Many things,” _ we laughed and kept walking towards the shore. Observing our surroundings, I noticed the beach was not very crowded.   
  
_ “Such as…” _ he started, leaving the rest for me to complete.   
  
_ “Oh, uh, such as kissing…?” _   
  
_ “Does kissing tickle?!” _ he cackled, making fun of me, _“Did it tickle when I kissed you-”_ I hurried to cover his mouth with my hand, muffling his laughter.   
  
_ “Shut up!” _ I whined. _“No one needs to know!”_ I let go of him and noticed his red face.   
  
_ “Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring back bad memories for you,” _ He laughed even louder.   
  
_ “Idiot…” _   
  
We stopped walking as soon as our feet sank into the wet sand that marked the waves’ reach. The sea was a couple of metres ahead of us. I quickly glanced back over my shoulders just to see our footprints in the sand and, I don’t know why, but I felt warm, butterflies going wild in my stomach.   
  
Because those were Matt’s footprints and mine. Side by side.   
  
Actually, that was a silly feeling and I was sure it would pass soon. Well, that was what I thought until I turned my head back to Matt just in time to watch him closing his eyes and slowly throwing his head back, a subtle smile on his lips.   
  
He looked so calm and serene, his hair being blown by the wind. My eyes traced down his exposed pale neck and landed on his shirt-clad chest moving up and down every time he breathed in.   
  
_ “Is there something wrong with my chest, Dom?” _ Matt’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I promptly shook my head, feeling my face heating as I found him smiling at me.   
  
_ “N-no! Uh… I was just- Eh, I like your new Nirvana t-shirt,” _ I made up and scratched the back of my neck, looking away from his face and hearing him chuckling.   
  
_ “Well this shirt you like so much is about to get soaked. C’mon, Dom!” _ he took me by the hand and dragged me to the water.   
  
I didn’t even have time to protest.   
  
***   
  
_ Remember that time, when I said that I would like that Matt’s face could be the first thing I would see every day for the rest of my life? Oddly, it’s becoming more and more usual. _   
  
_ This time though, we were completely sober, yet we had still decided to sleep together last night; mostly because he insisted, but also because I just couldn’t refuse his suggestion. And now that I stopped to think more clearly, I did have a choice. I could have slept in another guest room, I could have changed the sheets of the damp bed. Also about the clothes issue. I could have just slept in the soiled ones I was wearing at the time; even if that was not the best decision, it was the most rationally acceptable choice. _   
  
_ But no. Instead, I accepted sleeping with him, I accepted taking off my clothes. Deep inside that was what I really expected because I just wanted to drift off to sleep knowing that Matthew was there too, beside me, and it was his own choice. I was so blinded by my primal desires that had concluded that the only solution for dealing with our dirty clothes was going to bed with none. _   
  
_ What did I have in mind? What was I expecting in the end? _   
  
_ Maybe it was time to call Tom and ask for help. I remember, in the hospital when Matt had just woken up from the coma, that he offered to help in Matt’s recovery. That was probably the right thing to do at this moment. Staying with Matt was a constant temptation. He’s like a jewel that will never belong to me. He’s a star that I can’t reach. _   
  
_ Sighing in defeat, I decided that it was time to get up, take a shower, clear my mind and realise that this was not the end of the world; although it was equally as painful. _   
  
_ But just when I started to wriggle in the bed to disengage myself from the sheets, I felt something warm being pressed against the centre of my chest. I stopped moving and looked down to catch sight of Matt’s hand. _   
  
_ He had been laying on his stomach, one hand on each side of his head, but had shifted this one onto my chest. My eyes landed on his bare back, the sheets covering his frame only to his lower back; my gaze rising up his body until I noticed quiet, azure eyes staring at me. _   
  
_ The Dom from yesterday would’ve panicked by this time, rushing to apologise and getting out of the bed in a millisecond. The Dom from today just watched the way those hypnotic irises searched my face, looking very interested. _   
  
_ We both remained silent as Matt moved his hand, placing it over the left side of my chest, right on top of my heart. He wriggled closer and I could now feel the heat of his whole arm resting on my stomach and his sides pressing against mine. Goosebumps formed on my skin, my eyes never leaving Matt’s. _   
  
_ Surely my heart was beating madly, I could feel it nearly coming out of my chest. Matt certainly noticed it too. It was then that he propped up on his free elbow –  and now he was practically hovering over me – took one of my hands and placed it on his chest while our gazes were still locked. _   
  
_ His heart was beating as fast as mine. _   
  
“Hi,” _he whispered, sounding a bit nervous._   
  
“H-hi…” _What were we doing?_   
  
“Why does this always happen?” _he asked, but I just frowned in confusion._   
  
“What?”   
  
“This,” _still holding my hand, he pressed it even more firmly against his chest, making me feel more of his skin and the uncontrolled beats of his heart._   
  
_ What does he mean…? _   
  
_ I opened my mouth, ready to ask something, but I couldn’t organize my thoughts to ask a proper question. I just kept looking at him. _   
  
“And it’s happening to you too,” _leaving my hand, he placed his on my chest once again,_ “See?” _A faint smile._   
  
_ I was still speechless, I couldn’t look away from him. I’d been swallowed by the depth and hope of his eyes, that shade of blue that couldn’t be put in words. That indescribable shade of blue that only belongs to Matthew. _   
  
_ Soon I realised that his face was just a few inches of mine. My eyes were fluctuating from his own to his parted lips. _   
  
“Matt…” _I finally said. He stopped getting closer and I swear I could distinguish a disappointed look in his eyes. What was that?_   
  
“What?” _he sounded afraid of my answer._   
  
_ Oh… I get it now, I guess. Would it be possible for him to be afraid of my rejection? Because I was always fleeing, avoiding certain situations and, when we kissed that night, I said that was not a good idea. I was always ignoring the reality, I’d been blind and couldn’t face what was happening. _   
  
_ Scepticism usually took control over my mind and blinded me to the truth right before my eyes, twisting it into an illusion that I could ignore. _   
  
_ Why couldn’t I just accept the fact that I might be wrong? Why would it be so hard to believe? _   
  
“Dom…?” _his voice was weak and wavering, still waiting for my answer._   
  
_ It was my decision now. _   
  
_ The hand that was still on Matt’s chest headed up to his shoulder, smoothing the skin there, and continued its way to his neck, my fingers reaching his nape and slowly caressing that area. Matt squirmed at my touch and goose bumps appeared on his pale skin. _   
  
_ I swallowed before continuing; anticipating a sign that indicated that Matt was unwilling to proceed. Said sign never happened. Then I carefully pulled him down, our faces now perfectly aligned, closing the gap between us. Our shaky breaths mingled together as our mouths approached each other’s; the tip of his nose and his forehead were now pressing against mine. _   
  
_ He closed his eyes, and so did I. _   
  
_ It was in my hands now, the decision to keep going or not. _   
  
_ Without pausing to consider potential regret, I barely moved my face forward before our lips touched, briefly. Again. And again. _   
  
_ Matthew melted against my body, not hesitating to rest his weight on my frame. His warmth was inviting, welcoming; and so were his sweet, moist lips. It didn’t take long until I felt Matt’s tongue nudging my mouth, begging for entrance. I gladly obliged. A jolt of electricity passing through my body as he slipped his tongue in, slowly moving it, exploring every inch, every corner he could. _   
  
_ My other hand that was not holding his neck landed on his back, and we were now wrapped in each other’s arms, our bodies pressed against each other’s in a tight hug. _   
  
_ The sheets that were previously covering us slipped off the bed as we rolled, Matt now beneath me. He hooked one leg on my waist when we parted to catch breath, and I started placing wet kisses on his face and his neck, dragging my lips down to the dip between his collarbones. I felt his chest heaving along with his erratic breath. _   
  
_ He let out a low grunt as I kissed his jawline, squeezing himself against my body. I looked down and found his eyes shut, crimson cheeks and parted lips, as I admired the perfection of his being. I loved Matthew so much, I truly loved him and now he’ was here with me. We were not drunk, this was not an accident or a joke. _   
  
_ It was happening. Finally. It was real. _   
  
“Matt,” _I said, panting._   
  
“What?” _whispering, he opened his eyes. I licked my lips before pressing a sweet kiss on his; I moved away just enough to look into his blue eyes again._   
  
“We need to talk.”   
  
_ I watched the frown form on his face, but I didn’t want him to be afraid of what we were going to discuss. I smiled reassuringly and cupped his face with one hand, brushing my thumb lightly on his cheek. The frown subtly vanished from his face and Matt threaded one hand into my hair, caressing my scalp. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his long fingers massaging my head. _   
  
_ I lowered my head, intending to resume our previous kissing session, but that was when I heard a knock on the door. _   
  
_ Suddenly, realisation struck me and my head was thrown back to reality. How the hell had I forgotten where we are and the whole situation that had led us here?! _   
  
_ I widened my eyes and Matt looked at me, equally bewildered. The knock repeated and this time it was followed by a friendly voice _ , “Dom, Matt? Are you guys there?” _It was Tom._   
  
“Oh, shit!” _I hurried to get out of the bed, looking for our clothes that were folded over the recamier._   
  
“Is that Tom?” _Matt asked, whispering, as he stood up and I threw him his trousers and shirt._   
  
“Yeah, it sounds like him.”   
  
“Guys, I’m gonna come in!” _Tom said when I was finishing buttoning up my shirt._   
  
“Fuck!” _I muttered,_ “Hold on!” _I shouted and looked back at Matt. He had just finished setting his collar and nodded to me. I went to the door and opened it,_ “Hey, Tom, buddy! Good morning!” _I smiled nervously and Tom quirked an eyebrow, looking suspiciously at me and then over my shoulders, surely staring at Matt._   
  
“What are you guys up to?” _he folded his arms over his chest._   
  
“N-nothing! We were just getting ready to go downstairs and prepare the breakfast!”   
  
“I see…” _he narrowed his eyes and an awkward silence fell on the room. I could feel I was about to break out in a cold sweat, but suddenly Tom’s face changed, a large grin on his face and a playful gleam in his eyes,_ “You guys...” _Laughing, he patted my shoulders and I tried to laugh along with him. Tom is crazy, what the hell is he doing?_ “C’mon, Matt!” _he gestured for Matt to approach us._ “Aren’t you guys hungry? Let’s take the kids out to have breakfast.”   
  
“Sure, sure! Just let me get my wallet.”   
  
***   
  
_ That uncomfortable atmosphere hung over us during the whole morning and it was not even because what had happened between Matt and I earlier, but because of Tom. I don’t know why, but I felt a pang in my stomach, something close to a feeling of guilt for hiding from him what he had just interrupted. _   
  
“So, what are you doing here, Tom?” _Matthew asked awkwardly, as we sat in a booth inside the Café with the kids._   
  
“Oh, Jaclyn and I were out of the city yesterday. I got a new camera and wanted to take some pictures of nature and-”   
  
“Eh, Tom.” _I interrupted him._   
  
“Sorry, sorry!” _he apologetically smiled before continuing,_ “I only checked my phone again when I was back to town, saw eighteen calls from Chris and called him back. He told me about the emergency and that he was going to ask me to look after his children, but since I hadn’t called him back, he asked you guys. I confess I’m still surprised seeing you two alive,” _he actually whispered the last line, winking, but Alfie heard Tom and nudged him with his elbow._ “What did I do?” _Tom faked unawareness, but couldn’t hold back a giggle._   
  
_ We spent some time more at the Café and in the end Tom suggested that Matt and I should go back home. Not to Chris' though, but to Matt's. At first I felt anxious about that suggestion. It's not like I didn't have anything to worry about, being alone with Matt again. I really didn't know what to expect from now on, how I should act, what I should say. Things were not clear and kept getting more and more confusing.  _   
  
_ Tom made a quick reminder that we were still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and we didn't even take a shower. Oh, well... He was right! How disgusting and unexpected from someone like me! Tom told us to go home one more time. I looked at Matt, trying to see if he was uncomfortable with the idea, but he was so distracted talking to the kids that he just nodded in response to Tom when he quickly told him that we should come back.  _   
  
_ I wonder if Matt ever paid attention to Tom.  _   
  
_ Whatever, we ended up saying good bye to the children and wishing Tom good luck in dealing with them.  _   
  
_ *** _   
  
_ Once we were back at Matt’s place, I couldn’t help feeling awkward around him. Not after what had happened that morning. Throughout the whole day, he hadn’t mentioned a single word about the kiss or acted like there was anything different between us. That’s what made me surprised. It seemed like everything was still the same. _   
  
_ At least on Matt’s behalf. _   
  
_ The night went surprisingly well, without any awful event. Matt actually offered to help prepare the dinner, saying that he’d try his best not to break anything or get cut again. I smiled weakly at him and nodded, inviting him to stir the tomato sauce with a wooden spoon. Fortunately, he didn’t set fire on his house or get any sort of burn. _   
  
_ It was a nice moment and, despite my initial nervousness, it turned out to be a good time spent while we made a few jokes or recalled our time with the kids. We ate our meal in a comfortable silence and Matt helped me to wash the dishes. _   
  
_ Well, he did drop one glass, but no one is perfect, right? _   
  
_ And now I’m here, in bed, waiting for a peaceful sleep to claim me. As it could be expected, I found myself distracted by some thoughts about the latest happenings in my life. I started reconsidering the things I’d done that morning; they truly expressed my real feelings and I acted accordingly to how I wanted to act. But now I wondered if that had been a good move. _   
  
_ To be honest, I regret nothing; so what was the point in pondering over what I’d done? Maybe I had spent so much time suppressing my real feelings and wishes and now I was trying to convince myself that what I had done was wrong. It was pointless thinking so. That didn’t feel wrong. _   
  
_ I should stop worrying so much. _   
  
_ As soon as I sighed, I heard a faint knock at the door of my bedroom.  _ “Come in,” _I said as I sat up._   
  
_ Even though the lights were off when he opened the door, I still could see Matt’s brunet head looking from one side to the other, trying to spot me inside my dark room. How stupid am I? I giggled and turned on the lampshade on my nightstand. _ “Sorry for all the darkness,” _I apologised with a smile._   
  
“Hey,” _Matt was already wearing his pajamas; a grey long sleeved shirt and loose trousers. When he lifted his arm to rub the back of his neck, I was able to see the waistband of his boxers plus a tiny bit of the exposed pale skin of his stomach._   
  
“Are you okay?”   
  
“Yeah… Just want to talk.” _his eyes wavered from my face to the floor._   
  
“Oh, sure!” _I patted the empty side of my bed,_ “Sit here.”   
  
_ Well, where did all this sudden self-control come from, Dom? _   
  
_ Matt obliged and sat at the edge of the mattress, obviously not wanting to get any closer. I was worried for one moment. What if he regretted what had happened this morning? Would he be afraid of me and want me out of his house tomorrow? _   
  
“Why?” _It was the only thing he said, still not looking at me._   
  
“W-what…?” _I asked, concerned._   
  
“Why so much fear?” _he finally looked me in the eyes, but I still couldn’t understand what he meant._ “Why are you afraid to show your feelings? What’s the point in hiding them?”   
  
“Matt, what are you-”   
  
“Dom, let me explain, please!” _he moved forward, a hand clutching on his chest and a pleading look in his face. Whatever he was going to say, he looked confused yet determined._ “I know how I feel, but I can’t tell how I feel. I don’t know, it gives me headaches at the same time that I need it. Yes, it’s a need. You may have not realised, but I paid attention every time you avoided me and I wondered whether I was doing something wrong. But I can’t help it, okay? It just happened like that! I can’t explain why, but I feel much better when you’re around, when we’re in the same room, when we’re close to each other. I like when you tell me facts about me, my family, friends and, especially, stories where the main characters are both of us. We’ve fought many times in a short space of time since I woke up, but still, I feel happy when I’m with you. I liked to know Tom, Chris and the others, but no-one makes me feel safe like you do, Dom.”   
  
_ He paused for a moment just to catch his breath. He was talking too fast, sounding desperate to make himself clear. It was obvious that his ideas were still confused, but even running in circles, being redundant, I got what he was trying to say. _   
  
_ That was hard to believe though. _   
  
“Matt, I-” _I tried to say, but he touched my knee and interrupted me._   
  
“Do you trust me?” _came the sudden question._   
  
“Of course.”   
  
“Close your eyes.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Just close your eyes, you said you trust me.”   
  
_ I closed my eyes, but not before looking deep into his, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Once I couldn’t see anything anymore, I could listen to my crazy heartbeats and shaky breathing. I also heard Matt approaching as the bed creaked; I felt his heat as he sat closer to me and felt his breath tickling my face. _   
  
“Forget everything outside this room, beyond the walls. There is only you and me now.”   
  
_ I gulped and nodded slightly, waiting for his next move. _   
  
_ But then I felt his warm hand touching my face, carefully, brushing his thumb on my cheek. _ “I’d give everything to stay here with you, touching you, feeling you…” _Still with my eyes closed, I felt his breath even closer to my face and I waited for an imminent kiss; but maybe Matt reconsidered what he was going to do and he moved away, though his hand did not abandon my face._ “But… I obviously can’t do anything if I don’t know how you truly feel about it. I need words, Dom.”   
  
_ Without thinking twice, I placed a hand over the one caressing my face and slowly opened my eyes. I found quiet blue eyes staring at me as if they were looking directly at my soul, reading me like I was an open book. We didn’t utter a word, even though Matt had asked for them. I felt his hand trembling beneath mine, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t shaking as well. _   
  
_ I looked for answers in his eyes, but I found home instead. _   
  
***   



End file.
